OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2020:  17:59:10

started to talk about the Green Mountains.

I quickly lost interest and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/12/2020:  18:03:19

blasted a few skeets.

I’ll be taking them home to fry

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/12/2020:  19:02:47

because I want to drive out my inlaws who haven't been paying rent.

Now I slurp my coffee with extended pinky, making plans

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/12/2020:  22:12:47

for how to use the soon-to-be-vacated spare bedroom.

Maybe I’ll turn it into

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/12/2020:  22:39:38

a store room for my spare tires.

Rocky’s Rekking Yard sells used ones for $10

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2020:  02:56:21

which is quite inexpensive, but you definitely get what you pay for.

My previous set lasted

Craigbaird1975 - Posted - 02/13/2020:  07:19:43

427.32545 miles.

They blew out right before I got to the

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2020:  07:33:36

interstate on ramp. 

I had just started to turn when

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/13/2020 07:34:07

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2020:  07:42:14

I realized my wheel rims were shooting sparks.

Good thing I had a trunk full

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/13/2020:  12:30:27

flares and a For Sale sign. Sold in an under an hour.

Now I save money taking Uber, but some drivers

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/13/2020:  12:46:34

want to channe Mario Andretti.

Sometimes I think they named the outfit Uber because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2020:  13:11:39

they think they’re on the German Autobahn.

I pay them in Bitcoin

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/13/2020:  14:24:38

although some will accept PayPal if its not raining.

Speaking of rain, we are at flood stage now here in the south as it

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2020:  16:54:05

hasn’t been dry in a couple of months.

The ground is saturated

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/13/2020:  16:54:05

killed all the rats in my basement.

I saw them float away with my

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2020:  16:57:57

rat torture kit.

My experiments with spiders

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2020:  17:05:43

are stats show some results.

I hope Nature Magazine will

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/13/2020:  17:50:27

will expand its horizons and show the reality of modern day science.

I hooked up a cow to a

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/13/2020:  18:16:59

treadmill and now producing our electricity.

The sheep were not impressed by

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/13/2020:  18:46:56

that, thinking it would be more efficient to capture the bovine methane for use.

So the effect on climate would be

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2020:  21:48:25

a decrease in average glowball temperature by a whopping 00.000131%.

I’m getting used to warmer winters

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2020:  03:14:43

but it still startles me to see someone sunbathing in Alberta in February.

It’s more than I

roxygrl - Posted - 02/14/2020:  14:37:03

..can imagine as a fun thing.
mind you just along the beach..

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2020:  16:19:02

there is a hazardous waste dump that has been burning for years.

That may be the source of

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/14/2020:  16:21:17

my annoying eyelid tic.

Girls harumph when they’re around me

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2020:  02:49:12

which is often followed by projectile vomiting.

I try not to take offense but

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/15/2020:  09:41:31

dodging those projectiles is tiring.

Now I carry Pepto-Bismol to hand out because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2020:  09:44:05

I’ve realized my appearance and general demeano(u)r can be upsetting.

My plastic surgeon

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 02/15/2020:  10:05:19

keeps saying, "Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor".

I don't know why he calls me Jim, but

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2020:  10:15:56

I don’t call him doctor either.

That’s because he’s not

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2020:  10:18:02

made of true blue plastic.

He wants to alter

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/15/2020:  12:09:15

my forehead so I look like a Klingon.



I began looking at his wall certifications

Edited by - Peter Vipulis on 02/15/2020 12:09:30

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2020:  15:53:40

and realized they were all drawn in crayon and magic marker.

Not only that, but they

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2020:  15:57:58

employee of the month awards from the Dynamo Plastics factory.

His days might be numbered

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2020:  16:01:45

in Roman Numerals.

He thinks they make him seem

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/15/2020:  16:24:42

impossible to be fired. And he's right, he's self-employed.

His dog began to growl at me

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2020:  19:45:03

when I took out my banjo.

I luckily had some GainesBurgers

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/15/2020:  22:55:20

which I threw as far as I could.

Old Phydeaux took out after them, but

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2020:  03:28:59

forgot what he was chasing when he saw the neighbor’s cat basking in the sun.

This was too much

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/16/2020:  07:36:13

and they deleted the clip from YouTube, oh the horror.

The neighbors filed a lawsuit

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/16/2020:  08:45:46

but their lawyer was in cahoots with the local “BowWow Society”.

Never hire a lawyer with a pocketful of doggiepoo bags

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/16/2020:  10:02:35

because he’s always scooping what he can get.

The conflict of interest means that the state bar has now

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2020:  15:37:46

set the legal bar exceedingly low.

It’s so low that

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/16/2020:  15:42:21

even expert limbo dancers can’t get under it.

A lawyer and your money are soon

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/16/2020:  16:20:03

waiting for the judge's verdict.

Verdicts can be scary when

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/16/2020:  19:27:45

they seem to come out of thin air.

Some people before the court wan a jury, while others

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2020:  03:14:57

are just hoping for no kangaroos.

They may be courting disaster because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2020:  03:37:06

hungover bailiffs have been known to clear a courtroom just by their flatulatory prowess.

Judge Harry Hangum collapsed

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2020:  04:00:14

in a quivering heap after learning that the ethics committee was investigating him.

He knew they would