J e f f - Posted - 07/21/2016:  15:59:55

want; I'm gonna paint the town red tonight.

My car is gassed up and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/21/2016:  16:55:02

I covered the holes in the floorboards with cardboard and tar.

Just wait 'til

OM45GE - Posted - 07/22/2016:  03:37:19

they look at my handiwork when I get to the inspection station. 

They usually

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/22/2016:  17:15:09

sabotage my vehicles by twisting off the brake lines or slashing my tires.

Why I keep

OM45GE - Posted - 07/22/2016:  17:16:52

a pocket full of bus tokens. 

That way I don't 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/22/2016:  17:23:37

have to ask my cheap boss for a payday advance.

The last truck he assigned to me

OM45GE - Posted - 07/22/2016:  17:28:37

had hamsters on wheels for power and a log on a chain for brakes. 

I don't know how he expects

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/22/2016:  17:45:09

me to make any money if I keep having to drive miles off route to avoid scale houses.

I'd quit if I didn't

OM45GE - Posted - 07/22/2016:  20:10:13

have a rather sordid love affair going on with his beautiful daughter. 

If I quit it would be the end of

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/22/2016:  20:38:26

free sex , and I sure got tired of paying for it in the past.

Maybe I should take

OM45GE - Posted - 07/23/2016:  13:20:22

up another hobby before womanizing gets me killed 

Perhaps it would be fun to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/23/2016:  20:22:28

play the banjo at the weekly opera rehearsal to broaden their musical horizons.

Fat ladies who sing

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/24/2016:  03:18:16

those high notes were once men who wore tight underwear.

Now all the singing fat ladies go

OM45GE - Posted - 07/24/2016:  13:01:13

personal trainers and have become quite slender, rendering the phrase, " It ain't over until the fat lady sings" anachronistic. 

Maybe we should just say

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/24/2016:  14:44:50

it ain't over till it's over.

Fat ladies have more fun because

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/24/2016:  20:21:05

they provide shade for their men, and they are always jolly and grateful.

But don't ever call them

OM45GE - Posted - 07/25/2016:  02:34:58

late for supper. 

That's a sure way to

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/25/2016:  03:49:27

get a divorce.

But if she's only a girlfriend then

OM45GE - Posted - 07/25/2016:  06:43:34

the relationship may end in a torrent of tears but you won't have to worry about divorce proceedings.

Some of my girlfriends like to

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/25/2016:  11:22:37

pull that stuff on me.

But I just tell them

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/25/2016:  11:57:42

there's more fish in the sea, like Charlie the Tuna.

The lingering odo(u)r of fish

OM45GE - Posted - 07/25/2016:  14:31:04

lasts far longer than the bitter taste of mascara tears.

Like I always say,

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/25/2016:  20:11:12

take your lumps with your gravy, and keep on truckin'.

Last night I found myself talking to the moon

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2016:  02:32:27

the moon answered and said,"Scotty, you've become a moon gazer".

So I got some sun glasses and

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2016:  03:39:45

resolve to only go out in the daytime. 

That limits my

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2016:  06:02:49

nocturnal habits of skulking around back alleys and howling at the moon.

A friend in need is a

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2016:  06:07:52

person not to trust too far.

Don't do as I say

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2016:  13:46:59

or as I do because I'm a pretty poor example to follow.

It's not that I'm bad, but I

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2016:  15:03:08

often end up on the wrong side of the tracks.

Catching a northbound train

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2016:  02:16:16

and saying good-bye to Dixieland.

Southern Ohio is looking pretty good so

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2016:  02:54:35

I may just put down roots and settle in for a stay. 

I hope the locals don't find out about

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2016:  05:50:44

the Florida female "cracker"I brought with me.

It will be hard to keep her hidden but

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2016:  06:33:49

it's worth trying.

Never try, never

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2016:  07:51:02

underestimate the power of "doing".

It's a positive thing to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2016:  08:13:38

hook up your booster cables on a cold day to help Florida crackers visiting the nawth.

They might even

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2016:  03:10:29

send you a post card.

It's 28 miles from my place in Southern Ohio to the Post Office so we

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2016:  15:19:54

often call for the pony express.

Those riders don't lolligag

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2016:  15:46:07

around when the post master general is there.

But at other times they

J e f f - Posted - 07/28/2016:  16:40:53

like to have square dances with the locals.

The best square dancer is a dude named

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2016:  02:02:12

Orville Stepandfetchit.

He is good but the women folk like

OM45GE - Posted - 07/29/2016:  02:52:03

his brother better. 

His brother has a big

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2016:  06:07:22

ol' Cadillac with wire wheels and rhinestones on the spokes.

He's the king of

OM45GE - Posted - 07/29/2016:  07:41:29

ostentatious glitz.

Why he

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2016:  15:51:41

even plays music down at the parking lot.

And he's not going to Omaha because

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2016:  16:10:10

Kansa City is where he's a star ,often mentioned in the KC Star newspaper.

Barbers who tell jokes

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2016:  16:58:54

usually laugh at themselves.

But I gotta tell ya,,those Kansas City barbers are

OM45GE - Posted - 07/29/2016:  19:35:33

pretty careless with the straight razor. 

I went in for a haircut and a shave and ended up with a tonsillectomy and a 

Edited by - OM45GE on 07/29/2016 19:36:35

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2016:  22:49:19

circumcision that my wife found rather upsetting.

Barber school sure isn't

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/30/2016:  02:30:38

for the faint hearted..

I heard they have quick draw holsters for their razors and can