OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2015:  14:06:28

that the pricing structure of minutes in that part of the wild west was not market driven but rather varied by an arcane set of rules developed by her father.

If only

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/15/2015 14:06:50

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2015:  15:09:31

Hawkins had known ,he could have bought more time and thereby eluded the homely Sadie.

But alas,poor Hawkins

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2015:  04:24:28

ended up married to Sadie and regretted it the rest of his life. 

He never thought "until death do you part" would 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2015:  09:28:10

hold up in court,so he left her with an old VW and a two dollar bill.

Many a poor man

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2015:  11:38:16

would prefer the two dollar bill but vintage VW's are getting quite valuable.

They would be better off

jistgreg - Posted - 02/17/2015:  14:05:38

(the vintage VWs, not the Hawkinses) enshrined in a museum rather than driven over salted roads. 

The Hawkinses would be better off 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2015:  14:14:26

salting their sidewalks before they get sued by some battleaxe neighbour feigning a fall causing whiplash.

Their worst fears

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2015:  17:04:00

were realized when the battleaxe neighbor did fall on their sidewalk and sued, successfully winning lifetime care in the Hawkins house.

She moved in immediately and began

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/17/2015:  18:26:13

demanding that they pamper her.

Little did she know that old man Hawkins was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2015:  18:54:14

a war veteran,prone to having unpredictable murderous rages.



One night during a thunderstorm

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/17/2015 18:55:19

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2015:  02:47:02

he slipped into her room and pampered her.

Well,,,, almost pamper her,because just then

OM45GE - Posted - 02/18/2015:  03:23:31

Sadie burst through the door and demanded to know just what the heck was going on.

Old Man Hawkins started to protest his innocence, but

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/18/2015 03:23:58

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/18/2015:  06:57:15

it was like closing the barn doors after the horses had escaped.

Never pamper a battleaxe

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2015:  09:06:11

in the same house as where Sadie is.

She is very jealous and will

OM45GE - Posted - 02/18/2015:  13:17:16

cause far more trouble than it is worth.

Instead, you might try

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/18/2015:  14:51:45

pampering HER for a while 'til she falls asleep,then go do your underhanded deeds.



Dishonesty can be

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/18/2015 14:52:13

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2015:  16:55:56

rewarding,but it only lasts for a little while.

Danial Boone once lived at Clifton,Ohio and the

OM45GE - Posted - 02/18/2015:  17:10:03

townspeople won't let you forget it.

It's Daniel Boone this and Daniel Boone that - honestly, I wish they would just

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/19/2015:  09:51:48

stop all their bickering and take a look at their selves.

They have a habit of being snotty and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/19/2015:  09:55:33

no one ever uses a handkerchief.

The sidewalks are

OM45GE - Posted - 02/20/2015:  04:32:50

 a messy and slippery place that no one wants to walk on. 

As a result, everyone walks 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/20/2015:  05:10:52

across the lawns,,leaving pathways come spring.

Always drink from the "upstream"of the herd,then nothing

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/20/2015:  07:21:25

but rabbit and coyote poop will flavo(u)r your pristine drinking water.

My advice to any lone cowhand

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/20/2015:  07:59:45

is to never trust a lone cow.

One time the Duke was driving cattle and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/20/2015:  17:50:49

was pulled over by the police who asked to see his cattle driving license. 

The Duke replied, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/21/2015:  00:30:07

"Listen here, Pilgrim! You haven't got a leg to stand on"...BAMM!



Actually,the Duke's name was Marion

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/21/2015 00:33:21

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/21/2015:  03:57:52

and he was NOT one of those pilgrims.

We were all waiting around the water tank when

jistgreg - Posted - 02/21/2015:  15:12:27

the Duchess hove into view. 

"Where's the Duke?" she 

Edited by - jistgreg on 02/21/2015 15:12:54

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/21/2015:  20:45:10

inquired suspiciously as she removed her wooden leg.

This piece of hard maple

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/22/2015:  03:42:37

was her defence and persuasion weapon.

Are you going to tell me where he is or do I

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2015:  05:22:06

have to beat it out of you?

That is not my preferred

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/22/2015:  06:52:00

method of obtaining information,,but it works.

The only other alternative is to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2015:  07:19:07

get out my banjo and and play "Hell Among The Yearlings" over and over til you succumb and 'fess up.

There's more than one way

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2015:  15:28:59

to skin a cat, whatever the hell the means. 

I wonder why anyone would want

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/23/2015:  03:59:13

to skin a cat anyway?

Only other thing to do is

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2015:  04:31:37

leave the poor beast with its skin still attached. 

After all, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2015:  05:00:57

a skinless cat would be the laughing stock of the back alley neighbourhood.

However,a skins golf game

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/23/2015:  07:00:59

is played only by skinheads.

But they have to

jistgreg - Posted - 02/23/2015:  11:06:37

skin their heads to be ontologically correct. 

When the Grammar Police come a-knockin', 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2015:  11:16:21

you had better dot your eyes and cross your tees,before they throw you in punkchewAsian gaol.

Bail would be set

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/23/2015:  11:51:38

according to individual IQ's.

The judge is out right now,he

jistgreg - Posted - 02/23/2015:  13:53:47

is at the drugstore looking for Smart Pillls. 

Some people should be put on an island 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/23/2015:  17:44:38

with a beautiful mate and provisions.

No not like Gilligan or

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2015:  23:05:05

Bob Denver, who never knew his *#~ from a hole in the ground.

A toasted Denver

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/24/2015:  04:02:09

will cause you to blabber mouth and say stupid stuff.

Ann Margret would never say bad words or

jistgreg - Posted - 02/24/2015:  04:45:20

get toasted without first designating a driver. 

Designing women 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/24/2015:  04:48:00

is very difficult. 

They have so many

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/24/2015:  06:18:08

curves to follow.

The flat chested ones are easier to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/24/2015:  10:07:54

catch, like Popeye's gal Olive Oil, who often doubled as Miss Jane Hathaway.

Many make good pole vaulters