OM45GE - Posted - 10/26/2018:  03:39:12

at the local electroconvulsive therapy and sex toy center.

Their slogan is,

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/26/2018:  04:03:52

that should perk me up a bit.

Never forget to finish your sentence because

OM45GE - Posted - 10/26/2018:  04:26:12

no one likes to be left wondering what you intended to say.

I always try to

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/26/2018:  10:39:00

get in people’s faces with my intentions.

However, halitosis has

OM45GE - Posted - 10/26/2018:  12:17:02

driven everyone I know away - far, far away.

They're trying to avoid

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/27/2018:  04:05:44

getting a bacteria infection.

Can;t blame them for

OM45GE - Posted - 10/27/2018:  04:42:10

that, but it sure has interfered with my love life.

In fact, I cannot remember

Ga-PorchPicker - Posted - 10/27/2018:  06:23:15

the last time I went on a date.

Maybe you should try

OM45GE - Posted - 10/27/2018:  06:32:06

brushing your teeth and taking off the Freddy Krueger costume.

You might also want to consider

Ga-PorchPicker - Posted - 10/27/2018:  07:33:20

a shave and haircut, two bits.

Be sure to

OM45GE - Posted - 10/27/2018:  08:38:24

let your parole officer know what you’re planning to do.

They may have some advice regarding

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/27/2018:  09:18:00

picking up scarlet women at Grim Jim’s Bar & Grill.

My last date had a tic

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/27/2018:  14:00:09

in an unmentionable place.

That was the funniest thing I

Ga-PorchPicker - Posted - 10/27/2018:  15:04:37

barely managed to ignore all night.

Next time

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/27/2018:  16:31:55

I’ll be wearing blinders.

My love life has spiraled down

OM45GE - Posted - 10/27/2018:  18:05:31

ever since the incident.

Under the terms of the settlement, I’m not able to

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/28/2018:  04:11:42

sew my oats.

Now that's not nesessarily what

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/28/2018:  09:49:18

my life’s goal is, ever since Pop told me about the perils of dangerous liaisons.



I never will marry

Edited by - chuckv97 on 10/28/2018 09:49:51

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  03:27:14

someone I’ve known less than 24 hours.

The last time I did,

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/29/2018:  06:37:07

we both had to wire home for money.

That shouldn't have to enter into

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  08:29:56

the equation, but it does.

Her parents

DC5 - Posted - 10/29/2018:  08:35:05

were outraged because she was still married.


That required an immediate

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  09:57:42

attempt at humor when I said being her second husband was big of me.

Nobody else laughed so

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/29/2018:  10:01:41

I beat a hasty retreat to the freightyards to catch the 7:11 to Reno.

A cozy, yet drafty boxcar

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  10:21:34

was my home for the next six days, at which time I realized the train was headed to Boston.

I got off at the

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/29/2018:  10:32:38

Harrison St. Whole Foods Market to replenish my dwindling supply of kefir.

My gut bacteria

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  10:36:40

was seriously depleted from the massive quantities of Scotch I had been drinking.

However, I didn’t care

DC5 - Posted - 10/29/2018:  12:57:24

thanks to the massive quantities of Scotch i had been drinking.


When I came to I found

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  16:17:38

that my head felt as though a piano fell on it.

My breath was worse than

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/29/2018:  17:34:28

a Sasquatch after Winter Solstice celebrations.

I reached for some hair-of-the-dog

OM45GE - Posted - 10/29/2018:  18:52:05

and the dog bit me.

After all I did

banjoscotty - Posted - 10/29/2018:  23:15:27

and he still doesn't trust me.

I've been thinking about

OM45GE - Posted - 10/30/2018:  03:07:13

selling him for medical experimentation but my kids don’t like the idea.

The would rather I

DC5 - Posted - 10/30/2018:  05:55:05

donate myself for medical experimentation.


Shows the gratitude I get for

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/30/2018:  09:47:58

makin’ whoopee and listening to their mother whine 9 months for pickles and ice cream.

The next time I decide to

DC5 - Posted - 10/30/2018:  10:46:22

procreate it will take mass quantities of Scotch.


I was never any good at

OM45GE - Posted - 10/31/2018:  03:34:02

monogamy.



I prefer the thrill

Edited by - OM45GE on 10/31/2018 03:34:25

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/31/2018:  10:42:32

of being chased on the interstate by a crazed jealous husband.



Life is too short to just sit around

Edited by - chuckv97 on 10/31/2018 10:42:46

OM45GE - Posted - 10/31/2018:  17:54:59

dreaming of near death experiences, you have to get out there and risk it all.

That’s why I like to

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/01/2018:  10:03:40

go to the zoo and tease the Bengal tigers.



Wrestling snakes in my basement is great sport

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/01/2018 10:03:57

OM45GE - Posted - 11/01/2018:  12:04:44

and I've recently taken up Ferret-Legging.

That has given me many

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/02/2018:  16:02:43

“The sport is said to involve very little "native skill",[7] simply an ability to "have your tool bitten and not care".” - Wikipedia on Ferret-legging

opportunities to impress the ladies in attendance.

One old gal took me home

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2018:  04:52:30

and told me she would kiss my wounds to make them feel better.

That made me

(I’ve seen videos. Very strange “sport” indeed.)

DC5 - Posted - 11/03/2018:  08:09:18

think I just might try it again.


I thought things were going great until

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/03/2018:  08:38:02

my sawbones showed up with three big galoots in white coats.

They put me in a full nelson

DC5 - Posted - 11/03/2018:  10:56:15

and threw me into a padded room.



I was allowed one

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2018:  11:30:32

phone call but there was no one I wanted to talk with.

I called a phone sex line and

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/03/2018:  11:33:41

they asked for my name and credit card number.

I said,”Don’t you know who I am?”

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2018:  17:54:26

and they said, “Yes, you’re the guy on the phone.”

It would have been funny if