A Highway Patrolman sat at the back of a bar parking lot for several hours knowing that eventually a drunk would come out and drive away. Finally at 2 am, a man staggered out. He fell twice heading to his car, and dropped his keys trying to unlock his car. He got into his car and turned on and off his wipers and headlights trying to find the ignition switch. He finally got it started and swerved left and right as he exited the parking lot. He turned onto to the highway and the patrolman blue lighted after a few blocks, and the man pulled over. The patrolman asked for his driver's license and asked him if he would take a breathalyzer test. The answered in a slurred voice, "Sure..." The officer administered the test, looked at the reading and it was 0.00. He said, "My analyzer must be broken!" The man then replied in a normal voice, "Nope, you see... I'm the designated decoy! 

Did you know????

"Googoo ga joob!" is Athebaskan Eskimo for
"Let go of my teeth, ya liddle bastrids!!!"

Fighting over thumb over the top for an F chord, or barre it! 

quote:

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Originally posted by chuckv97

Fighting over thumb over the top for an F chord, or barre it! 

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Kinda like tha Monty Python version? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9H6MdcNFsg

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A man's wife disappeared when her overturned kayak was discovered on a lake in Nova Scotia. They searched for her body for several days. The husband received a knock at his door and, when he answered it, there were two Mounties standing there, they said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some great news. The husband, "What is the bad news?" Mounties, "We pulled your wife's body from the lake this morning..." The distraught husband asked, "What's the good news?" Mounties, "We removed 6 snow crabs, and 12 lobsters that were attached to her clothes." Husband, "Oh my... What is the great news?' Mounties replied, "Tomorrow, we pull her back up again!"

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Stolen from Chief Wiggins on The Simpsons:
"Y'know, learning the banjo is no picnic. Nope. Not by a long shot. It's one solid weekend of hard work."

Dog birthday party
vt.tiktok.com/ZSADVJjSB/

https://share.icloud.com/photos/08cI74-wlL9K2AX1M0N7bNkkA

I don't understand why so many people on FACEBOOK are all bent outa shape by Cracker Barrel removing Whatsisname from their corporate logo.

But, my contribution to the discussion:

Crapper barrel!

One of Gramp's faves.
Young Johnny walked into the store and asked the counter person for jelly beans."I want red ones,blue ones,green ones and yellow ones."
Counter person said,"Oh,you want an assortment."

Little Johnny said "No...I don't want 'en sorted...I want red ones,blue ones,green ones and yellow ones all together in the same bag!"

One of old albert's old favorites:

"If a centipede a pint, and a millipede a quart, how much could a precipice??

Two snakes, Slick and Slim, meet by a pond. Slick says, "How you been doing, Slim?" Slim says in a low, raspy voice, "Oh...purty good, Slick." Slick says, "What's the matter Slim...you got laryngitis?" Slim replies, "Nope...I got a frog in my throat?"

President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech… “If you were my husband I would poison your tea” . Lincoln replied...”if you are my wife I’ll gladly drink it.”

In Greek mythology, the Minotaur was a monster with the head and shoulders of a bull, and the body of a man.
In the legends of the sailors, a mermaid had a woman's head and torso, and from the hips on down, the body of a fish.

Someone pointed out that a child born from the mating of a minotaur and a mermaid, might inherit genes for his mother's head and body, and his father's hips and legs, and just look like an average person.

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quote:

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Originally posted by chuckv97

President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech… “If you were my husband I would poison your tea” . Lincoln replied...”if you are my wife I’ll gladly drink it.”

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Hate ta rain on yer parade, Chuck. It's a quote from Winston Churchill. His reply: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it." You can practically hear his accent.

My mother-in-law told me, "I'm going to dance on your grave."

I replied, "That's fine. I'm being buried at sea."

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Fwiw, I have  [well, I usta have] a thang for tall slim girls in  bell bottoms.  Never thought of it ^^ way.

I'm giving up eating chocolate for a month.

Ooops, Sorry ... bad punctuation:  I'm giving up.   Eating chocolate for a month.

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youtu.be/WYkUNuMD8pc?si=Kkl-pDsSsaDSLffj

Good stuff!!  Though some of the detail was missing, ^^ that's been rattling around in my noggin for 2 or 3 days.