giweb - Posted - 07/14/2014:  10:30:25

Puns for those with a slightly higher IQ.

1        Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

2        A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

3        Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

4        Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

5        Shotgun wedding – a case of wife or death.

6        A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

7        A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

8        Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

9        Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

10      Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

11      Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

12      When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

13      A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

14      What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)

15      Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

16      In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

17      She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

18      A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19      If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

20      With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

21      The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

22      You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

23      Local Area Network in Australia – the LAN down under.

24      Every calendar’s days are numbered.

25      A lot of money is tainted – ’taint yours and ’taint mine.

26      A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

27      He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

28      A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

29      Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

30      Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

31      Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

32      Acupuncture is a jab well done.

"Nothing Worthwhile is Easy!"

"Making Music is Worthwhile!"

giweb

OM45GE - Posted - 07/14/2014:  10:37:46

Thanks for the chuckles.

KE - Posted - 07/14/2014:  10:47:39

Those are excellent.

steve davis - Posted - 07/14/2014:  10:50:35

I like that stuff,too.

figmo59 - Posted - 07/14/2014:  10:58:26

Huh...?

Raymond B - Posted - 07/14/2014:  11:05:51

uh...huh?

figmo59 - Posted - 07/14/2014:  11:18:58

IQs..ya of..bein smart...

OM45GE - Posted - 07/14/2014:  11:23:02

Good one Al.

Frisco Fred - Posted - 07/14/2014:  11:44:33

Sorry, I didn't get a single pun

jbell - Posted - 07/14/2014:  11:47:30

Puns for hire?

dmiller - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:00:35

I submitted 10 different puns to a local contest.

I hoped to win, but unfortunately no pun in ten did.

figmo59 - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:01:56

Ooophf..... :0)

Edited by - figmo59 on 07/14/2014 12:02:28

fivebranch - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:23:04

Boob jobs. Is it live or memorex??

tidzee - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:26:00

Very punny like it

tidzee - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:31:37

Short skirts by see more leg

dmiller - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:36:22

A teacher of mine back in high school was cross-eyed.

He almost got fired because he couldn't control his pupils.

nakigreengrass - Posted - 07/14/2014:  12:56:28

Puns for higher IQ you say?....... well......I found them absolutely hilarious............now............where did I leave my Kings clothes.........sometimes I could swear they where invisible.

BConk - Posted - 07/14/2014:  13:58:36

Try making one up....like this one:

Though Chairman Mao lived for 10 years in a cave carved into an ancient deposit of wind-blown glacial silt, the Chinese never thought any loess of him for having done so.

BConk - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:03:42

Or...When the drowning victim's girlfriend told him to go jump in a lake, she did not know he'd take it littorally

Edited by - BConk on 07/14/2014 14:04:26

KE - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:04:05

I don't get it -- how are those puns supposed to get us higher IQs?

KE - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:15:18

Speaking metamorphically, schist happens.

figmo59 - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:15:37

quote:

---

Originally posted by KE

I don't get it -- how are those puns supposed to get us higher IQs?

---

figmo59 - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:16:32

quote:

---

Originally posted by KE

Speaking metamorphically, schist happens.

---

BConk - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:17:28

Though her geology major date was a bit of a geek, the coed had to admit he was a gneiss guy.

BConk - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:21:09

That's what you get when you take 5 minutes to write a pun....friggin' tablets 

mike gregory - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:24:28

Then there was the butcher who sat down on the sausage machine, and got a little behind in his work.

Edited by - mike gregory on 07/14/2014 14:25:51

figmo59 - Posted - 07/14/2014:  14:27:27

He's workin...bassackwards...Mike.... :0)

brewerpaul - Posted - 07/14/2014:  17:25:59

quote:

---

Originally posted by fivebranch

Boob jobs. Is it live or memorex??

---

You mean Mamorex?

dflowers - Posted - 07/15/2014:  05:17:09

Not eating for seven days makes one weak (week).

steve davis - Posted - 07/15/2014:  12:45:16

When you say 'higher' IQ do you mean what I think you mean?

figmo59 - Posted - 07/15/2014:  14:04:37

In-doobie-ahly... ;0)

Paul R - Posted - 07/15/2014:  15:37:42

The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.