banjoscotty - Posted - 01/21/2017:  12:59:49

be her gigalo.

Her mother is still alive and

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/21/2017:  17:34:15

nuttier than Eddie Shack tearing up the wing.

But her mother is toothless

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2017:  18:57:20

because of a lifetime drinking sugary sodas and eating candy. 

Without her dentures she looks like

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2017:  01:59:25

Johnny Bower with a hare lip.



She quit eating..,err ,gumming, crackerjack

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/22/2017 01:59:51

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2017:  03:56:29

after she mistook the prize for a flavor packet and the tiny whistle got lodged in her throat. 

"Help me!" she tweeted, but I 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2017:  06:44:30

couldn't find her tweeter.

But I kept on looking and soon

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2017:  09:22:56

extracted the offending whistle and called her lawyer to begin legal proceedings.

Maybe the old gal can pad my wallet

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2017:  10:33:41

with the sizable settlement she won in her suit against Cracker Jacks. 

That was nothing to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2017:  13:13:28

do with Jack the Cracker.

But you might want to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2017:  14:24:51

try eating the prize from a box of Cracker Jacks just to see what ha. 

Who knows, you might

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2017:  16:59:08

end up in Davey Jones' locker.

The British Invasion

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2017:  18:10:11

might have passed unnoticed if there had been fewer attractive women hanging around the bands. 

As it was, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2017:  03:31:35

the women were attracted to shiny brass.

That started heavy metal music and the women went

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2017:  03:43:45

even crazier than ever. 

At one Iron Butterfly concert 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2017:  04:01:11

all the women took off their bras.

and The Iron Butterfly crashed and burned right in

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2017:  05:41:00

in the midst of the unbound bosoms.

The drummer was heard to say

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2017:  08:11:02

he didn't miss his high hat at all.

Women with iron-clad

Forrest - Posted - 01/23/2017:  08:51:16

chastity belts tend to get  very few dates unless the appropriate locksmith has been bribed. 

Chastity belts have the

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2017:  11:01:46

odd effect of making something difficult to obtain even more desirable.

Of course, my level of desire was already

Forrest - Posted - 01/23/2017:  12:30:54

off the charts on account of my recent discovery of Horny Goat Weed and musk ox gland extract.

I have difficulty controlling my

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2017:  12:44:10

four hour stiffness of joints.

I tried Icy Hot Rub

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2017:  13:09:15

but the contradictory name made my head hurt.

I tried rubbing it on my head but

Forrest - Posted - 01/23/2017:  14:09:53

forgot to wash my hands prior to going to the bathroom.

You can imagine my surprise when

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2017:  15:26:27

my privates started burning as if dipped in liquified nitrogen.

I quickly phoned my sawbones

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2017:  16:03:49

and he said to apply ice cold orange juice.

I did that and "MAN-O-MAN" it started

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2017:  02:38:40

when the dog caught a whiff of my orangey menthol scented man berries and thought they might make a tasty treat. 

I was trying to fend him off with one hand and use the other to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/24/2017:  03:38:38

protect mySELF.

But the dog was to much for me and

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2017:  05:27:00

sunk his big canines deep into my crotch.

He didn't know I was wearing my goalie's jock

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2017:  06:11:05

and, as he spit out his canine teeth, asked, "what the hell kind of supplements have you been eating?".

He then ran to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/24/2017:  08:28:07

alert all the other dogs to leave me alone.

I remember well how Old Yeller

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2017:  08:39:10

used to growl when the boys in town tried kicking him around.



Yeller lost his

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/24/2017 08:39:28

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2017:  11:30:00

cool one day and told the local dog catcher what he could do with his stupid net.

The dog catcher promptly

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/24/2017:  16:11:53

netted Yeller and took him in.

But Yeller escaped and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2017:  18:38:26

stole the dog catcher's truck and drove to the Outback Steakhouse.

He ordered 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2017:  19:45:34

the Dogcatcher Blue Plate Special, with a side order of Gravy Train.

The waitress was nonplussed

OM45GE - Posted - 01/25/2017:  02:36:10

by the request and had sit for a few minutes to gather her wits. 

She finally decided to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/25/2017:  04:38:21

help him eat it.

Yum-Yum she said as she

OM45GE - Posted - 01/25/2017:  07:08:53

slurped up the Gravy Train.

She had never known

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/25/2017:  08:20:44

anything to taste so good.

But her enjoyment was short lived because

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/25/2017:  08:45:27

Dr. Ballard walked in and gave her a tongue lashing.

She kind of enjoyed

OM45GE - Posted - 01/25/2017:  11:09:35

the tongue lashing but was put off by the porcine sounds he made while doing it.

It reminded her of

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/26/2017:  11:11:52

her late husband.

But she left town to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/26/2017:  11:51:00

avoid the arrest warrant.

She hoped to get

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/26/2017:  13:12:37

wooed by a rich oil tycoon, but had to settle for a Fuller Brush salesman.

So she's back to slinging hash

OM45GE - Posted - 01/26/2017:  13:33:15

while he's cleaning up in the brush trade.

You might say they are

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/26/2017:  15:23:51

making ends meet.

She asked him if he might consider

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/26/2017:  15:29:19

starting a bluegrass band to enjoy fame, adulation ,and bankruptcy.

He told her

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/26/2017:  18:30:43

no thanks lady,I'm all of that already.

So then she told him

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2017:  06:21:37

she knew a way to make a small fortune in music.

Apparently you start with a large fortune and