chuckv97 - Posted - 02/21/2020:  16:16:58

as a pity-party guy, especially down at The Mothers of Conceptual Help Mission.

Those naive gals

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/21/2020:  20:00:29

thought i was a mute.

But, since I could never fit in a trumpet,

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  01:48:59

Swan which do not make good pets or actors by the way.

I decided to take up acrobatic accordion playing

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2020:  03:31:26

which a little known but challenging sport.

It is quite popular in

roxygrl - Posted - 02/22/2020:  03:49:00

deep water no difficulty at all with my snorkle, all small fishes an' freindly whales hoot an' blow bubbles in unison...
I became alarmed...

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2020:  04:07:24

when the bellows on my accordion started to dissolve in the water.

I probably should have

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  04:25:48

Waited for someone else’s reply.

Therefore I can no longer play Ride of the Valkyrie while doing handstands and backward flips

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2020:  05:32:37

because my contract with Seaworld ends today.

My tenure with Lawrence Welk

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2020:  07:33:16

was short lived.

The Lennon Sisters didn’t like

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/22/2020:  10:29:26

having to sing Stanley Brothers harmony.

So I took off to

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  10:56:42

find my true call training snails.

Although not easily done snails are emotional lacking

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:00:46

a sense of humor.

They won't even laugh when

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:09:48

 tickled.



Trying to train one to sit

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/22/2020 11:10:43

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:13:52

still is easy, but when hurrying to the bathroom - well, that’s another story.

Perhaps those new

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:18:35

adult diapers might do the trick.

Anyway snails are notoriously

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:23:54

fearful of butter and garlic.

I've never seen a snail move so fast as when

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:26:01

crossing the track at Dayton.



Speed comes in handy when

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/22/2020 11:26:42

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:46:26

someone’s on your tail with a salt shaker.

Snails in your garden mean

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2020:  11:50:11

that snail predators have been obliterated by glowball warming.

The last snail predator I saw

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 02/22/2020:  12:11:42

was run out of town by a mob of vicious vegans.

Luckily, he found a French cafe that

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  12:53:20

Served snails.



Snails make lousy tippers they have no pockets to

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/22/2020 12:54:00

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2020:  13:35:26

carry spare change, but their slime is a tip-off that they’ve been there.

My snail-mail box

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  14:12:35

is full of spam.

Can meat cannot be

OM45GE - Posted - 02/22/2020:  18:10:27

compared to fresh meat.

On the other hand, it will

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2020:  18:16:12

keep for months what with all the nitrites and salts in it.

My twinkies are 8 months old

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  19:15:14

which is very young for twinkies even though the best by date my be years away.



What if the best by date expires 

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/22/2020 19:17:27

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/22/2020:  19:45:43

before you can take her out.

My Best Buy date was selling audio accessories when I asked her out, and

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  19:48:32

she offered me a discount on future purchases.

Did I just get

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/22/2020:  19:52:32

discounts from her? - no.

Her hard drive

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/22/2020:  19:59:38

was not solid state and crashed often.

After a through inspection of her motherboard

roxygrl - Posted - 02/23/2020:  03:08:12

saw only dust,.

Although more probing of the motherboard found..

Edited by - roxygrl on 02/23/2020 03:09:23

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2020:  05:03:08

it was, in fact, a father board.

I was so startled that I dropped

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2020:  09:09:52

everything and ran for the hills.

It was there I found myself

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2020:  12:37:24

which was surprising as I didn’t know I was missing.

im going to have to give myself a good 

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/23/2020 12:38:26

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2020:  13:00:47

thrashing for departing from my shadow.

I’m not quite feeling myself today

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/23/2020:  13:12:54

because now I’m unsure what or who myself is.

I think I’ll head over to the House of Mirrors to see

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/23/2020:  13:29:58

and reflect on my past feudal attempt in learning acrobatic accordion.

It all comes back to

OM45GE - Posted - 02/23/2020:  14:53:59

the damn accordion doesn’t it?

For some reason they always

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/23/2020:  17:18:25

seem to drill deep into your subconscious and it’s all you can think about and you find yourself pushing to obtain perfection.



But the obsession proved

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/23/2020 17:27:08

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2020:  17:28:21

fruitless, as an obsession with an instrument does not necessarily lead to an obsession with practicing.

So it’s better to take up bicycle-seat-collecting

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/23/2020:  17:32:05

but the thing holding me back from diving headlong into this new and upcoming fad was the potential of,decreasing my chances of siring a heir to my vast collection of jumpsuits.

Upon careful consideration

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/23/2020:  19:01:16

I handed them out at the bunjee jumping bridge.

On the way down, I realized my cord wasn't elastic, and someone had tied a bit round my neck

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/23/2020:  20:23:19

so I quickly cut the cord with my Junior Woodchuck Do-All knife.

Below me lurked shallow rapids, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/23/2020:  20:28:40

I quickly pulled the ripcord on my Senior Woodchuck Combination Tent/Car-Tarp/Parachute.

As I floated down to the water

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/23/2020:  21:08:56

I saw several KGB agents screaming at each other on the riverbank.

I heard James Bond music

OM45GE - Posted - 02/24/2020:  03:08:53

and started looking around for a Bond girl.

I was hoping to see

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/24/2020:  03:57:03

p**** Galore but she apparently was in cognito.

Bond’s metaphorical kryptonite

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/24/2020:  08:57:59

M was standing  on the bank with arms crossed and a condescending look of contempt tapping her right toe yelling “you never learn do you James”.



Apparently

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/24/2020 08:59:22

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/24/2020:  11:09:13

MI-6 had been tracking me out of an over abundance of caution.

As I started to wade ashore, I slipped on