I saw this WARNING LABEL on a tripod at our local GOODWILL thrift shop, and, thanks to having the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old, thought it was funny.
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”
The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”
The first guy says, “So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might ye be?”
The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first guy responds, “Faith and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?”
The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
The first guy says, “Faith and it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?”
The other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.”
The first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
The other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.”
The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 me own self.”
About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight."
The customer asks, "And why do you say that?"
Bartender: "The Murphy twins are drunk again.”
I guess we have our answer...
It doesn't say, so I presume this is "To Whom IT May Concern" ....
^^^^ reminds me of a stunt my late great father in law pulled, during his hospital stay.
Unwrapped the urine jug from its sterile covering, poured his morning apple juice in.
And when the nurse came in to see how he was doing, he held up the urinal and said
"My urine looks a bit cloudy. Think I should run it through one more time!"
And guzzled down the apple juice.
When your fingers hurt SO MUCH from playing your beloved banjo, that you can't pick anything UP, and you've GOT TO have coffee ir PERISH, what ARE you going to do??
You do the same thing you do when it's your turn to take a break, and you're not sure how to:
IMPROVISE!
A mando playing friend sent this
“ Question: What do you call 20 banjo players buried up to their necks in sand?
Answer: Not enough sand.”
A man who was a retired multimillionaire married a woman forty years younger. After they had been married about a year, he came home and told his wife, "Honey, I need to let go that new young chauffeur you hired. He's a horrible driver. Today, he almost got me killed three times!" She replied, "Oh, darling...please.... Let's just give him one more chance!"
Edited by - BNJOMAKR on 10/12/2024 05:16:00
What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?
Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.
My son's teacher called me saying he's not listening in class.
I said; "He doesn't listen at home either. Do I call you?!?!"
I got this one from Readers Digest magazine decades ago. Remember that monthly.
An English teacher was challenging her class to write a poem following 3 guidelines:
It should rhyme.
It should be brief.
It should appeal to the most people.
The winning poem was
.
.
.
.
Pay
Day
Mr. Ghost is up in the haunted attic, deciding mow many feet of chain he feels like rattling, when Mrs. Ghost sneaks up behind him and tries out her latest variation of a blood-curdling screech.
He turns around, slowly, and faces her.
She says
"Oh, dang! I was hoping to startle you!"
He replies:
"I was startled, and as you can see, I am trying hard to keep my breathing slow. You scared me so, you almost had me panting in my sheets!"
I went to the store today they had a sign up front NO FOOD or DRINKS INSIDE. So I went home.
Went to the zoo and saw twin bears. I said to the wife that bears repeating.
Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 10/28/2024 17:24:07
Maybe not a joke per se, but still kinda funny IMNSHumbleO:
Geology rocks, but geography is definitely where it's at!
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to me wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I am leaving forever!
"Ah, now, calm down, calm down, Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy, I told you there must be a simple explanation... she never got your email."
A fiddle player told me this one … 
Question: What do you call a thousand banjos at the bottom of the sea?
Answer: A good start.
I love this pic but of course as u can tell there's a joke lurking ----
Two identical words there --- one is standing & the guy is sitting on it ?
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