OM45GE - Posted - 11/02/2019:  13:00:00

so they’re unreliable witnesses at best.

No one will believe

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/06/2019:  09:10:27

their gibberish as they talk with slobber and drool dripping from their mouths.

My one day in the army

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2019:  13:40:56

seems to be going well until the drill instructor found me hiding in the closet.

His face was bright red and a large vein popped up on his temple and he started

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/06/2019:  13:49:17

in with a string of curses until he realized that he couldn’t do that in the “new Army.”

So he just suggested that I should see the base psychologist to

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2019:  13:53:31

talk about how I feel being such a loser.



After five minutes with me, the psychologist started pulling

Edited by - OM45GE on 11/06/2019 13:53:52

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/06/2019:  14:32:57

his hair out by the roots, telling me that the state of my psyche made me unfit for combat.



This landed me a gig with the Army Bluegrass Band

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/06/2019 14:33:51

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/06/2019:  20:35:43

whose banjo player fought a losing battle with focal dystonia in his right hand and was discharged on disability.

The downside is that the official GI banjo I got

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2019:  03:10:04

turned out to be a tuba in a weird twist of government acronym nomenclature.

They call tubas, Big And Nicely Jolly Objects and keep them

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2019:  04:33:58

for special events like Groundhog Day.

The acronym for tubas is Turn Up Bowling Alley’s Soundsystem

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2019:  05:51:36

which was devised by the Completely Remarkable Acronym Project.

They were a subcommittee of

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/07/2019:  10:28:56

the John Philip Sousa Memorial Marine Music Committee.

Said committee didn’t care about the Army bluegrass band because

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2019:  11:01:33

the only march they played was a Ralph Stanley’s “Mastertone March” which they thought was a step below their collective dignity.

I proposed a play down, offering a $25 dollar voucher for Grim Jim’s, if the tuba-ists

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2019:  13:58:19

would agree to join us for drinks afterwards.

For some reason, they

Fish Head - Posted - 11/07/2019:  14:25:17

Agreed!
Boy they were a sorry looking bunch of

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2019:  16:33:53

misfits, losers and good for naughts.

It’s a wonder the Army

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2019:  16:59:55

hasn’t folded their tent and left the Middle East.

Our GI’s have trouble with camels

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2019:  17:06:50

, they fight each other to get the good looking ones on date night.

The camels don’t really

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/07/2019:  19:37:08

care, and the question for the soldiers is always “One hump or two.”

That leads to some interesting

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2019:  22:19:08

nights at the oasis.



Abdul , my guide, sleeps on a bed of nails

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/07/2019 22:20:07

OM45GE - Posted - 11/08/2019:  03:26:33

but I’m not sure I get the point.

After all, why

J e f f - Posted - 11/10/2019:  05:45:15

did the sloth cross the road?
Because

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/10/2019:  08:38:17

it was there.

Please don’t send me any

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/10/2019:  11:28:14

dehydrated water.

It’s too costly to rehydrate because

OM45GE - Posted - 11/10/2019:  13:41:23

our water rates have gone through the roof.

Not only that, but the roof leaks and

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/10/2019:  15:03:41

my roomer in the attic hasn’t been seen for days.

His mother brought him some

J e f f - Posted - 11/10/2019:  15:18:40

fresh underwear.

You never know

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/10/2019:  20:48:36

could be the bats got him.

But I don’t think we have vampire bats, so

OM45GE - Posted - 11/11/2019:  02:56:21

that’s one less thing to worry about.

We can only hope

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/11/2019:  03:32:22

his lost aglet will turn up someday.

Our punch is laced with

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/11/2019:  11:11:54

dark Jamaican rum.

That’s the real stuff, not the

OM45GE - Posted - 11/11/2019:  14:38:49

grain alcohol some distillers pass off as rum.

It will still get you

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/11/2019:  15:16:40

to a point of no return.

Life at the Detox Unit

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/11/2019:  19:45:34

has its own distinct odor.

Then it’s back on the street to

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2019:  03:48:41

resume the search for cheap booze.

My favorite libation is

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 11/12/2019:  04:21:03

not sold in stores.

It is hand-made in the back alley

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/12/2019:  04:41:26

from discarded rotten potatoes and beet greens from Grunhilda’s Green Grocer.

My bouts of hallucinations have returned

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2019:  04:54:54

but I don’t think they’re related to my drinking.

For one thing, when I

J e f f - Posted - 11/12/2019:  16:46:02

leave the seat up, I get yelled at every time.

I even get yelled at when

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/12/2019:  16:54:43

I fall through the door at 2am.

I told her I was sorry I spent the grocery money

Bill Rogers - Posted - 11/12/2019:  21:32:18

on losing lottery tIckets.

But now I guess we’ll have to eat

janolov - Posted - 11/12/2019:  23:32:39

some leftovers from the weekend.

After the dinner I will go out

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2019:  04:01:48

and see if there’s anything tasty in the dumpsters behind the local restaurants.

You wouldn’t believe

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/13/2019:  05:00:18

what they throw out at Jimmy’s Lunch.

I found some fried alley cat

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2019:  12:06:20

with all the fixin’s including desert.

I even retrieved some

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/18/2019:  11:31:39

leftover hash, including the pipe.

Jimmy’s troubles started when

OM45GE - Posted - 11/18/2019:  14:41:01

his parents conceived him in the back seat of a 51 Chevy sedan.

Neither of them thought

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/19/2019:  04:09:55

anything would come of it.

But now look at

OM45GE - Posted - 11/19/2019:  04:39:35

how things have turned out.

They’re divorced, their son is somewhere “on the road” and the

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/19/2019:  04:46:47

best years of their lives are still ahead.

Jimmy’s Lunch attracts an interesting clientele