HarleyQ - Posted - 05/27/2023:  20:12:37

Of course, I can keep secrets, but the people I tell them to obviously can't.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/27/2023:  20:38:21

Never trust a dame who hides your fingerpicks in the cat litter box

DC5 - Posted - 05/28/2023:  05:09:41

Never light a 25 cent cigar with a $100 bill.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 05/28/2023:  06:24:30

Some people say “See, I’ve still got it”, but the fact is they actually never had it

HarleyQ - Posted - 05/28/2023:  20:32:47

You don't actually have to be sick to die. You just have to be alive.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 05/29/2023:  05:38:16

“A gentleman is a man who knows how to play the banjo, but chooses not to”……… Mark Twain

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/29/2023:  11:36:51

Last year’s shoelaces are on sale today

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 05/29/2023:  14:14:53

I always cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food

HarleyQ - Posted - 05/29/2023:  20:18:32

I have to plug in my phone to charge it so often that I pretty much have a landline again.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/29/2023:  21:54:38

I’m going off the grid any day now ,,, my internet and electricity  bills are 9 months overdue

Edited by - chuckv97 on 05/29/2023 21:55:11

DC5 - Posted - 05/30/2023:  06:17:34

Well, another day, another honey do list.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 05/30/2023:  11:11:17

A clue that your marriage is in trouble is when your wife says “You're only interested in one thing”, and you can’t remember what it is

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/30/2023:  11:17:33

My last date was just that

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 05/30/2023:  17:24:02

When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays

HarleyQ - Posted - 05/30/2023:  20:15:17

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

DC5 - Posted - 05/31/2023:  07:34:50

Imagine a world with no imagination.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 05/31/2023:  08:47:23

Is “jumbo shrimp” similar in concept to “extra-large briefs”?

HarleyQ - Posted - 05/31/2023:  17:45:15

Whatever you're doing, always give 100 percent. Unless you're donating blood.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/01/2023:  04:55:12

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you

DC5 - Posted - 06/01/2023:  04:56:25

Well it's too late to die young now!

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/01/2023:  13:49:14

When I was young I subscribed to the old saying “I’d rather burn out than rust out”………as my 72nd birthday approaches I find that rusting is much more calming

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/01/2023:  15:33:26

I’ll be at the finish line in 25+ years

HarleyQ - Posted - 06/01/2023:  20:41:14

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

DC5 - Posted - 06/02/2023:  05:09:34

Yesterday I went into a room and remembered why I went there.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/02/2023:  06:35:35

It’s better to remain quiet and have folks think you are an ignorant dummy, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt

HarleyQ - Posted - 06/02/2023:  19:31:52

Music is like candy, you throw away the rappers!!

DC5 - Posted - 06/03/2023:  05:30:09

I forgot what I was going to write.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/03/2023:  13:15:10

Life is too important to take seriously…………….(my longtime motto)

HarleyQ - Posted - 06/03/2023:  19:11:14

I'm not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything....Far from it.

DC5 - Posted - 06/04/2023:  04:37:42

I didn't have French Toast for breakfast.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/04/2023:  05:34:32

You know your getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

DC5 - Posted - 06/04/2023:  08:15:03

I've managed to find my way around most idiot proof devices.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/04/2023:  11:28:49

People say “Nothing is Impossible”, but I do nothing every day

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/04/2023:  14:51:27

I haven’t been to a chiropractor since my back gave out

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/04/2023:  15:12:50

I din’t give you the finger………. You earned it

HarleyQ - Posted - 06/04/2023:  19:52:27

Would you believe my neighbor came ringing my doorbell at 2:00 this morning? Luckily for him, I was still up playing bagpipes.

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/04/2023:  19:57:11

Never accept apologies from strangers

DC5 - Posted - 06/05/2023:  05:49:30

Monday Monday, can't trust that day.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/05/2023:  10:02:52

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, yet it remains the funniest

DC5 - Posted - 06/05/2023:  12:48:39

Except for old people slipping on banana peals.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/05/2023:  15:31:43

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/05/2023:  15:51:49

He’s a real nowhere man, is J Lennon

NormanClegg - Posted - 06/05/2023:  15:54:58

My grandpa used to call Brussels sprouts "funks".

HarleyQ - Posted - 06/05/2023:  21:39:09

An opportunist is the guy who drinks the water while the pessimist, the optimist and the realist are arguing about how full the glass is.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/06/2023:  06:42:16

Give me a fish to eat and I’ll be full for a day…….Teach me to fish and I’ll get bored, lose interest, and stop at the seafood store on the way home

DC5 - Posted - 06/06/2023:  08:19:34

I was going to mention how I woke up this morning, but I was afraid it'd get the thread locked.

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 06/06/2023:  15:25:01

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look

HarleyQ - Posted - 06/06/2023:  20:14:52

If a man said he'll fix it, he'll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/06/2023:  20:15:47

Bliss is overrated