chuckv97 - Posted - 03/03/2019:  06:54:15

to quit showing up 6 times a week for vague ailments that bothered my well-being.

She told me hypochondria

DC5 - Posted - 03/03/2019:  09:48:03

was all in my head.


Little did she know, there was

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/04/2019:  04:31:44

nothing in my head.

Then she said

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/04/2019:  10:37:05

“I like a man without an agenda.”

My heart fluttered

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/05/2019:  04:17:23

because I had no plans.

Then she said,

OM45GE - Posted - 03/05/2019:  09:58:31

I'm tired of your lack of plans.

That surprised me because

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/09/2019:  12:27:56

her life was a testament to chaos.



Even at the Tony Robbins seminar, she 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/09/2019 12:28:51

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2019:  07:45:00

was late, had forgotten her study materials and went to the wrong seminar room.

She ended up in

DC5 - Posted - 03/10/2019:  08:20:59

a necrophiliacs anonymous meeting.


This opened up a whole

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/10/2019:  09:33:12

new coffin of worms, if you will.

Members there eyed her up and down as if

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2019:  05:33:28

measuring her for a box.

She had already decided

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2019:  08:42:38

to not fight them this time.

But she did write a memo that said:

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2019:  09:11:27

If I’m dead, please bury me with my boots on.

You see, her phobia

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2019:  11:40:34

was having cold feet.

She was afraid

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/12/2019:  04:04:19

of losing her socks.

But now that she is

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2019:  07:55:09

on the “other side”, the shoe is on the other foot.

Our never-ending quest

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 03/12/2019:  08:34:01

for bad puns should be laid to rest.

Maybe some day, we will

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/13/2019:  04:49:32

see that we are not so smart.

But,some of the BHO would

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 03/13/2019:  05:37:26

have graduated the fourth grade, given enough time.

Unfortunately, they had to

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/13/2019:  06:37:48

often play hooky to spend time at Tiny’s Pool & Billiard Parlour.

They studied geometric angles

OM45GE - Posted - 03/13/2019:  06:41:24

and kinetic energy.

The force applied by the cue stick

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/18/2019:  08:44:36

against an opponents skull equals 5 foot pounds.

Mr. Joule, the physics teacher,

DC5 - Posted - 03/18/2019:  09:49:21

tried to compare this to Newton's, but Americans can't handle the metric system.


To demonstrate he put a melon on an electronic balance and

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/18/2019:  13:38:38

turned on the water hose,

I know that doesn't make since but

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/18/2019:  14:17:46

at this point, I’ll try anything.

My last chemistry experiment

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2019:  07:17:24

ended even worse than usual.

The fire fighters said

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2019:  22:44:27

the fumes got them so high that they were giggling like school children.

Speaking of school, did you

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/22/2019:  03:15:42

ever get out of third grade?

He also got caught smoking in the

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2019:  08:18:20

boys room, the girls room and the teachers lounge.

What really upset the principal

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2019:  08:48:12

was when he found him sitting in his office with his feet up on his desk.

Needless to say, the jig was up

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2019:  10:36:22

or so the principal thought until he saw the surveillance videos.

He quickly realized that

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2019:  11:40:26

his secretary, Miss Flerten, had video’d his aggressive fondling.

He read the writing on the wall

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2019:  11:54:08

and was confused until he realized it was written in Urdu, a language he did not read, write or speak.

He knew this meant only one thing,

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2019:  14:05:37

”I’m gettin’ outta Dodge!”

For days he was hounded by Urdustites

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2019:  03:59:10

demanding that he abandon his embarrassing attempts to speak the language.

He was trying to ask for a beer but was actually

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2019:  04:55:25

for a pollination permit for his honey bees.

His fate was sealed

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2019:  06:12:34

when he fell in the vat of wax.

They planned to use him

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/26/2019:  04:43:54

as a science class project.

But little did they know that

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/26/2019:  05:09:55

he would begin to wax eloquently about the benefits of apple cider vinegar.

He also would admonish

DC5 - Posted - 03/26/2019:  15:06:02

the science teacher for her anatomy demonstrations.


"Some people just don't

OM45GE - Posted - 03/26/2019:  18:57:30

want to be dissected before they have passed away.

Don’t worry she said, we

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/26/2019:  20:04:19

only take the parts that aren’t absolutely necessary for everyday living.

Take my apoendix, for instance,

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2019:  03:09:29

I don’t think I’m using it.

It’s actually strange

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/27/2019:  04:32:10

things happening over there.

You might better go on to the house and

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2019:  04:54:22

pour yourself a glass of Scotch.

Sit back and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/27/2019:  06:59:55

meditate on the benefits of inebriation.

My last drinking binge

dow - Posted - 03/27/2019:  08:46:51

ended with a lamp shade, a chihuahua, and a 59 Edsel.

Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/27/2019:  08:57:17

Ron Bacardi (aka “Rico”, the Ron bros.) were passed around among the late-night revelers.



My mouth had grown hair

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/27/2019 08:58:06

dow - Posted - 03/27/2019:  09:12:24

and that was when we discovered that I'm related to Cousin It.

I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a