chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2018:  08:33:54

your galpal flirts with said fiddler.

Her heart may not lie with the ol’ 5

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2018:  08:37:58

string, but her lying eyes will tell.



It's best to break things off now so

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/04/2018 08:38:31

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2018:  11:38:56

that you and your prewar can ride off into the sunset.

Sleeping with a banjo

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2018:  13:15:13

is a form of safe sex because most banjos are STD free.

However, they do come with strings attached but

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2018:  20:36:08

those can be loosened and pushed aside.

A tight head

OM45GE - Posted - 04/05/2018:  05:14:06

is not something you should take for granite.



People may think you’re

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/05/2018 05:14:40

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2018:  06:33:53

anal, but you’ll have to tell them you just have principles.

My coffe seems to be

OM45GE - Posted - 04/05/2018:  12:19:11

missing an "e", but that dosn't mak m concrnd as I gt by without thm all th tim.

Sometimes it confuses by readers, but I don't

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2018:  12:36:46

feel the need to explain myself anymore.

My galpal often says ,” Tell me what I mean.”,

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2018:  04:37:50

which confuses me because I’m not sure what she means by that.

When I try to respond, she

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/06/2018:  09:56:18

says shhhh.

I know what that means but why do all the

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2018:  10:03:36

worrying about what she wants me to say?

I'll be wrong no matter what

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2018:  10:28:35

I utter.

Her idea of a good time

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2018:  11:02:36

is to wait until I've just fallen asleep and then scream like a banshee.

That makes me

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/06/2018:  13:42:36

very nervous.

But after a good night of sleep she

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2018:  13:44:23

has even more energy and enthusiasm for finding new ways to make my life a living hell.

It seems like some sort of

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2018:  14:24:12

sick merry-go-round thought up by sadistic characters right out of a Charles Dickens novel.

Speaking of London, I

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2018:  14:25:38

dropped in on the Queen to see how Prince Philip was doing.

She's always happy to see me, but this time she

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2018:  14:28:24

flogged me with a cat’o’nine tails, a particularly favourite fetish of Her Majesty.

The long-suffering Philip

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2018:  18:15:48

was watching by Skype from his hospital room.

He kept

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2018:  03:27:35

trying to sat something.

I recon we'll never know what they

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2018:  07:30:09

gave him for pain killers, but the must have been pretty powerful judging from the things he was saying.

He actually told the Queen that he

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2018:  17:55:23

was actually hermaphroditic.

So she told him to go

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/08/2018:  03:02:08

a hermaphroditicest and get an examination.

Of course he refused that suggestion saying he

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2018:  07:52:22

doesn’t trust any sawbones with an Indian accent.

Old grudges

OM45GE - Posted - 04/08/2018:  16:33:53

are like old socks.

They

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2018:  18:49:42

Just keep one in a continual state of immorality.

Some State capitols have no domes

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2018:  06:02:48

which makes them hard to differentiate from the surrounding buildings.

You would think they

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/09/2018:  07:52:10

would attach a sign saying,”We like your tax money” or something like that.

I never cheat

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2018:  12:26:35

on my taxes because I don't earn enough to have to pay any.

However, if I could

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/09/2018:  12:30:12

just suck off the gubm’nt teat for 3 more years, I’ll have enough for a Ducati 250.

My wife draws up the budget

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2018:  12:32:53

, but she's a terrible artist and it looks like no budget I've ever seen.

For example, my musical instrument fund is

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/09/2018:  12:41:20

at an all-time low.

Even an “A” Marine Band harmonica

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2018:  12:57:24

is well outside my means.

Maybe I could afford

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/10/2018:  04:00:39

a jaws harp.

There was a time when all

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/10/2018:  06:23:07

poor musicians ate at Buford’s Beanery on Bietdown St.

Buford served up

OM45GE - Posted - 04/10/2018:  06:56:08

absolutely unpalatable food, but his waitstaff was so attractive no one paid any attention to the food.

Then the waitstaff quit en-mass and

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/10/2018:  07:28:35

migrated to Quebec to sling poutine to unsuspecting WASP-ish Ontario snobs.

Their crude motto was “Mange de la merde!”

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/10/2018:  08:27:37

which means sling some more poutine over this direction.

Pay that WASP-ish clan no mind because

OM45GE - Posted - 04/10/2018:  13:13:29

their birthrate is extremely low and their average age is quite high so they will be dying off soon.

Of course, that will also mean

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/10/2018:  14:29:06

a drop in Depends sales , along with a shortage in gravediggers.

My last cemetery visit

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/11/2018:  03:25:12

involved me driving the widow to her new boyfriends condo..

you should have see the

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/11/2018:  03:53:49

look on Pastor Bruce’s face when he realized the unsavory truth.

A fool and his money

OM45GE - Posted - 04/11/2018:  13:18:53

are soon parted, at least as far as the adage goes.

I know plenty of fools with money, so perhaps

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/11/2018:  15:43:34

that old saw is a bunch of hogwash.

But as far as hogwash goes

OM45GE - Posted - 04/12/2018:  04:25:16

how to wash your hog depends on whether you’re washing a Harley Davidson or a large swine.

They’re both a lot of work to wash, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/12/2018:  07:02:09

the Harley is more of a chick magnet when all shined up.

Don’t forget your leather

OM45GE - Posted - 04/12/2018:  13:13:56

chaps with the special tool holder.

The tool holder will

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/12/2018:  13:48:07

also hold a chastity belt for your hostage,,,,err, I mean galpal, in case you periodically have to spend time in the county jail.



The last lawyer I hired

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/12/2018 13:48:38