I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall...
I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall started: **"Hey man, how are you doing?"**.

A little confused I replied: **"Ehm good, I guess."**

To my surprise the guy continued with: **"What ya doin'?"**

Despite being even more confused I manage to mumble: **"Oh. Ehm. I guess the same as you."**

Without any hesitation in his voice he said: **"Cool. Do you want me to come over and help you out?"**

A bit scared, I replied as firmly as I could: **"Hey man, I really appreciate the offer and all, but I am not into that kinda stuff and doing all fine here and......"**

And before I could finish my sentence the guy said: **"Hang on a minute John, there is this weird guy in the neighbour stall, who is replying to eveything I say."**

quote:

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Originally posted by Owen

Try # 2....

What the???? Now it's magically appeared in the previous post????

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Reminded me of this Mike Cross tune: Elma Turl by Mike Cross

Growing up, my parents were so strict, it wasn't until I was 18 that they'd let me play a song that had an F chord in it. And I couldn’t play guitar because it had a “G” string.

A man staying in a motel makes a call to the building maintenance department...

Man: "Hello, is this building maintenance?
Voice on phone: "Yes, it is. How can we help you?"
Man: "This an emergency... I need some to come to room 330, IMMEDIATELY!"
Voice: "What is the problem that you are having?"
Man: "My wife is mad at me and wants to commit suicide!"
Voice: "Sir... We're Building Maintenace. Sounds like you have a personal problem."
Man: "Oh, but I DO have a maintenance problem... She's threatened to jump out of the window, and IT WON"T OPEN!"

A friend was telling me about an argument he had the night before with his wife. He said that it ended when she came crawling to him on hands and knees.
Me: "What did she say?"
Friend; "She said, Come out from under that bed, you coward!"

.... and IF our cloud clears up tonite, I'll be checking out the [real] full moon.

Once upon a time long, long, ago there was a season when neither the Leafs nor the Canadiens made the playoffs. It seemed so unusual, that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams because of their great rivalry.

So, they decided on a week long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.

So on a cold northern Ontario lake they began their contest.

The first day, after 8 hours of fishing, the Canadiens had caught 100 fish and the Leafs had 0.

At the end of the 2nd day the Canadiens had caught 200 fish and the Leafs 0.

That evening the Leafs coach got his team together and said, "I suspect some kind of cheating is taking place." So the next morning he dressed one of his players in a Canadiens sweater and sent him over to their camp to act as a spy.

At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach. The coach asked "Well, how about it, are they cheating?"

"They sure are," the player reported, "They're cutting holes in the ice".

A hockey player was asked, 'How many accidents have you had in your career?'
The player responded, 'None for sure. I've had two concussions, lost all my front teeth, have had my nose broken four times, but they weren't accidents. The opponents did it on purpose'.

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb a**hole, is it?"

The little boy nodded yet again.

"Good." said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

.

At the end of the year, some people get bonuses. The rest of us get bony-asses.

.

I miss the Sunday paper. It's getting too expensive to line the bird cage with iPads.

.

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game
The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.