chuckv97 - Posted - 11/23/2019:  18:08:16

is what gives a ‘kick’ to Jimmy’s place after hours.

In the backroom

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/23/2019:  20:16:17

you’re likely to find a perpetual poker game with everyone from professional gamblers to the mayor at varous times.

The police chief plays once a week, and always

OM45GE - Posted - 11/24/2019:  05:25:54

cleans out all the other players.

I’m not saying he cheats, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/24/2019:  07:45:40

his wife sits on the sidelines winking, nodding, and guffawing.



Her days as a third base coach

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/24/2019 07:45:53

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/24/2019:  17:50:18

taught her what amounts to another language.

Not only does she constantly jammer, but she wears sunglasses, which

OM45GE - Posted - 11/24/2019:  18:42:53

prevents us from reading her intentions.

We’re probably lucky that

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/24/2019:  19:06:16

she’s a lousy poker player, besides her tendency to confuse clubs with spades.



The chief often ignores her tip-offs

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/24/2019 19:07:17

OM45GE - Posted - 11/25/2019:  02:45:23

which really ticks her off.

Then she refuses to

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/26/2019:  04:29:47

work the dance floor.

But the owner knows that she will do

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2019:  04:56:33

it anyway, despite her protests to the contrary.

She often does

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/26/2019:  08:39:08

Imogene Coca impressions for the geritol crowd.

My TV set quit working

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2019:  18:22:16

after I smashed it with an axe.

Don’t talk to me about anger management or I will

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/27/2019:  01:30:04

smash something else.

Now, of course, I need to spend Black Friday

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2019:  04:12:28

waiting in line outside a Walmart with the hordes of trailer park trash.

If anyone mentions

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2019:  04:17:17

how much I’m saving, I try not to think of the hours I’m wasting.



I’m trying to decide if

Edited by - OM45GE on 11/27/2019 04:17:43

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/27/2019:  07:42:11

I should start shopping at target.

But that wouldn't solve

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2019:  09:56:17

my desire for the warm feelings I get at Walmart when the greeter utters those cheerful words,”Welcome to Walmart”.

However, I’ve decided to shop online from now on

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2019:  11:22:29

because I can’t be tempted to shoplift.

That’s helpful because I

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 11/29/2019:  03:22:27

threw out my back the last time I tried to shoplift a refrigerator.

I suppose it would have been easier had I used a dolly, but

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2019:  03:24:11

I had already stolen the dolly and stashed it in my van.

Planning isn’t my strongest

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2019:  03:37:39

suit, as my haberdasher is wont to say.

His fees

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2019:  03:50:58

are quite reasonable considering how difficult some of his clients are to deal with.

For example, I

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/02/2019:  08:40:02

saw him fitting a Andre the Giant the other day.

When he gave Andre the bill

OM45GE - Posted - 12/02/2019:  17:17:59

he had to stand on tip toes and Andre had to stoop over.

This caused Andre’s back to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/04/2019:  18:43:10

go into severe spasms.



My haberdasher then put him in a full nelson

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/04/2019 18:45:57

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/04/2019:  22:24:53

causing his brain to undergo a time warp, making him think he was Admiral Horatio Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar.

He began to speak uncontrollably in a British accent, and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2019:  03:11:21

muttering something about needing his brown pants.

A few of us knew that he

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/05/2019:  07:44:48

had soiled his other pants two years before the mast.

The high seas

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/05/2019:  11:09:28

are normally reached only by sopranos and counter-tenors, neither of whom are known to spend time aboard ship.

Sea chanteys, however require voices that

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2019:  12:22:46

are loud enough to be heard over an inebriated crowd but not so loud as to disturb those with hangovers.

Sometime the revelers

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/05/2019:  14:26:29

revel ‘til Reveille is played at 6 am.

By then their tinnitus

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2019:  03:27:08

preventd them from carrying on any sort of meaningful conversations.



They shouted at each other and

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/06/2019 03:27:28

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/07/2019:  21:20:54

finally, in desperation, turned to texting.

That quantum leap into the 2010s meant that

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/07/2019:  21:28:04

many illiterate revelers were left to twiddle their thumbs.

A nut and his cell phone

OM45GE - Posted - 12/08/2019:  04:00:29

would be soon parted in a perfect world.

Unfortunately, in this world they just

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/08/2019:  17:27:54

weave across highway lanes indiscriminately.

Broderick Crawford chased one down

OM45GE - Posted - 12/08/2019:  17:44:13

but had to stop at the rest area to use the bathroom. 

That let 

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/08/2019 17:45:03

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/08/2019:  19:24:22

the miscreant escape until the pursuit was taken up by Larry Wilcox and Erik Estrada.

They ran into trouble, though, when a thunderstorm

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/08/2019:  19:47:51

descended upon them in all its fury.

Their cruiser hydro-planed

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/08/2019:  22:47:38

which was interesting, because they usually rode motorcycles.



But they were halfway to Barstow before they realized their cruiser had swapped ends when it hydroplaned, so

Edited by - Bill Rogers on 12/08/2019 22:48:14

OM45GE - Posted - 12/09/2019:  09:31:38

they decided to stop in at the Black Bear Diner for a bite to eat.

All the locals know

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/09/2019:  10:21:01

that bear is not on the menu anymore.

Nonplussed, the two defenders of the law

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/09/2019:  12:13:10

nonetheless each opted for the chicken fried steak.

Unfortunately, just as they were digging in, an unearthly scream came from

OM45GE - Posted - 12/10/2019:  03:18:44

the restroom at the rear of the diner.



As they ran towards

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/10/2019 03:19:13

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/10/2019:  04:02:09

source of the screams they were met with a noxious odo(u)r.

Apparently someone had died while defecating

OM45GE - Posted - 12/10/2019:  04:30:25

after a long and painful bout of constipation.

The stench was so overwhelming

Bill Rogers - Posted - 12/10/2019:  10:58:53

that the CHP boys called the local fire department to take over, and headed back out on the road.

Finally going in the right direction, they checked in and were told to be on the lookout for a mob of kangaroos that had escaped from a sanctuary, and

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/10/2019:  11:04:21

were rumoured to be stomping grapes in the Napa Valley.



They were much more efficient

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/10/2019 11:04:56

OM45GE - Posted - 12/10/2019:  14:51:20

than the motley crew of college students and migrant workers who usually did the job.

Unfortunately, the kangaroos’ foot hygiene