chuckv97 - Posted - 01/02/2021:  14:00:55

are alive,,,, which they are - alive with cooties, fleas, & ticks.

My dog often gets ticked off

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/02/2021:  14:15:58

when he is tediously traumatized by being tirelessly tested and tickled by troublesome ticks.



He can’t

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 01/02/2021 14:23:12

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/03/2021:  10:48:04

seem to find them being half blind.

There was a time though

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/03/2021:  15:26:32

when he would hound all the female pooches in the neighborhood.

He had

OM45GE - Posted - 01/04/2021:  03:40:41

marked his territory well and was prepared to defend it vigorously.

Other male dogs were

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/04/2021:  03:46:25

neutered at Buford’s Do-It-Yourself Garage.

Buford make you sign a waiver

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/04/2021:  08:49:38

or leave a paw print, absolving him from all real or imaginary damages.

He once had a customer

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/04/2021:  11:32:04

try to sue him for services not rendered in time.

Turns out that Buford had proof in his

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/04/2021:  11:50:19

logbook that his wife keeps spilling coffee on,,, or, as my long-suffering high school English teacher, Mrs. Lindsay, would sternly correct, “on which his wife keeps spilling coffee.”

Buford often has trouble

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/04/2021:  12:02:19

understanding what the heck is written in his coffee soaked logbook.

For that matter he has trouble understanding

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/04/2021:  16:56:46

what he has already written so far.

Seems he should worry more about

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/04/2021:  17:30:08

trying to understand his wife’s needs.

She is constantly

OM45GE - Posted - 01/05/2021:  03:45:40

griping to anyone who comes within earshot about her unmet needs.

These “needs” seem to include

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/05/2021:  05:38:29

weekly whippings while tied to the bedpost.

She pleaded with him

OM45GE - Posted - 01/05/2021:  07:12:38

but her entreaties fell on deaf ears.

They weren't his ears, but

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/05/2021:  08:18:31

the ears of students who attended the Vincent Van Gogh School of Art for the Deaf.



She liked to model nude

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 01/05/2021 08:20:01

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/05/2021:  13:11:10

for the 80-year-old rapidly-aging janitor and his pet mouse, Tuffy.

Never let it be said

OM45GE - Posted - 01/06/2021:  03:35:03

that mice don’t appreciate fine art.

Tuffy was known to

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/06/2021:  04:11:42

hoard scavenged dog food pellets and gnaw them into pornographic shapes.



Tuffy’s girlfriend Lola

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 01/06/2021 04:14:17

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/06/2021:  08:35:40

demanded equal billing at the annual Mouse-Off Talent Show.

Her gyrations while brandishing a mini boa

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/06/2021:  11:10:11

caused the crowd to go wild.

Did you see where the boa's head was? Right smack in

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2021:  03:32:22

the middle of the mousetrap Buford had set.

He figured the mice would think

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/07/2021:  04:44:55

that someone had left a rubber snake replica trapped in a mouse trap which would then scare the mice into heading for the door.

He underestimated Tuffy the mouse

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2021:  05:29:25

who promptly figured out what was going on.



Unfortunately, his response was to

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/07/2021 05:29:41

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/07/2021:  06:35:01

run and frighten all the elephants at the zoo.

Elephants have long memories

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2021:  06:49:14

but forget everything when they’re running in a panic from tiny rodents.

They only thing

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/07/2021:  13:21:48

to do was to stand back out of their way.

Once the dust cleared

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/07/2021:  15:28:03

I was given orders to scoop the poop.

My night classes at the barber school

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/07/2021:  15:34:19

have escalated me into a hairy situation and I am cloaked shear panic.



I’m not sure

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 01/07/2021 15:35:27

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/08/2021:  03:32:11

if I want to continue this profession.

Don't wait up for

OM45GE - Posted - 01/08/2021:  03:51:22

me or you’ll be waiting a long time, I’ve already gone to bed.

It’s way past

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/08/2021:  06:58:52

New Years Eve and I have to sleep off a days-long celebratory jag.



When I awake

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 01/08/2021 07:03:08

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/08/2021:  09:14:33

I’ll feel like a new man.

Which is good cuz I’m a wanted man

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/08/2021 09:15:22

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/08/2021:  13:38:00

by several husbands in the tri-state area.

Seems I have

OM45GE - Posted - 01/09/2021:  03:44:54

been seducing their wives, but I swear it wasn’t intentional.

I really meant to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/09/2021:  05:59:51

alleviate their pain through hypnosis.

I’ll catch the 9:20

OM45GE - Posted - 01/09/2021:  07:11:12

ship of fools to Tahiti.

I only hope they

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/09/2021:  08:03:45

will arrive in time for me to escape.

If I'm lucky enough

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/09/2021:  10:43:29

maybe there will be some single chicks on the ship.

If not

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/10/2021:  08:27:53

I’ll abstain in penance.

Tahiti might have jam sessions

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/10/2021:  12:14:47

so I’ll be sure to pack along my banjo.

I’ve heard

OM45GE - Posted - 01/11/2021:  03:16:38

the islanders worship banjo players.

That would be the first

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/11/2021:  04:52:37

the first time I’ve come across anyone who is enthusiastic about hearing banjo music.

Maybe they

OM45GE - Posted - 01/11/2021:  04:59:30

have some sort of weird masochistic thing going on.

Either that, or they

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/11/2021:  05:29:38

are all stone deaf but like the inlay on fingerboards and pegheads.



The food they serve

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 01/11/2021 05:30:23

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/11/2021:  07:49:50

is not from Mickey D’s.

“Fast” in Tahiti

KyBanjo - Posted - 01/11/2021:  12:50:52

otherwise known as the only way to go/

It leaves others in

Edited by - KyBanjo on 01/11/2021 12:52:12

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 01/11/2021:  13:53:53

the coconut fronds comparatively speaking.

Speaking of coconuts

OM45GE - Posted - 01/12/2021:  02:55:57

have you seen the impressive carvings on the shells my wife owns?

She uses them