chuckv97 - Posted - 12/23/2017:  07:53:16

her addiction to boxes of chocolates and soap operas.

She’d leave the oven on

OM45GE - Posted - 12/23/2017:  08:51:27

for warmth even though it was hotter than the gates of Hades in there.

I think she was trying

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/24/2017:  13:45:39

to let me know we needed an air conditioner, or at the very least a hand-cranked fan.

Her favorite show was “As My Stomach Turns”

OM45GE - Posted - 12/25/2017:  04:08:09

which was a not-very-clever spoof on a once popular soap opera.

In this version, the characters

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/25/2017:  09:38:11

are addicted to Rolaids and Milk of Magnesia.

Dysfunction is the norm

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2017:  04:07:24

in my house.

My family is so dysfunctional, they

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/26/2017:  07:38:16

eat their meals in the TV room.

Then they each go

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/26/2017:  07:54:16

their separate ways to parts unknown.

Reassembling at 2 am

OM45GE - Posted - 12/27/2017:  03:33:13

to howl at the moon and dance naked in the glow of their Harleys’ headlights.

Sometimes they

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/27/2017:  04:22:00

invite Pee-Wee Herman to go with them.

They all meet on the beach and

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/27/2017:  05:49:41

surf til the cows come home, whereupon they muck out stalls til dawn.

Then bonfires are lit

OM45GE - Posted - 12/27/2017:  09:08:58

and suspected witches are brought forth.

Hopefully

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/28/2017:  07:42:39

no one gets burned at the stake.

Salem was a cigarette

OM45GE - Posted - 12/28/2017:  18:41:52

that I never developed a taste for.

Menthol cigarettes always seemed

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/28/2017:  21:42:44

air-filled peppermints which we’re very unsatisfying

However, Salem was mentioned as a link to witches

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/29/2017:  03:08:28

but that didn't bother Mandrake and Narda.

They just kept making magic and soon

OM45GE - Posted - 12/29/2017:  12:05:03

they had made the entire world disappear.



This astounded them and they decided to

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/29/2017 12:05:31

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/29/2017:  13:19:07

start charging admission.

But Narda got greedy and

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/29/2017:  15:24:45

ran off with the profits and the company VW Microbus.

He went surfing in Baja California

OM45GE - Posted - 12/29/2017:  17:46:56

where he remains to this day.

He’s getting by

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/30/2017:  04:19:58

basking with his guitar on the street corner.

But the local law doesn't care to much for

OM45GE - Posted - 12/30/2017:  04:53:28

itinerant musicians and give him a ticket for loitering every time he sees him.

It’s getting expensive, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/30/2017:  05:28:32

Narda has always had a problem with authority figures.

One time he

OM45GE - Posted - 12/30/2017:  18:28:50

told a state trooper to put his gun where the sun doesn’t shine, which he promptly did.

Unfortunately, that turned out to be in Narda’s

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/30/2017:  19:59:01

big mouth, where teeth rattled nervously.

Damn the torpedoes,

OM45GE - Posted - 12/31/2017:  15:57:33

thought Narda, although there were no torpedoes within two thousand miles.

Then he realized

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/01/2018:  07:56:35

there’s a torpedo sandwich shop next door.

Subs and torpedoes are

OM45GE - Posted - 01/01/2018:  09:24:27

called grinders in some parts of New England.

this sometimes confuses

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/01/2018 09:25:18

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/01/2018:  09:28:54

auto body shops, where lunch is a time when grinders are put away.

They exist on bennies, beer, and beef jerky

OM45GE - Posted - 01/01/2018:  09:32:46

and then wonder why they have heartburn.

I’m tired of explaining

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/01/2018:  09:36:09

regional vernacular to migrating fools from the hinterlands.

It used to be a labo(u)r of love

OM45GE - Posted - 01/01/2018:  09:42:11

but now it just feels as though I’m being taken advantage of.

Perhaps I should start

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/01/2018:  11:08:46

a new hobby, like collecting bicycle seats.

You can hang them on your den wall

OM45GE - Posted - 01/02/2018:  02:42:40

and I’m told they make excellent elephant repellent.

We haven’t had an elephant in the area since

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/02/2018:  06:40:06

Barnum & Bailey left town with a trunkful of greenbacks.

Carny barkers have been known

OM45GE - Posted - 01/02/2018:  06:47:15

exaggerate.

However, they

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/02/2018 06:47:43

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/02/2018:  06:52:39

are masters of hyperbole despite failing high school math.



I remember hyperbolic functions

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/02/2018 06:53:20

OM45GE - Posted - 01/02/2018:  06:55:54

which had me hyperventilating.

I was terrified

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/02/2018:  06:58:26

of slopes, tangents and cosines.

My math teacher ruled with

OM45GE - Posted - 01/02/2018:  10:31:46

a protractor which she wielded like a Samurai sword.

I still have the

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/02/2018:  21:28:57

scars to prove it.



Even today, I still can’t .....s-s-s-i-i-nn-e on the dotted

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/02/2018 21:29:23

OM45GE - Posted - 01/03/2018:  15:22:31

bell curve.

My therapist thinks

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/03/2018:  16:01:05

I should face my demons head-on.

He says it’s all in the mind

OM45GE - Posted - 01/04/2018:  04:42:10

but he didn’t say which mind it was in.

I’m of two minds on the subject but I don’t dare

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/04/2018:  05:34:54

trust either of them.

A brain is only as good as

OM45GE - Posted - 01/04/2018:  05:43:54

we let it, but many folks keep theirs too narrow.

That can lead to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/04/2018:  09:55:41

headaches and poor choices at ballot boxes.

Never wear a too-small hat

OM45GE - Posted - 01/04/2018:  19:15:31

lest you look like a vaudeville act.

Your dignity will suffer and

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/04/2018:  20:21:17

you’ll end up being ridiculed in the public square.

“The buck stops here !”, shouted Harry