chuckv97 - Posted - 10/08/2015:  08:49:13

can cash out early and go golfing til you drop.

Winter golfing is

OM45GE - Posted - 10/08/2015:  15:42:21

is not much fun. 

On the other hand, golf isn't much

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/08/2015:  16:22:10

of anything.

Knocking a ball around a field and chasing after it isn't my idea of

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/08/2015:  16:24:55

a happy retirement, especially when your hips are aching from too much viagara.

Retired folks play banjo at half speed

OM45GE - Posted - 10/08/2015:  16:46:07

, but that's fast enough for most of the dancers at the old folks home. 

Except for the

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/08/2015:  19:18:19

nurses who like to cut a rug.

This afternoon we had buttermilk and boiled chicken for our

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/08/2015:  21:50:34

only meal of the week- we get hardtack and beans the rest of the time.

If I'd known retirement

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/09/2015:  02:54:25

was going to be so much fun,I wouldn't have started to work in the first place.

If your piggys get cold and you already have on two pair of socks, just

OM45GE - Posted - 10/09/2015:  04:10:21

get your sorry butt and cold feet on a flight to the Caribbean. 

Cold feet will be 

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/09/2015:  05:00:38

your downfall in life if you don't pull up your socks .

Avoid the hesitation blues

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/09/2015:  05:37:07

by singing a cheerful song.

The people at bus stop #6 are very

OM45GE - Posted - 10/09/2015:  10:54:37

strange.

I think

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/09/2015:  16:10:56

I'll start using bus stop # 12,,It's on the other side of town but I can walk that far.

When we go to the gin mill tonight bring along

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/09/2015:  16:41:10

a stretcher or two in case they have to carry us out.

A drunken romance

OM45GE - Posted - 10/09/2015:  18:24:00

is about the only romance I've had that I didn't pay for. 

It's actually pretty sad

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/10/2015:  02:14:25

because you don't know if you did anything or not.

Of course you could always ask her if

OM45GE - Posted - 10/10/2015:  04:32:01

it was good for her too, but remember, a deceiver, don't believe her, that's her trade. 

Of, course, if it makes you fell better, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/10/2015:  06:35:10

just dispense with all that stuff.

You'll save money and

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/10/2015:  06:49:11

later be able to afford a trophy squeeze.

But beauty is skin deep

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/10/2015:  08:06:27

and ugly goes clean to the bone.

You can get medication for that but it

dat - Posted - 10/10/2015:  08:09:08

wears off at midnight.

Be very careful how much

OM45GE - Posted - 10/10/2015:  14:35:55

you stuff in your pockets when you're heading out on a date. 

You may

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/10/2015:  14:57:35

want to take along $40 extra dollars.

Most of those gals get hungry after

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/10/2015:  20:47:55

a rendezvous (that's francais,BTW) on lover's lane long into the night.

French kissing in a Citroen

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/11/2015:  02:52:37

will lead to babies in a crib.

I've told you about the Birds and Bees,,now it's

OM45GE - Posted - 10/11/2015:  09:57:30

time to teach you about the warthogs and wildebeests. 

The knowledge will help you 

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/11/2015:  12:58:16

tell the difference at mating time.

They are both wild animals so be

OM45GE - Posted - 10/11/2015:  14:26:14

careful when trying to use a rectal thermometer on them. 

The last guy who tried ended up

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/11/2015:  14:30:15

looking like a hamburger patty.

A new blonde neighbour

OM45GE - Posted - 10/11/2015:  17:47:36

asked me over for drinks with a sly wink that implied far more than drinks were to be had. 

He was fairly good looking, but I'm 

MWBailey - Posted - 10/11/2015:  18:19:44

more into buxom redheads.

I went ove ranyway, to talk to the fellow abojut red rubber baby buggy

OM45GE - Posted - 10/11/2015:  18:49:31

bumpers and Sally selling seashells by the seashore.

 He threw me out after five minutes 

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/11/2015:  20:50:26

for slobbering all over his mohair sweater, bought from Mohair Sam's.

Seymour Hare runs a

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/12/2015:  03:09:45

tattoo parlor down on skid row.

He can pump more paint into you than

OM45GE - Posted - 10/13/2015:  06:27:01

the pit crew at a NASCAR race.

Everyone knows they

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/13/2015:  08:10:42

drink that stuff for breakfast.

Don't be alarmed if

OM45GE - Posted - 10/13/2015:  09:08:50

they suddenly start growing extra appendages.

It's a side effect of

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/13/2015:  09:27:43

dealing with octopi ink on a daily basis.

Art is in the eye

OM45GE - Posted - 10/13/2015:  10:26:51

beholder, or so they say.

The last time I tried to hold art

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/13/2015:  11:35:26

I dropped him.

Never say you can do something if

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/13/2015:  16:31:43

you haven't read the manual after translating it from Chinese.

Egg foo yung

OM45GE - Posted - 10/13/2015:  16:40:12

is quite a bit better than egg foo old, which can be pretty foul.

Last week I had

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/13/2015:  16:44:37

a premonition about today's horrorscope, warning of a mob of angry BHO members.

The insults and putdowns

OM45GE - Posted - 10/13/2015:  16:50:13

were really pretty abusive.

I finally put an end to it by

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/14/2015:  08:11:45

hanging up the phone on him.

He called back but

OM45GE - Posted - 10/14/2015:  09:48:42

I let my Pakistani neighbor answer the phone.

He pretended not to speak any English and

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/14/2015:  11:59:37

was hurling Paki insults at him with out of pitch sitar music in the background.

My Romanian fortune teller

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/14/2015:  12:19:06

reads fortunes in Scandanavianiese and English.

All they do is take your money and

OM45GE - Posted - 10/14/2015:  14:05:46

and fill your head with nonsense.

You leave thinking