OM45GE - Posted - 10/14/2019:  15:48:54

teacher told me I was wasting my time.

No amount of studying 

Edited by - OM45GE on 10/14/2019 15:49:28

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/14/2019:  18:33:35

prepared me for my drug/alkeehawl urine test.

The lab lady told me

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 10/14/2019:  19:01:54

Read this eye chart while standing on your head.



Figuring this would be

Edited by - yeoldbanjoguy on 10/14/2019 19:02:15

OM45GE - Posted - 10/15/2019:  02:54:36

a piece of cake, I quickly did a headstand and prepared to take the exam.

Then I realized

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/15/2019:  03:52:30

the eye chart was blurry due to blood rushing to my eye sockets.

She just said,”Read’em and weep, mister”

OM45GE - Posted - 10/15/2019:  03:57:37

and then proceeded to tickle my feet with her stethoscope.

To make matters worse,

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 10/15/2019:  07:34:11

I was wearing my work boots.

Upon knowing I was about to

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/15/2019:  07:37:40

vomit she stuffed my mouth full of cotton batten.

I’ll be reporting her

OM45GE - Posted - 10/15/2019:  11:46:44

to the state medical board if I can only figure out how to contact them and get out the these restraints she has used to fasten my wrists and ankles to the exam table.

I was hoping that she

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 10/15/2019:  17:03:27

Would run outta cotton soon.

The cottonmouth I was experiencing could have

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/15/2019:  17:38:57

sent a Mississippi boll weevil down the river.

My halitosis

Bill Rogers - Posted - 10/15/2019:  21:26:51

Was better than no breath at all.
.
But then she

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  03:39:00

seemed to have a change of heart.

First she took the cotton

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/16/2019:  06:39:57

Out of my mouth

But then she

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/16/2019:  06:46:38

put me in a full nelson and told me to cry “uncle”.

With no further ado

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  09:32:53

I asked which uncle she wanted me to cry to.

For some reason, this seemed to

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/16/2019:  09:55:26

Make her laugh

And she laughed

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/16/2019:  10:11:22

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dragonslayer

Make her laugh



And she laughed

---

at people who consistently use conjunctions to begin sentences.

She had tried repeatedly to drop hints about their grammar, but

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  10:27:34

it didn’t sink in.

Perhaps

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/16/2019:  11:27:20

a good thrashing behind the wood shed or outhouse will knock some grammatical sense into today’s young’uns.

Of course, Jed always claimed he’d have a llooonnnggg talk

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/16/2019:  11:32:28

But he never did

Because the person in question

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/16/2019:  11:49:17

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dragonslayer

But he never did



Because the person in question

---

(I give up)

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/16/2019:  11:57:09

wasn’t home-schooled with a 1955 Grammar Text, if I may tread on thin ice here for a second.

My advice would be

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/16/2019:  12:12:12

To accept the miserable reality that is your life

When at first

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/16/2019:  12:15:28

quote:

---

Originally posted by OldBlindGuy

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dragonslayer

But he never did



Because the person in question

---

(I give up)

 

---

Sorry, I'm actually breaking the rules I think. I'm not starting a new sentence each time, which is why they begin with a conjunction. I do understand the grammatical heresy that I seem to be committing, but I'm actually not. 

Back to your regularly scheduled broadcast... :)

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  12:36:34

you don't succeed, try try again, sounds like an exercise in futility to me.

My motto is,

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/16/2019:  12:43:03

"futility is the spice of life".

Personally, I prefer garlic and oregano in my

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  13:57:00

coffee.

The baristas at Starbucks think I'm

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/16/2019:  14:02:16

the new King of Sheba.

It might be because my magic carpet

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/16/2019:  14:43:48

cleaning solution that I peddle door-to-door.

I'm currently offering franchise opportunities if anyone wants to

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  15:12:50

send me an enormous sum of money.

I will promptly

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/16/2019:  15:26:20

give them my list of patsys,,,er, I mean prospective customers in the east end of Montreal.

Please, however, learn French before

OM45GE - Posted - 10/16/2019:  18:57:12

trying to sue me as my attorney is not bilingual.

He only speaks

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/17/2019:  02:00:10

When spoken to

I think it's because

OM45GE - Posted - 10/17/2019:  03:27:56

he has been rebuked by several judges for speaking out of turn.



One judge even threatened

Edited by - OM45GE on 10/17/2019 03:28:15

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/17/2019:  04:35:20

to lock him up for contempt of court.



The judge was dissuaded from doing so when

Edited by - OldBlindGuy on 10/17/2019 04:36:27

OM45GE - Posted - 10/17/2019:  04:43:25

he was reminded of the generous donations my lawyer had made to the judge’s favorite charity.

There were several

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/17/2019:  04:56:02

winos keeping warm in the courtroom.

One dropped his

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/17/2019:  05:05:16

drawers and yelled, "Contempt this, judge."

He was given a warm place to sleep for 90 days and a fine

OM45GE - Posted - 10/17/2019:  07:32:27

set of orange clothing that complemented his complexion quite nicely.

All he needed now was

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/17/2019:  08:05:38

A harmonica to keep him company

I've never been

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/17/2019:  09:27:40

a jailbird but I hope to have that opportunity before I die.

My bucket list

OM45GE - Posted - 10/17/2019:  10:30:41

includes several other unusual items.

First and foremost, I

Dragonslayer - Posted - 10/18/2019:  00:38:01

Desire to be a double amputee

Don't ask why, but

Bill Rogers - Posted - 10/18/2019:  02:07:21

we all have our quirks.

Meanwhile, the giant rat of Sumatra

OM45GE - Posted - 10/18/2019:  03:32:26

has consolidated its control over the prewar banjo supply.

Prices are sure to

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 10/18/2019:  04:23:03

be negotiable during his big pre-Christmas sale.

Trade-ins are always welcome and he will offer

OM45GE - Posted - 10/18/2019:  04:44:48

a selection of used plastic thumb picks with every order.

Shipping is

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/18/2019:  07:58:08

by camel caravan so don’t hold your breath waiting.

Midnight at the oasis