banjoscotty - Posted - 09/10/2014:  02:27:39

never had any money.

But then one day

OM45GE - Posted - 09/10/2014:  03:00:06

a representative of an oil billionaire wrote to say he needed help getting money out of the country.

All we needed to do was

janolov - Posted - 09/10/2014:  05:58:55

i sold my banjo and began to earn money.

The neighbors began to

OM45GE - Posted - 09/10/2014:  06:49:18

complain about the peace and quiet that had descended on the house.

I was surprised because

jistgreg - Posted - 09/10/2014:  10:02:43

the neighboring houses had been boarded up, and I didn't know we had neighbors. 

So, as a neighborly gesture, 

OM45GE - Posted - 09/10/2014:  11:43:59

I invited everyone on the street over for a pig roast.

Then I had to find

oliver james - Posted - 09/10/2014:  12:50:34

a saucepan that would accomodate said pig.

once i figured out that you dont have to poke a hole in the keg

jistgreg - Posted - 09/10/2014:  13:52:14

I was so happy I did a tap dance. 

A New York talent scout noticed me 

OM45GE - Posted - 09/10/2014:  14:50:43

and offered me a part in an upcoming Earl Scruggs revival show.

I'm not sure

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/10/2014:  17:07:40

if Nu Yawkehs go for tap dancing and Scruggs picking.

Broadway ain't

jistgreg - Posted - 09/10/2014:  22:15:59

exactly a hotbed for clogging. 

Speaking of hot beds,  

OM45GE - Posted - 09/11/2014:  05:48:43

let me tell you about my girl friend

She

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/11/2014:  06:31:47

is 3x6 and 4x7,28 and 11.

She's a young thing and

OM45GE - Posted - 09/11/2014:  07:13:50

cannot leave her mother.

Oh where have you been

jistgreg - Posted - 09/11/2014:  07:39:57

Billy Bob, Billy Bob, oh, where have you been, charming Billy? 

I've been to Fargo 

OM45GE - Posted - 09/11/2014:  07:47:13

to see Frances McDormand.

Unlike my wife, Frances is

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/11/2014:  10:14:10

"Frankie" to her Fargo friends,and avoids frisky men.

Too bad

OM45GE - Posted - 09/11/2014:  11:14:43

she's developed an aversion to wood chippers.

I've tried to

jistgreg - Posted - 09/11/2014:  14:36:57

make her see reason, but she won't put her hand in on one. 

One of these days

OM45GE - Posted - 09/11/2014:  16:42:33

she'll believe me when I tell her where I hid the diamond necklace.

Until then, I'll

Scaggs7 - Posted - 09/11/2014:  19:52:59

I will never hunt alone

my starter is goin

OM45GE - Posted - 09/12/2014:  06:11:05

to have to be replaced soon.

I'm getting tired of

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/12/2014:  07:59:42

running alongside and pushing it at 20mph.

This old Model T

jistgreg - Posted - 09/12/2014:  08:29:50

should be traded in for a new model T. 

I wonder whether I can afford 

OM45GE - Posted - 09/12/2014:  11:51:30

the increased insurance rates.

Maybe I'll just

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/12/2014:  15:02:32

dust off my old Corvair that's in the garage.

Ralph Nader

OM45GE - Posted - 09/12/2014:  18:12:00

may have done some good things, but he was a nitwit when it came to cars.

The Corvair was a better basic design than the

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/12/2014:  18:19:26

Pinto,that had a tendency to blow up on impact.

My old paint

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/13/2014:  05:16:57

Will take me where we ain't.

And a gallon of oats are

OM45GE - Posted - 09/13/2014:  08:23:52

cheaper than a gallon of gasoline.

Also, you can't eat

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/13/2014:  15:46:52

off the tree of good and evil.

You need a fast getaway horse

jistgreg - Posted - 09/14/2014:  20:37:01

a black domino mask and a bag marked "$" to be a honest-to-goodness bank robber. 

Remember the Beagle Boys and Willie Sutton 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 09/15/2014:  18:56:24

who hunted with Will Rogers

Those were he days. when you could

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2014:  04:43:30

cross state lines and pretty much not have to worry about getting caught.

Now, the FBI

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/17/2014:  06:37:10

tracks GPS on your cell phone and positions hot looking ladies along your route to tempt you to stop.

Never underestimate

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2014:  06:53:23

the power of the internet.

Just yesterday

oliver james - Posted - 09/17/2014:  07:31:58

i googled the word 'expert'

and the name -

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2014:  07:46:44

of someone I know came up who I know is a complete buffoon.

It made me doubt

oliver james - Posted - 09/17/2014:  07:51:25

my own buffoonity.

it all goes back to when i

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2014:  10:16:30

first ventured into the field of buffoonery.

The entrance exam was

oliver james - Posted - 09/17/2014:  11:33:43

given at the exit of Buff - Hune hall

That is the 1st place i ever

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2014:  13:04:18

felt like I really fit in.

They made me feel like

Scaggs7 - Posted - 09/17/2014:  15:50:49

jumping off the bridge

it's time for

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2014:  16:51:30

me to stop pretending to be an earthling.

Being an alien is

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/17/2014:  19:39:10

where it's at.

No taxes to pay

jistgreg - Posted - 09/17/2014:  23:40:39

to Tha Man. 

No phone, no pool, no pets 

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/18/2014:  02:21:24

ain't got no cigars to pass out.

Two's company,,three's a

OM45GE - Posted - 09/18/2014:  05:50:18

crowd, but four is a bridge game.

When the chips

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/18/2014:  07:15:05

are down, pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

Strapless boots