OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2018:  18:12:16

get to enjoy a nice piece of shoo fly pie.

That's probably a good thing, because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2018:  18:34:11

southern hospitality only goes so far, as in the Masix Donson Line.

From now on it’ll be poutine

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2018:  04:15:35

for you and prime rib for me.

That's just how

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/14/2018:  06:52:35

things shake out in these parts.

Speaking of parts

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2018:  10:24:30

, I tried out for the lead of the new Superman movie.

The casting director said I was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/14/2018:  12:29:03

wasting his time due to my abhorrence of heights.

An actor and his stunt double

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2018:  16:47:48

have a special symbiotic relationship.

However, there are some inherent inequities such as

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/14/2018:  19:41:04

the high level of masochism a stunt double possesses.

Myself, I’d rather be single

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/15/2018:  03:48:27

and stick to dating older women. (older meaning 45 to 65)......

This new Ford I'm driving sure isn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2018:  05:04:43

as good as my old ’67 Galaxie.

My air bag

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2018:  08:06:15

frightens me.

I worry that it will

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2018:  16:49:00

be under inflated as per New England footballs.

English footballs, however,

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2018:  16:54:26

are not at all the same as American footballs.

For one thing, they

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2018:  17:02:45

lack points, for another it is never handled by a butt-stinking center/centre.

Don’t confuse uprights with goalposts

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/15/2018:  20:45:29

If you live one a western ranch.

More than one rustler has been hung on

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2018:  04:24:59

a goalpost, but there's no record of one ever being hung on an upright.

Perhaps they don't

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/16/2018:  09:40:26

get up on their high horses anymore to reach that far up.

Besides, no one has seen an upright

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2018:  11:15:08

that could handle the load of a rustler.

They're not designed for

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/17/2018:  02:52:00

the weak and frail,,but for the heavy and strong.

Keep in mind that 8"oak poles

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2018:  06:26:37

are not suitable as chopsticks.

You'll find they are

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2018:  07:34:44

not what they’re cracked up to be.

Fake oak

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/17/2018:  09:00:12

is for fake oakers.

How did you like it when

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2018:  12:53:26

they stuck a straw in your ear and sucked out half your brains?

I bet it was worse than

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2018:  04:42:54

getting laid by 6 fat females.

Never let it be said that Uncle Sam

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/18/2018:  07:04:29

doesn’t want to recruit snowflakes.

Even Gomer was accepted

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/19/2018:  03:15:36

and what a flake he was.

He was also a

OM45GE - Posted - 02/19/2018:  04:59:15

shameless braggart who's ego was a vast as the outdoors.

He was so vain,

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/19/2018:  05:26:08

even the weather vanes broke their silence.

Roosters have a way

OM45GE - Posted - 02/19/2018:  15:27:49

crowing about their achievements in the most obnoxious manner, even though their achievements are virtually non-existent.

Perhaps that's why

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/19/2018:  16:42:11

they sleep in a chicken coop with all its grime and stink.

If I was a rooster

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/20/2018:  04:20:08

I'd go roost someplace else.

He's very lucky if he's red because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/20/2018:  08:11:28

green roosters only copulate on St. Patrick’s Day.

The hens around here

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/21/2018:  02:39:28

are looking for macho roosters...(know what I mean)?

They have found two but

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2018:  04:49:38

one flew the coop and the other was roasted for dinner.

Now they’re hoping

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/21/2018:  08:05:12

the neighbour’s cock will drift over to their den of iniquity.

Some windcocks are frozen in time

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2018:  05:33:32

whilst others are blown aimlessly with the wind.

They seem to have no

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2018:  21:30:24

moral compass ,nor any sense of community responsibility.

If I see a windcock shirking his duties

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/23/2018:  02:49:39

I'll have the Sheriff to cock it's wind.

But for sure a windcock will

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2018:  04:59:23

attract attention if you hang a few items of clothing from it.

Some interesting choices include

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/23/2018:  06:58:35

key,,screw driver,or vise grip operated.

Vise grip is by far the best because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2018:  08:14:44

we know the vice squad uses them as persuaders.

Never crack your nuts

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2018:  18:56:02

with a pair of vice grips unless you video the entire procedure.

Then you can post

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2018:  21:11:08

it on the “California Walnut Growers” Facebook page.

Wally and Lumpy decided to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/24/2018:  02:13:29

skip this years potato festival.

They said they might go

OM45GE - Posted - 02/24/2018:  03:25:57

if their sister Lulu is named the Potato Princess.

She’s never

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/24/2018:  05:50:14

won that event before.

Maybe this year the judges will

OM45GE - Posted - 02/24/2018:  06:06:56

overlook her personality flaws and behavior issues.

Last year, she

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/24/2018:  07:45:48

came up to the podium spittin’ nails and cussin’ out the judges.

Look out, ‘cuz Lulu’s back in town

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/25/2018:  03:24:17

and she's lose 63lbs.and looks fabulous.

She's bound to be a winner this time because