Omeboy - Posted - 05/01/2019:  19:46:53

He didn't read the fine print that said: "Once you become an ascended master, you immediately lose four feet in height."

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/01/2019:  20:14:55

Didn’t read the instructions on the Benjamin Moore can,,, “wear a face mask if spraying on a windy day”

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2019:  02:38:26

Playing NHL 2019 on his xBox didn’t prepare him for this

DC5 - Posted - 05/02/2019:  06:06:43

Wants to show you what's under the tunic.

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2019:  08:21:47

Look under the tunic and was scarred (and scared) for life

Omeboy - Posted - 05/02/2019:  09:11:53

The best job he ever had? He was a prison guard in a elf penitentiary.

DC5 - Posted - 05/02/2019:  11:07:20

President of the Blue Man Group fan club

Omeboy - Posted - 05/02/2019:  11:27:30

Since he couldn't have a career as an average rock star, he had to settle for just being an average rock.

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2019:  12:52:28

Doctors are exploring the possibility of separating the two heads

Omeboy - Posted - 05/02/2019:  15:09:24

Once evaded police detection by putting 12 black dots on top of his head and posing as a salt shaker.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/02/2019:  15:16:33

Thinks every neighborhood is a red light district

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2019:  16:02:04

Has so many girlfriends he never feels the need to frequent red light districts

Omeboy - Posted - 05/02/2019:  16:59:27

Whenever he has to fill out his "date of birth," he usually writes: "Late Jurassic."

OM45GE - Posted - 05/03/2019:  03:20:20

Son, your mother and I have to talk with you about something

TheLastWord - Posted - 05/03/2019:  04:12:08

Was once locked in an outhouse for 4 days before he discovered the door opened inward.

OM45GE - Posted - 05/03/2019:  04:44:28

Tries to avoid flying through doors, open or closed.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/03/2019:  07:42:41

Still searching for that elusive doorway of the mind

Omeboy - Posted - 05/03/2019:  09:10:44

He was a tall, good look'en guy before those two dozen slug-fests he had with "Probie."

DC5 - Posted - 05/03/2019:  12:09:00

Chernobyl Survivor

Omeboy - Posted - 05/03/2019:  12:29:11

He always thought the tune, "Greensleeves," was about a kid who refused to use his handkerchief.

TheLastWord - Posted - 05/03/2019:  17:08:04

swears he dated Nelly the Loch Ness monster in high school.

OM45GE - Posted - 05/03/2019:  17:56:39

Swears he thought he was on a date with Daisy Duck, not Donald in drag

Omeboy - Posted - 05/03/2019:  18:09:13

Once evaded police detection by impersonating a rice cake in a sushi bar.

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2019:  04:09:41

Tired of not being taken seriously

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2019:  05:56:46

Tired of the pecking order in communal life

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2019:  07:47:41

Tired of being called a non-human primate

Omeboy - Posted - 05/04/2019:  09:26:13

I'm not say'en he's old, but some of his closest friends are now fossilized invertebrates.

TheLastWord - Posted - 05/04/2019:  14:27:09

I'm saying he's slow, but he once raced a slug and lost.

Omeboy - Posted - 05/04/2019:  16:26:53

I don't want to say he's stupid, but.....the folks who produce the show, "Life Below Zero" approached him to do their new show, "I.Q. Below Zero."

DC5 - Posted - 05/04/2019:  17:55:24

Health food store locked the doors and put up the closed sign when they saw him coming.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2019:  18:04:06

Once hired Fred Rogers as his barker

Omeboy - Posted - 05/04/2019:  18:47:49

He can tell ya. Nothing clears the head like a 90 mile-an-hour puck glancing off the old cranium.

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2019:  05:46:56

This is the result of a 90 mile-an-hour puck glancing off the old cranium

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/05/2019:  07:23:23

Doesn’t believe in pro sports

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2019:  02:44:51

Doesn’t like being called a cheap skate

Omeboy - Posted - 05/06/2019:  07:49:15

I wouldn't say he's lonely, but back in the Sixties, he wrote that great love ballad, "When A Man Loves A Hamster."

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2019:  14:45:52

Drives the Candy Floss truck for the traveling carnival

OM45GE - Posted - 05/07/2019:  03:35:01

Was impressed with the Bruins’ shutout win in game six

Omeboy - Posted - 05/07/2019:  07:57:51

He's now required to wear a sign that says: "Viewing contents under tunic may cause extreme nausea or vomiting."

OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2019:  03:23:11

Experiencing extreme nausea and vomiting

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/08/2019:  08:53:44

Had a bout of vertigo in ‘69, hence the rather large shoes

OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2019:  09:05:54

Face-offs give him vertigo

Omeboy - Posted - 05/08/2019:  11:10:57

There was a very short guy with a beard,

who everyone thought was quite weird.

And everywhere he went,

he left a long trail of lint,

that most thought came from his beard.

Edited by - Omeboy on 05/08/2019 11:12:30

OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2019:  11:45:37

Little wonder that his cyan toner cartridges don’t last long

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/08/2019:  12:41:26

Thinks he has a cartridge in a pear tree

Omeboy - Posted - 05/08/2019:  12:51:00

There once was a chimp named Chuck

who had a very bad streak of luck.

Due to an unfortunate bumble,

he didn't end up in the jungle,

but banged heads all night long with a puck.

Edited by - Omeboy on 05/08/2019 12:52:16

TheLastWord - Posted - 05/08/2019:  17:20:52

This is the result of OmeTarzan and OmeJane have a few too many drinks.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/08/2019:  22:44:51

Daisy always refuses to join him for drinks at the local watering hole

OM45GE - Posted - 05/09/2019:  03:24:25

Cheetah doesn’t return his calls