OM45GE - Posted - 02/20/2013:  14:20:11

Of all the people I know, you are one of them.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/20/2013:  14:46:48

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

OM45GE - Posted - 02/20/2013:  17:08:03

I kissed the frog and all I got was warts on my lip.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/20/2013:  17:57:52

When you scratch an itch, ...where does it go to?

OM45GE - Posted - 02/20/2013:  18:04:09

We've left the normal zone far, far behind.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/20/2013:  18:25:51

I think we are being watched

FRAILER57 - Posted - 02/20/2013:  22:39:02

HOLY CRAP!! I just found the place where everything you lose  goes!! MY GOODNESS!! LOOK AT THAT  MOUNTAIN OF STUFF!!

mbanjo - Posted - 02/20/2013:  22:58:45

Grab some for me too:-)

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  02:56:16

Can you look for my marbles?

TheLastWord - Posted - 02/21/2013:  03:53:09

Shred a brightly-glowing klaxon while making wine out of a band-aid.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  04:57:46

There is a certain twisted logic in that.

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/21/2013:  05:51:15

I see what you're saying but I can't say what you're seeing.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  06:28:53

If you can help me find my car keys we can drive out of here.

RandyZ - Posted - 02/21/2013:  07:31:37

i said 'intense'....not in tents.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  09:20:43

Listen to that strange aroma coming from the kitchen

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/21/2013:  09:37:14

We all need to take time to stop and smell the radio.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  09:42:21

I use the smoke detector for a kitchen timer.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  09:48:16

Jungle warfare is better if fought in the desert.

RandyZ - Posted - 02/21/2013:  09:55:26

1 problem with cement shoes, is they only come in gray....

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  09:55:32

We've met the enemy sir.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  10:24:02

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  10:56:18

Lost dog, Three legs, one eye, deaf, broken tail. Answer to the name "Lucky".

RandyZ - Posted - 02/21/2013:  11:08:56

once in maine....i saw a moose out the hotel window. then her husband came in, and suddenly the moose wasnt a very big deal.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  11:13:10

What the heck was that noise?

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  11:35:48

Sex is like air............ it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/21/2013:  11:38:38

Sometimes when I want something I end up with something else.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  11:44:23

There were six turkeys walking in the road out front but they flew away.

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/21/2013:  11:49:36

I could have kicked myself all the way home but then I'd of ended up with a sore leg.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:09:44

I'm watching a webcast with the head of our company's HR organization. He's sort of my ultimate boss but I'm sure he doesn't know I exist.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:17:29

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:30:10

I spilled spot remover on my dog and haven't seen him since.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:39:42

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:40:35

They think we're here for something entirely different.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:52:38

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2013:  12:55:18

I'm tempted to give this one to you but feel obligated to address it myself.

TheLastWord - Posted - 02/21/2013:  16:26:53

Not with that gas oven! Mercy!

mbanjo - Posted - 02/21/2013:  16:36:19

Are you having a firework display or has your house just been hit by a meteor

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2013:  02:52:40

Stand back Eve. I don't know how big it will get!

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/22/2013:  07:32:43

I'm going shopping Adam, be careful, I might bring you back a new members only jacket.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2013:  07:35:32

Here are my measurements.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/22/2013:  12:44:43

Who left the door to the liquor cabinet unlocked?

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2013:  12:55:02

That's one ugly looking biker headed your way.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/22/2013:  13:37:34

Who stopped payment on my reality check?

jistgreg - Posted - 02/22/2013:  14:45:51

That last bolt of lightning totally melted the lightning rod! 

paulrobertwagner - Posted - 02/22/2013:  15:23:30

Ever watch  "Celebrity Ghost Stories" wishing it was "Celebrity Banjo Stories" instead?

mbanjo - Posted - 02/22/2013:  15:49:32

Its pretty dark down here in the basement.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2013:  16:37:46

I hope you didn't get any on yourself.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/22/2013:  16:57:43

Most people in your position have the same problem

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2013:  05:25:52

We're bringing in a medical expert.