OM45GE - Posted - 01/13/2017:  13:23:18

for tokers too and is quite good at luring them into her bed.

The Chief has a

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/14/2017:  04:37:04

soft spot finder that he uses..

It is very accurate when he

OM45GE - Posted - 01/14/2017:  04:40:49

gets it properly adjusted. 

That can be difficult 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/14/2017:  07:39:22

since his wrench is rusty.

He who laughs last

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/14/2017:  07:52:39

is the last one to laugh.

Never laugh at a

OM45GE - Posted - 01/14/2017:  16:29:25

charging Cape Buffalo or yours may indeed be your last laugh. 

Cape Buffalo have a poor

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/14/2017:  17:22:44

sense of judgement when it comes to sparing banjoists.

Their rap sheet

OM45GE - Posted - 01/14/2017:  19:11:32

is rife with assault with intent to cause grievous bodily harm on a picker convictions. 

There also several 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/14/2017:  20:15:48

fiddlers who share the Cape Buffalo's rancourous malice and outright pugnacity.

Never lend a fiddle player your capo

OM45GE - Posted - 01/14/2017:  20:38:50

without getting something of equal value as collateral. 

Either that, or be prepared 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/15/2017:  17:59:36

survive a capo-less existence, and under the shadow of fiddlers everywhere.

It's time to pay

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/16/2017:  09:33:15

up or hit the road.

Down in Brazil the musicians just

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2017:  11:21:50

hit the road as a matter of course - sort of a tire of passage.

If they don't hit the road, they

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2017:  12:29:09

hit the road jack, since flat tires there are rites of passage.

Bonfa and Jobim walked into a bar

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/16/2017:  12:55:18

stayed for two hours and walked out of the bar.

They wanted to bring their bikes in but

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2017:  16:35:54

the Girl Scouts had set up tables to sell cookies and there was no room.  

They ordered six boxes of

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2017:  16:53:49

stale oat bran cookies , but after one bite gave'em to Barfly Betty who was down in Rio to elope with an internet lover.

Her long-held dreams

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2017:  17:01:17

of winning the Miss America pageant had long since been abandoned.

Now she just hoped to

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/17/2017:  03:32:46

snag some poor old "John".

She found him in slumped in the doorway of

OM45GE - Posted - 01/17/2017:  07:27:17

of the local liquor store.

He seemed to be

Forrest - Posted - 01/17/2017:  07:48:04

in possession of all the necessary equipment and many of his brain cells.

The real difficulty was

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/17/2017:  08:16:42

dragging him to the altar.

She had planned their honeymoon

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/17/2017:  08:16:48

getting him up and in the car.

Drunks are very hard to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/17/2017:  11:28:46

motivate unless they see something in it for themselves.

For example, if you ask a drunk to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/17/2017:  11:42:38

walk five miles to buy liquor - no problem.

But ask them to clean out the empty whisky bottles behind the couch

OM45GE - Posted - 01/17/2017:  13:29:53

and suddenly they can't get off the couch to save their lives.

Threatening them won't

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/18/2017:  03:05:03

even penetrate their pea-brain.

They are completely incapable of

OM45GE - Posted - 01/18/2017:  03:26:37

reason or logical thought. 

They often

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/18/2017:  09:04:47

argue with liquor salesmen over the price of tea in China.

Never tell a boozer

Forrest - Posted - 01/18/2017:  11:38:15

anything that you do not want to hear back from other people as mangled gossip.

I once read the following on the men's room wall: 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/18/2017:  14:20:38

"here I sit, broken hearted, paid a dime to crap and only farted."

I wasn't sure what

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/18/2017:  17:10:44

the dime reference was all about since I always crawled under the door.

Why pay to donate

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2017:  02:41:22

to the local sanitary system?

After all, don't bears 

Forrest - Posted - 01/19/2017:  09:14:58

crap in the woods and if so, why can't I do my business in the alley by the bar without getting arrested?

The hardest part of pooping in public is

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2017:  09:57:40

fighting off the dung beetles .

My last beetle was a '61 bug

Forrest - Posted - 01/19/2017:  11:59:37

and it was definitely not made of dung, although I did call it a POS a few times, usually when referring to the dim headlights and crappy heater.

The cool thing about Bugs was

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2017:  13:00:40

how easy they were to hot wire, which got me home on more than one occasion.

When I think about it

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2017:  13:19:05

that bug was not so buggy.

But I had a 1949 Ford that

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2017:  13:39:30

had a flat head to pair up with my flat top haircut.

But those trannys

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2017:  15:01:53

didn't like to be pop clutched in 2nd gear.

But they would run like a scalded dog if

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2017:  15:33:52

you got the shift smoothly. 

I remember one time when

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2017:  15:38:13

my drunken gal pal threw in reverse at the drive-in movie.

A demo derby ensued

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2017:  02:49:13

which was more entertaining than the double feature movies 🎥 

I was disappointed that my girlfriend and I 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/20/2017:  04:02:35

had to walk home that night in the rain..

Her dad was not very

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/20/2017:  08:38:14

sober and laughed in my face with a diabolical cackle.

I left before the knives came out

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2017:  10:52:05

as soon as I heard him mutter something about "here's another one for the crawl space".

There may be an innocent explanation, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/20/2017:  11:24:40

I'm not waiting around to hear it

She called me the next

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2017:  13:00:15

day and tried to convince me that her dad was not a homicidal maniac.

I asked her what kind of maniac he was which seemed to upset her because

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/20/2017:  13:29:51

to her maniacal behaviour seemed normal.

Never stay with a gal who wears track pants and high heels