banjoscotty - Posted - 05/01/2014:  11:38:18

he'll use it only to buy good stuff.

I think everyone should have at least one large

OM45GE - Posted - 05/01/2014:  14:49:03

piece of chocolate cake every day.

It would help them

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/01/2014:  16:05:54

appreciate the cocoa bean pickers in South America.
Juan des los Hershey

OM45GE - Posted - 05/01/2014:  17:40:30

whose real name was Willy Wonka, had a weird attraction to little people.

We're not saying he was

MWBailey - Posted - 05/01/2014:  18:20:30

weird or anything.

He just preferred

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/01/2014:  21:51:01

championing the little guy.

On one fight card

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2014:  02:55:51

we have Haystack Calhoun v. the Incredible Hulk.

They'll be 

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/02/2014:  06:54:01

promoting corn and pork while entertaining the masses.

Wrestling and boxing

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2014:  07:19:01

are not everyone's cup of tea.

But for those who are fans,

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/03/2014:  19:34:26

it's like a drink of heaven- sent nectar.

Many fight fans

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/03/2014:  21:23:23

said no way but reality said other ways

the water is risen and the

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2014:  04:36:36

ducks are happy. 

They are about the only

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/04/2014:  07:03:53

birds that quack.

Quacking can really

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2014:  07:12:41

drive dogs crazy.
Many a hound has

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/04/2014:  07:22:26

wound up in the psychiatric ward of the fancier canine hospitals from ODing on to much quack.

I hear there is a movement afoot

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2014:  13:19:41

to tape duck's bill shut with duct tape. 

It would create

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2014:  18:41:37

quite an uproar at the Ducks Unlimited meetings.

Quack discrimination

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/04/2014:  19:57:38

, as I understand it, is the main reason (I am not making this up) the American Quack Association was founded back in 1985.

Quackery, for all intents and purposes

MWBailey - Posted - 05/04/2014:  20:45:55

must be expressed or it builds up pressure in the duck.

Thus, if one tape's a duck's mouth shut,

FRAILER57 - Posted - 05/04/2014:  21:51:51

you create a condition known as "butt quack", which scares the fish,causing

the fishing tournament to

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2014:  22:06:55

to be a dismal failure.

But "butt-quack" can be rect(um)ified

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2014:  02:46:24

with the careful and diligent application of even more duct tape.

First one must gently lift

Edited by - OM45GE on 05/05/2014 02:46:37

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2014:  04:29:52

all foreign matter away from the land mine.

Then send the Duck down there to

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2014:  04:39:54

jump up and down on the detonator.

If it doesn't go off

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/05/2014:  05:54:28

go show the Duck what he is doing wrong.

After step one has been completed

 

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2014:  06:57:38

use several rolls of duct tape to reassemble the remains of the duck.

Take them to the

Edited by - OM45GE on 05/05/2014 06:59:22

 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2014:  09:19:27

ducks' happy ducking ground.

Never leave a campfire un-attended because

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/05/2014:  11:46:14

Yogi and BooBoo will start roasting marshmallows.

The Ranger

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2014:  12:02:18

will diligently protect picnic baskets from marauding bears.

In his zeal, he

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/05/2014:  15:08:02

slipped and knocked himself unconscious.

When he came to his senses

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2014:  15:21:10

the bears had made off with all the picnic baskets.

He wonder what he was going to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/05/2014:  17:24:36

tell the tourists.

They'll be hungry

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2014:  18:09:28

and surly.

He decided to

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/05/2014:  18:22:53

stop and take in a few

the. next time this happens I'm

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2014:  02:58:18

not going to be anywhere near the place.

I've decided to

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/06/2014:  04:34:33

transfer to the RCMP.

That should fix everything untill

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2014:  06:27:23

tourist season starts in Canada.

Then I'm afraid it will all

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2014:  09:37:48

be déjà vu all over again.

The Mountie always gets his man,but

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2014:  10:50:38

the bears always get their picnic baskets.

Especially when tourists are so

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2014:  14:10:53

sympathetic with bears wearing hats and ties.

But a bear with

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2014:  14:49:26

no clothes on is another matter entirely.

Suddenly they're not

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/07/2014:  02:48:21

what I would call friendly.

Bulldozers sometimes get stuck because

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/07/2014:  03:04:48

because the operators text their girlfriends.

They can't multi-task

OM45GE - Posted - 05/07/2014:  04:12:05

and don't watch where they are going. 

You would think

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/07/2014:  15:32:22

the boss would bury their cell phones.

But dozer operators

OM45GE - Posted - 05/07/2014:  15:42:36

don't like to be pushed around. 

They prefer

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/07/2014:  16:27:40

pushing other stuff around.

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/07/2014:  18:27:31

But their girlfriends don't like pushy boyfriends.

So they dump

BigMonFan - Posted - 05/07/2014:  20:29:25

all the trucks in the wrong places and slash the tires just for the fun of it.

Junkyard dogs