chuckv97 - Posted - 05/15/2017:  17:44:43

a fish with gazumbas and a seductive smile.

Some judges threw away their gavel and jumped over the bench

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/15/2017:  18:41:57

only to bump their head on railing.

But that's ok because

OM45GE - Posted - 05/16/2017:  03:16:57

the railing is pretty sturdy and a few heads bumping into it shouldn't cause and significant damage. 

We dope slapped the divers and sent them

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/16/2017:  05:31:01

to "La-La" land.

But that only works when

OM45GE - Posted - 05/16/2017:  07:27:21

they're not wearing a diving helmet.

Otherwise, you'll just

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/16/2017:  08:33:31

break digits and kanuckles rendering you unable to play banjo at Grim Jim's dive.

Jim has live music

OM45GE - Posted - 05/16/2017:  11:55:34

that will kill you.

He calls it 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/16/2017:  16:39:58

"killer music".

He also has Jazz but that doesn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/16/2017:  19:10:10

go over with the toothless crowd.

Jim put up chicken wire

OM45GE - Posted - 05/17/2017:  03:10:52

to protect the band from thrown beer bottles and ladies underwear. 

It seems to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/17/2017:  04:19:44

cause problems when a band member needs to go to restroom.

They tried port-a-potties but

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/17/2017:  06:04:14

the rowdy patrons kept shooting holes in'em.

When the band sang "Drink Up and Go Home"

OM45GE - Posted - 05/17/2017:  08:17:16

a full scale riot broke out and the police and National Guard had to be called out.

Jim thought the night would be a bust but the 

MWBailey - Posted - 05/17/2017:  22:25:31

MIB's showed up and neuralized everybody.

When they all fnally came to, they they realized that their underwear

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/18/2017:  01:43:06

had been bugged with a GPS locator 

The next time they will know

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/18/2017:  07:15:02

exactly where to look.

When doing the impossible always keep

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/18/2017:  08:26:30

a handwritten written record of your failures.

"No pain, no gain"

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/18/2017:  13:11:17

is not a good motto for sissy guys.

Put your feet here and

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/18/2017:  17:51:16

and your hands over there

The next time you sit like a

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/18/2017:  20:12:48

hunched-over guitar player you'll have to head for the chiropractor.

He has a house of pain

OM45GE - Posted - 05/19/2017:  03:46:02

that will surely and delight masochists and pain enthusiasts from around the world. 

The sound proofing is

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/19/2017:  04:00:06

not the same as proof reading

My banjo is stuck

OM45GE - Posted - 05/19/2017:  04:19:26

between my wife's car and a large oak tree in the back yard. 

I think perhaps 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/19/2017:  04:34:23

it was perhaps it was planned that way.

I don't want to

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/19/2017:  05:49:23

point fingers,but

If you could just think

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/19/2017:  08:40:17

of the fifty ways to leave your lover, pick one and hit the road.

Be sure to leave her an old fingerpick

OM45GE - Posted - 05/19/2017:  18:38:58

lodged securely where the sun don't shine. 

It will remind her 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/20/2017:  14:41:31

because she knows what to do with it

Anyone ever have a chance to

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/20/2017:  14:54:51

go over Niagara Falls in a barrel?

Nowadays extreme sports enthusiasts

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/20/2017:  16:27:45

are really mild compared to the old days

I once jumped

OM45GE - Posted - 05/20/2017:  17:19:40

off a seven story building into a five gallon pail of water.

Now my friends call me "Shorty" and I can't

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/20/2017:  17:50:00

wear suspenders anymore.

My hip waders

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/21/2017:  05:25:38

didn't keep the water out after the alligator bite

Whales do the same thing when

OM45GE - Posted - 05/21/2017:  06:16:02

they try to avoid ships propellers. 

It's not always easy 

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/21/2017:  07:10:23

shape up or ship out, but the alternative is dumpster diving.

My neighbo(u)r always walks with his head down

OM45GE - Posted - 05/21/2017:  15:43:09

but he is, after all, an ostrich.

How he came to be my neighbo(u)r is

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/21/2017:  17:11:08

is a fluke.

If you don't want flukes for neighbors just call the

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/21/2017:  17:19:54

Fluke Defamation League - they'll soon take the bull by the horns.

Snail mail is making a comeback

OM45GE - Posted - 05/22/2017:  02:45:17

, in fact, it's caused a serious snail shortage. 

There are so few snails, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/22/2017:  03:48:50

that the world class restaurants are getting worried..

They are saying, We just can't operate without those

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/22/2017:  06:38:11

big rigs flowing from Canada.

Back when i was a kid

OM45GE - Posted - 05/22/2017:  07:13:59

electricity hadn't been discovered yet so we used to have to watch TV by candlelight.

The toaster was pretty useless too so we 

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/22/2017:  08:02:30

shined'er up and used it for a hood ornament on our '52 Studebaker.

When you popped the clutch at 3800 rpm

OM45GE - Posted - 05/22/2017:  08:39:06

the transmission promptly fell onto the ground.

That didn't matter because

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/22/2017:  14:39:09

we just harnessed up the mules to the front bumper and headed for Pete the blacksmith.

He was a wiz on the old forge

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/22/2017:  15:40:22

making wheels and stove parts

My mule used to

OM45GE - Posted - 05/22/2017:  18:45:37

belong to Scotty until I snuck over one night an stole it. 

He's still wondering 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 05/22/2017:  19:13:26

if it still has the gold tooth

I remember when Scotty first

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/22/2017:  22:24:18

took his mule to the ferrier for gold fillings.

Scotty had melted down his