mbanjo - Posted - 02/10/2013:  18:44:38

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and s***head's.

MWBailey - Posted - 02/10/2013:  18:53:16

I keep wanting to get divorced like all my friends, but it's hard to do that when you've never been married......

mbanjo - Posted - 02/10/2013:  20:31:21

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

jistgreg - Posted - 02/10/2013:  23:36:47

I didn't file my teeth; I threw them away because the filing cabinet was full. 

TheLastWord - Posted - 02/11/2013:  04:07:47

How will I ever balance pillows on top of a car now?

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2013:  04:42:28

The elephant repellant is still working.

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/11/2013:  10:41:06

My dog has the mind of a cat.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/11/2013:  12:02:01

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

FRAILER57 - Posted - 02/11/2013:  13:14:10

HAHAHA!! Good one!

FRAILER57 - Posted - 02/11/2013:  13:31:08

Last hunting season i collected a nice 10 pt buck, and it took me all day getting it to the truck. Its antlers kept getting caught in the brush. After i explained to my wife why it took so long to get home, she says " why didn't you drag it by the head instead of pushing it from behind?"

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2013:  15:35:39

This aluminum foil hat doesn't seem to be working.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/11/2013:  17:07:16

Never take a beer to a job interview.

FRAILER57 - Posted - 02/11/2013:  22:39:30

I've never been able to figure out when sour cream goes bad.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  00:17:01

My girlfriend always laughs during sex

TheLastWord - Posted - 02/12/2013:  03:43:47

Not with that rotten table! Please!

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2013:  04:22:03

My girlfriend wanted to make love in the car. She asked me to drive.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  11:20:15

Where did you put the key to the wine cellar?

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2013:  11:23:26

This is a wine cellar?!? I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  12:10:09

Heaven...it just isn't the same place it used to be

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2013:  12:34:43

I had a 1936 Buick 4 door sedan.That car was a straight 8 cylinder motor
and the hood was 7 feet long.So,,now what do you think?

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  13:01:09

Do your parents know that you are out this late?

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2013:  15:53:04

Take that you knave!

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  17:41:23

Don't call me, I'll call you

FRAILER57 - Posted - 02/12/2013:  22:41:37

The Drunker I sit here, the looonger I get..

TheLastWord - Posted - 02/13/2013:  03:39:45

I must prove Einstein's Unified Field Theory with my power cable.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2013:  04:43:11

Maybe doubling the laxative dose wasn't such a good idea after all.

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2013:  05:16:55

we're gonna run the coon hounds tonight

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/13/2013:  10:01:56

Three throws for a quarter,,, a prize every time.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/13/2013:  12:48:06

Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.

jistgreg - Posted - 02/13/2013:  13:32:04

The lightning bolt blasted the steeple right off the church. 

mbanjo - Posted - 02/13/2013:  14:19:36

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2013:  20:08:20

If you don't like what I say then vote for me anyway.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/13/2013:  20:26:11

I was married by a judge..........looking back, I should have asked for a jury.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2013:  15:01:15

She's going to be pissed when she gets home!

mbanjo - Posted - 02/14/2013:  15:29:26

If the Phone doesnt Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/14/2013:  15:57:53

If you feel like you're in love don't just stand there.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2013:  16:48:24

That is definitely not normal.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/14/2013:  18:27:33

Its much too far if you take the shortcut

jistgreg - Posted - 02/15/2013:  01:55:39

The tip snapped off of my frogsticker. 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2013:  03:23:12

You can't get there from here.

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/15/2013:  11:07:08

I don't like the sound of this. Let's punch a hole in the muffler.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/15/2013:  11:29:24

I prefer three sugars in my coffee thanks

Alaina - Posted - 02/15/2013:  11:55:05

Sleepless nights

mbanjo - Posted - 02/15/2013:  12:04:50

One of the joys of getting older

Alaina - Posted - 02/15/2013:  12:09:49

I plan on stopping at 25 for awhile lol

mbanjo - Posted - 02/15/2013:  12:25:14

That's what I did.........but I'm 26 next april

Alaina - Posted - 02/15/2013:  12:26:55

I have to get to 25 first LOL

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2013:  12:37:16

There are three things you need to remember at all costs.

Alaina - Posted - 02/15/2013:  12:37:49

And they are?