chuckv97 - Posted - 02/02/2017:  03:45:40

all her wishes and hopes were written on rice paper and stored in an envelope.

Unfortunately, I wasn't

Forrest - Posted - 02/02/2017:  12:38:07

mentioned in her letters which was a real shock given our long and tumultuous relationship.

I think she grew tired of me when

OM45GE - Posted - 02/02/2017:  13:30:48

she found out my nickname of "Donkey" was because of my braying laugh.

She thought it was 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/02/2017:  13:43:51

a personal embarr-ass-ment to be scene avec moi.

So I summarily told her asses and donkeys are like

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/02/2017 13:44:56

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2017:  02:39:51

many of my relatives except that my relatives smell worse. 

They also aren't as

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/03/2017:  03:06:45

sharp as the others knives in the drawer.

What that really means is

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2017:  03:37:39

they are blithering idiots. 

I think I was adopted, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/03/2017:  05:55:35

I can't prove it.

I doesn't matter because

Forrest - Posted - 02/03/2017:  07:53:04

I'm no smarter than my parents.

It's a good thing we work for the circus, because

sandyhookflash - Posted - 02/03/2017:  09:19:57

playing the banjo on a high-wire is a dying art form.

I'm gonna surprise everyone by

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2017:  09:28:13

the time I get to Phoenix, when they'll find the burglar I left hanging in my kitchen.

My inner rage

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2017:  10:57:51

often gets out of control and causes me to do things I can't mention to a soul.

Thankfully I am devious as well so I'm able to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2017:  08:35:59

forget about certain things.

Like the time Sally

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2017:  10:16:31

came home with a beehive hairdo.

She might as well have

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2017:  11:55:00

come home with an actual hive of bees. 🐝 

It stung

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2017:  13:15:54

her momma right in the gitchy-whacky.

That term is actually short for

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2017:  14:03:41

hindquarters, but who's politically correct anymore.

My gal pal idolizesWilma Flintstone

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/05/2017:  03:28:05

for her ability to put up with Fred.

Fred found out that Dino was

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2017:  04:23:05

infested with ticks. 

Thinking that made him a watch dinosaur, Fred 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/05/2017:  05:04:12

used a mixture of turr-pen-tinee and rubbing al-key-haul on Dine.

Dino left there like a streak of lightning and hasn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2017:  05:57:10

left the Rubbles' bedroom in weeks.

Dash Riprock asked Betty

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2017:  12:29:10

if she would help him get something straight. 

She told Dash he could 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2017:  13:55:37

hit the road and go bother Ella May.

But Jethro headed him off at the

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2017:  16:33:12

cement pond and told him Ellie May was off limits. 

Ellie May had other ideas

Forrest - Posted - 02/06/2017:  08:37:27

so she enlisted some of her critters to create a diversion so she could sneak around with Dash. 

Jethro was so upset

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2017:  08:50:17

he grabbed Jed's old shotgun and stormed off to find them at lover's lane.

Next thing you know

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2017:  10:45:54

ol' Jed's a millionaire, kin folk said, "Jed move away from there"....

Oh, sorry, I got lost in

Forrest - Posted - 02/06/2017:  13:14:23

the theme song, which takes me back to my misspent youth.

I spent my youth 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2017:  13:24:33

like I spent my money, foolishly and freely.

My friends were

Forrest - Posted - 02/06/2017:  13:55:59

interesting to say the least.

Trouble was never far

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2017:  14:30:35

away so I hit the road at 15.

My wandering ways became

Forrest - Posted - 02/06/2017:  16:35:44

rambling ways, which went on for years.

I finally hit

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2017:  18:17:32

the end of the road and broke my nose. 

Since that day I've 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2017:  22:06:30

taken to courting street women only.

Shopping carts make good storage units

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2017:  02:51:29

for smaller items like returnable cans and liquor bottles. 

For larger items you need something like

Forrest - Posted - 02/07/2017:  06:22:49

a stolen cargo van, which you can conveniently put up on blocks in an abandoned lot or alley.

My latest find 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2017:  07:02:32

was a 1962 converted ambulance.

It worked for a while but

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2017:  07:38:52

the blood and guts started reeking to high heaven.

Lawyers were chasing me

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2017:  07:55:33

like there was no tomorrow, which was true in a sense.

If I didn't 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2017:  10:27:20

have all this money they might leave me alone.

Humpty-Dumpty's fall was fatal but it

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2017:  10:43:46

led to a really good omelet big enough to feed all the king's men.

All the king's horses went hungry because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2017:  12:24:45

Humpty didn't sow any wild oats.

His cracks were super-glued

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2017:  13:21:17

but it was to late,,,the yoke broke.

And so the king declared a

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2017:  16:00:43

scrambled holiday. 

Bacon was fried and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2017:  17:29:15

flagons of ale were poured.

Most early risers

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/08/2017:  02:21:39

made it to the ceremony.

Only to find out that the king had

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2017:  02:48:44

realized that eating scrambled eggs amounted to cannibalism and cancelled the festivities  

Humpty was a good egg as far as eggs run, but who likes

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/08/2017:  03:27:12

runny eggs?

Well they buried the poor chap while

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2017:  05:42:02

he was still giving them a hard time about the lack of guard rails on the wall and threatening to sue.

You could hear him shouting while