chuckv97 - Posted - 03/14/2020:  07:11:26

hay when the sun shines.

I enjoy baling

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2020:  08:11:59

but it aggravates my hay fever.

I start coughing

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/14/2020:  09:30:11

and then others start coughing.

Who can play a delicate solo

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2020:  10:21:34

while they’re hacking up a lung?

I find it difficult 

Edited by - OM45GE on 03/14/2020 10:22:21

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/14/2020:  10:23:50

to practice my haymaker at Tuffy’s Boxing Academy.

By the time I wind up

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/14/2020:  11:28:54

I get 2 stiff jabs followed by an overhand.

There has to be a better way

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/14/2020:  14:13:38

to torment myself.

I guess I could listen to a beginner practicing

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2020:  14:40:25

banjo and accordion duets through Marshall amplifiers.

The very thought is enough

roxygrl - Posted - 03/14/2020:  15:08:26

to encourage my agent to find me a more lucrative stand up act..

Last month my agent...

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/14/2020:  15:49:03

booked me into Grim Jim’s Bar & Grill for 3 nights, including a Saturday matinee.

Good thing I brought chicken wire

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/14/2020:  16:43:58

since the paid me in chickens.

One fell out the back of my pickup on the highway

OM45GE - Posted - 03/15/2020:  10:32:11

and proceeded to cross the street.



That prompted a series of

Edited by - OM45GE on 03/15/2020 10:32:31

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/15/2020:  10:42:33

cars pulling over and crowds asking the chicken his motives.

He took his time

OM45GE - Posted - 03/15/2020:  10:46:23

answering and appears engrossed in the insect life in the breakdown lane.

After a few desultory pecks

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/15/2020:  10:48:14

he turned to the crowd and bluntly told them to flock off.



Uppity chickens

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/15/2020 10:48:43

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/15/2020:  11:53:41

are a new phenomenon.

It could lead to lot fewer eggs because roosters

OM45GE - Posted - 03/16/2020:  02:57:59

prefer their hens a little more agreeable.

On the other hand, hens prefer

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/16/2020:  08:04:40

uppity roosters with brazen behaviours.

Barnyard shenanigans

OM45GE - Posted - 03/16/2020:  11:47:30

are a source of never ending amusement.

I’m frequently amazed

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/16/2020:  13:30:25

by how far free-range chickens range.

That is, until the local coyotes

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/16/2020:  13:34:03

caught wind of the tye-dye T shirt-wearing retro hippies who clamoured for rambling chicken meat.

Perhaps coyote steaks

OM45GE - Posted - 03/16/2020:  15:16:01

will be the next non-GMO fad.

I wonder what

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/16/2020:  15:22:48

urbanites will do to hunt coyotes in the concrete canyons of cities.

Perhaps they’ll

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/16/2020:  15:33:22

drive around in a roach wag,,,,err, I mean taco truck and lure aforementioned coyotes into their mobile kitchen.

After that it’s just a matter

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/16/2020:  19:08:58

of playing Frank Sinatra tunes and listening to them howl.



They draw crowds of crooners

Edited by - Peter Vipulis on 03/16/2020 19:09:30

OM45GE - Posted - 03/17/2020:  02:51:50

all vying for the best coyote imitation.

The resulting cacophony

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/17/2020:  06:30:08

Cured many of Tinnitus on 48th and 6th Ave and the tacos too were going fast.

The mayor showed up

OM45GE - Posted - 03/17/2020:  07:10:33

and had apparently not realized that he had forgotten his trousers.

He thought everyone was

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/17/2020:  08:06:29

completely tone deaf. But when his Tinnitus was cured he danced around, locking elbows.

Some

OM45GE - Posted - 03/17/2020:  09:16:19

of the partiers were nervous about such close personal contact.

They backed

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/17/2020:  12:01:47

off quickly and passed around the hand and elbow sterilizers.



Elbow sterilizer is a new product

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/17/2020 12:02:03

OM45GE - Posted - 03/17/2020:  18:29:57

which promises to end unwanted elbow pregnancies.

I didn't know that unwanted elbow pregnancies were

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/17/2020:  18:55:40

a significant issue.

Elbows, otoh, are inevitably necessary when you plumb a house.

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/17/2020:  19:15:55

*scratch my head how to finish a sentence.

Elbow macaroni

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/17/2020:  19:21:04

cannot be used to plumb a house other than your granddaughter’s dollhouse.

My neighbo(u)r wanted to bump elbows with me this afternoon

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/17/2020:  22:29:54

but he whacked my ulnar nerve.

So I

Edited by - Bill Rogers on 03/17/2020 22:30:50

OM45GE - Posted - 03/18/2020:  03:10:22

that’s not humerus no matter what they call it.

My anatomy professor was

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/18/2020:  05:09:45

a tribe leader from the Amazon rainforest.

I amazed medical professionals

OM45GE - Posted - 03/18/2020:  05:42:05

when I performed a frontal lobotomy on myself.

I would have preferred a bottle in front of me, but

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/18/2020:  07:03:51

I managed to squeeze it back in without going in to shock.

The New England Journal of Medicine

OM45GE - Posted - 03/18/2020:  08:24:56

has yet to publish any of my studies.

I thought they would jump at the opportunity

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/18/2020:  08:28:08

to fawn over my discovery concerning the drooling phenomenon exhibited by banjo players.

Many of the components of drool

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/18/2020:  09:04:12

rust the banjo parts, hence my PhD in metallurgy.

I developed

OM45GE - Posted - 03/18/2020:  12:04:55

an algorithm that could predict what tune a banjo player was going to play next.

Unfortunately, it also

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/18/2020:  12:54:35

predicted the rough treatment by the drunks at Grim Jim’s.

My last gig there

Bill Rogers - Posted - 03/18/2020:  14:31:05

ended when several audience members destroyed the chicken wire in front of the stage.

I grabbed my banjo and barely

OM45GE - Posted - 03/18/2020:  14:48:29

made it out the back door before the police arrived.

Later, I read about it

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/18/2020:  14:51:30

in the “Skidrow Times”.

Unfortunately Jim himself was a victim of

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 03/18/2020:  16:44:33

identity theft and was deported to Kazakhstan. His only defense was he could play the banjo.

No one there knows