Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 10/31/2020:  18:37:08

of plagiarism, living down by Cripple Creek.

One day soon

chuckv97 - Posted - 10/31/2020:  18:59:39

he’ll buy a foreign (!) banjo from the Czech Republic.

UPS will not deliver it

xmark - Posted - 10/31/2020:  20:30:02

to his home since there aren't any roads close enough, and UPS doesn't have delivery ponies.

He has to ride into town and pick it up at

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/01/2020:  04:36:06

Oleson’s Mercantile in Walnut Grove.

Maybe little Nellie Oleson

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/01/2020:  06:41:05

demolish it when she sees the sender’s address.

Everyone will plead innocent

KyBanjo - Posted - 11/01/2020:  13:24:24

and Nellie will get away with it as usual.

Seems that Mr. Edwards always

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/01/2020:  13:49:20

has had the hots for Harriet Oleson.

Seems he likes her huge

OM45GE - Posted - 11/01/2020:  14:08:40

bank account so much that he’s willing to overlook their utter incompatibility.

They are so different they don’t even

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/01/2020:  17:32:39

blend well at a Sadie Hawkins dance.

Mrs. Oleson used to dress in vintage men’s suits

OM45GE - Posted - 11/02/2020:  03:40:54

but they still wouldn’t let her join the Masons.

She tried to sneak in several times but

KyBanjo - Posted - 11/02/2020:  07:01:13

she was always blackballed and this time sent away for good.

She was a very cantankerous ole biddy that

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/02/2020:  07:09:20

drank sour mash every evening.

She’ll stick her nose

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/02/2020:  08:22:25

into her neighbor, Ward Cleaver's, business at will. 



Seems her daughter Nellie liked The Beaver more than she 

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 11/02/2020 08:23:27

xmark - Posted - 11/02/2020:  09:45:02

approved, as this would tend to make things a bit more complicated.

Nellie was not known for her obedience though

KyBanjo - Posted - 11/02/2020:  14:59:21

as she was 20 odd years younger than Theodore.

It was thought that

OM45GE - Posted - 11/02/2020:  15:31:56

he would be more mature than she.

However, that was clearly not the case as he

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/02/2020:  15:56:02

asked her to play “doctor”.

A sawbones is only as good as his

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2020:  03:35:00

last case.

Unless, of course, that patient

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/03/2020:  07:32:31

makes a good-looking corpse.

My sawbones performs digital prostate examinations

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/03/2020:  08:13:17

using a new method he developed where I am bent forward over the exam table.

He claims if he has his hands on my hips

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2020:  09:25:03

it will help me keep steady.

Unfortunately, having his hands on my hips means

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/03/2020:  09:53:50

some other projection is entering my rectal orifice.

He told me my prostate was in good shape

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/03/2020:  12:32:45

after about a 15 minute exam during which his hands never left my hips.



He recommended I have these exams

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 11/03/2020 12:34:19

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2020:  03:02:03

twice a week and said to have his nurse set them up on my way out.

He must have noticed that I

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/04/2020:  05:04:23

drove a Buick because he complemented me on the color of the car.

He then asked me

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/04/2020:  05:50:57

not to sue him for malpractice.

I drove my Buick

KyBanjo - Posted - 11/04/2020:  07:22:40

straight to my attorneys office.

He advised me to

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/04/2020:  14:06:47

supply him with my doctors contact information. 

 

He seemed interested

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 11/04/2020 14:08:17

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/04/2020:  14:10:21

in having prostate exams too.

I told him that they’re no picnic

KyBanjo - Posted - 11/04/2020:  15:00:33

but after a few times ya get use to it.

I think i chose the wrong attorney as

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/04/2020:  15:06:26

he doesn’t even drive a Buick.

Anyway, yesterday my grandfather bought some rubbers at the drug store

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2020:  16:53:56

which was surprising because he’s been celibate forever for over 30 years.

Apparently he decided that he

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/04/2020:  16:55:46

would combine viagara with growth hormone pills.

He’s been hanging around Lover’s Lane

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2020:  16:59:15

which is now completely deserted other than him.

Even worse, he started

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/05/2020:  07:27:40

watching porn movies on the big screen TV in the lobby of the retirement home where he lives.

The old babes that live there

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2020:  07:52:49

watched secretly from around the door jamb edge.

However, Nurse Goodbody pulled the plug

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/05/2020:  11:01:27

on Gandpappy’s heart stimulation device by mistake.

She thought it was the chord to the TV

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2020:  04:26:17

and didn’t realize her error until his skin tone matched the blue carpet.

They were able to

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/06/2020:  06:24:24

restore the heart stimulation device to its previous operating efficiency.

Grandpappy

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/06/2020:  08:17:39

passed away last week after 4+ hours of “erectile function”.

Nurse Goodbody’s attempts

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/06/2020:  10:14:07

to revive Grandpappy included mouth to mouth, as well as mouth to appendage, resuscitation administered by herself and her assistant BJ.

After four hours had passed

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2020:  11:08:05

everyone but Grandpappy agreed that a good time had been had by all.

They’re going to post

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/06/2020:  12:34:20

the YouTube videos on Larry King ‘Live’.



He and Geraldo

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/06/2020 12:34:39

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/06/2020:  12:50:38

will attempt to reenact the scene with LK playing the part of Granpappy and Geraldo mimicking assistant nurse B J.

Slow motion scenes will be available

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2020:  17:42:03

with a clever sound track featuring beginner banjo players.

They’re hoping

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/07/2020:  01:36:13

for a chance to go on a picnic together next weekend.

The weather report

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2020:  03:09:50

calls for sunny skies and unseasonably warm temperatures.

That will mean they can

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/07/2020:  06:45:00

Play banjo duets under the big tree.

They will wear matching

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2020:  08:55:05

tutus and pink scarves.



John Stossel will

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/07/2020 08:55:41