OM45GE - Posted - 02/02/2018:  16:08:30

you're prepared to end up like my cousin Rocco.

He was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/02/2018:  22:00:38

waterskiing on the Detroit River, and poof!, he disappeared.

Those teamster bosses won’t put up with

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2018:  04:45:48

someone horning in on their extortion schemes.

They want

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2018:  22:45:24

cake and eat it too.

Speaking of cake,

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2018:  14:33:00

have you heard the one about Marie Antoinette a the gardener?

Neither have I, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2018:  18:13:27

the punch line is beyond anyone’s grasp.

Don’t feed me anymore

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2018:  12:24:59

raw oysters.

The first three dozen were

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2018:  14:43:15

fine but I’ve now come to the point of no return.

Maybe a stomach pump

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2018:  16:11:37

would be helpful.

I think there's one in the back of

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2018:  19:22:28

Sgt. O’Hara’s police cruiser.



The good sargeant drives the back streets at night

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/05/2018 19:22:57

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2018:  03:29:36

looking for miscreants and trouble makers.

When he finds them, he

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2018:  08:23:58

pumps them for information, then their stomachs just for good measure.

Some complain to the Jailbird Union, Local 133

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2018:  12:45:23

without realizing that the union was disbanded years ago.

Phone calls go to an answering machine

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2018:  17:01:06

located in the Leavenworth dump.

Warden Borden busted the Union

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2018:  02:23:04

and then busted that answering machine.

So you're just SOL if you try to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2018:  05:05:45

voice any complaints after murdering your annoying neighbour.

It’s best to phone Col. Parabull at the Salvation Army

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2018:  05:18:20

and ask him to have his bell ringers say a prayer for you.

It may not help with

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2018:  15:01:25

all the fellers you've shot.

But it's

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2018:  15:33:41

better than having a hellhound on your trail.

Murder has become politically incorrect

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/08/2018:  02:23:16

in some states.

But in Florida it's still lawful to

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2018:  05:13:14

tie an elephant to a parking meter as long as you pay the meter fees.



However, you can't kiss your wife's

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/08/2018 05:13:39

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2018:  07:46:45

arse in public anymore.

Sucking up to her

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2018:  11:54:18

has to be done in private.



Of course, your abject subservience will be obvious to

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/08/2018 11:54:34

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2018:  19:30:33

all who carefully watch your every move.

Her Pop is a

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/09/2018:  06:36:44

the mayor.

Be careful that you

OM45GE - Posted - 02/09/2018:  12:08:34

are have plenty of yard signs and bumper stickers before the next election.

He doesn't like it if

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/09/2018:  12:29:05

you betray the family name by hobnobbing with the opponents.

The mayor made a fool of himself

OM45GE - Posted - 02/09/2018:  13:27:46

when he appeared at an important speech wearing his My Little Pony pajamas.

To make things worse, he

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2018:  02:41:23

took them off to show his spider man underwear.

Then before security could

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2018:  08:30:49

hustle him off the platform Yosemite Sam fired two warning shots.

He’s ridden high and hard

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2018:  11:30:52

and put his horse away wet.

That, as everyone knows, is not

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2018:  16:47:38

the “cowboy way”.

A cowpoke and his cayuse are soon parted

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2018:  17:06:06

when the cowpoke starts making amorous advances on the cayuse.

The horses do not

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2018:  17:50:19

cotton to such hijinks.

They do,however, cotton to

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2018:  17:59:15

a nice soft, 100% cotton blanket.

They're no fools when it comes to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2018:  20:02:56

Egyptian Cotton ,and other luxuries such as silk feedbags.

If you spoil a horse, however,

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/11/2018:  03:22:10

they might just start horsing around.

Then you won't be able to depend

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2018:  11:44:36

on them to be serious when you need them to give you advice.

They're likely to say things like,

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2018:  02:56:13

hey boss,wasn't that a nice filly in the last pasture we passed

Two years ago I bought him a mare and he acted

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2018:  07:11:22

so foolish, she jumped the paddock fence and ran off.

We're still trying to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/12/2018:  07:43:43

follow up on all the leads we got from our craigslist posting.

Some mares don’t care for Sadie Horsins Day

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2018:  08:22:59

so we don't let them read Li'l Abner.

Occasionally they sneak a copy so we have to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2018:  16:48:49

lighten up on them a bit.

But Mammy Yoakum was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/12/2018:  22:04:29

tryin’ to light her pipe but pappy had filled the bowl with mouldy hay.

Dogpatch is one place where

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2018:  03:55:41

you can be yourself and nobody will notice.

Just don't fool round with Daisy May or Mammy will

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2018:  05:14:16

open a can of whup ass and spoon feed you with it.

When she's done, you will

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2018:  06:11:01

tie you to a sassafras tree and let the bears lick your wounds.

The locals here are

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2018:  06:49:16

remarkably intolerant of outsiders.

When I got here, they

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2018:  13:59:10

threw me in jail without beating me.

That was sure a blessing along with