OM45GE - Posted - 05/27/2015:  03:51:37

I've been telling you about the need to take shorter showers?

It would also help if you

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/27/2015:  05:16:01

get your minds out of the gutter and focus solely on football strategy.

With that they all retired to the local pub

OM45GE - Posted - 05/27/2015:  16:15:09

drank until they were all strong and good looking and got into a brawl with the local toughies. 

It probably wasn't a great

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/28/2015:  13:19:48

time for the toughies,,,,they were women.

Just about the time we thought we were winning they

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/28/2015:  15:01:10

took off their wooden legs and thrashed us soundly with them.

Never cross a

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/29/2015:  04:35:34

wooden legged woman with a peg legged man.

Wooden chips and splinters will

OM45GE - Posted - 05/29/2015:  07:51:53

surely result and, no matter who wins, you end up looking bad.

It's sort of like when you

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/29/2015:  10:21:42

brush your teeth with a wire brush.

Playing bagpipes is not for everyone but it

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/29/2015:  15:50:51

feels good for Scotsmen when wearing kilts- it eliminates hernias.

Many a Highland fling

OM45GE - Posted - 05/29/2015:  18:21:45

was flung in the name of Saint Patrick. 

It is a little known fact that he actually never

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/30/2015:  04:31:52

played a banjo in public.

But his pappy was a

OM45GE - Posted - 05/30/2015:  06:12:51

top notch picker from way back. 

He was known as

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/30/2015:  07:07:27

Saint Earl Paddy , traversing the moors and hills to entertain royalty and peasants alike.

Cat gut strings

OM45GE - Posted - 05/30/2015:  18:59:29

cannot be made without seriously impairing the health of the cat.  

Do you have a cat you would

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/31/2015:  11:41:27

be willing to sell to me?

I prefer Calico cats because

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/31/2015:  12:25:57

they blend in with my girl friend's flower beds, where he likes to make deposits.

I just can't get honest with her

OM45GE - Posted - 05/31/2015:  12:57:57

about where her missing cats really are 

It's something I 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/31/2015:  14:04:05

am now ashamed of.

When she asked me where they were I told her

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/31/2015:  19:18:22

they were sent to third world countries so that poor unfortunate children could have pets.

She's never checked my strings

OM45GE - Posted - 06/01/2015:  03:42:31

so she bought that pile of malarkey.  

However, I think she may suspect 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/01/2015:  04:00:42

that the strings are not steel.

Anyway,I'm giving up catgut strings and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/01/2015:  06:19:58

moving on to groundhog gut - they make great growly 4th strings.

Groundhog gravy,though,

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/01/2015:  07:58:41

is VERY rich but is good on Biscuits.

Try some groundhog fried and

OM45GE - Posted - 06/01/2015:  14:54:12

lightly seasoned with salt, pepper and served with a side of Velveeta dip.

It's the latest

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/01/2015:  15:44:05

receipt for groundhog road kill.

Granny told Jethro to go fetch

OM45GE - Posted - 06/01/2015:  18:33:27

some water from the ceement pond. 

He got distracted by

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/02/2015:  04:00:27

Elly-Mea's backside and fell into the pond.

After all,,,they are kissin' cousins and they

OM45GE - Posted - 06/02/2015:  15:20:55

are independently wealthy so they have plenty of time on their hands. 

They also have

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/02/2015:  15:26:53

groundhog guts on their hands from trying to make strings for Earl.

When Lester and Earl visited

OM45GE - Posted - 06/02/2015:  15:33:22

they were surprised to find that the Clampets were, in fact, actors and not real Hillbillies. 

They had expected 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/02/2015:  17:02:56

Uncle Jed to say "Y'LL but he said "YA'LL".

Then Earl said to Lester,this is only

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/02/2015:  18:12:54

a small Hollywood audience, but why don't we play "Pearl, Pearl, Pearl (Don't Give Your Love To Earl)".

Sam Drucker heard the news

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/03/2015:  03:08:20

and filed legal charges against them.

But when Granny heard about

OM45GE - Posted - 06/03/2015:  04:16:10

Earl and Lester's confusion, she filed a grievance with the Screen Actors Guild alleging a hostile work environment. 

She thought they were picking on her, not

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/03/2015:  05:06:37

Elly Mae's critters.

Then all at once Jethro shouted,HEY,,Come and see

OM45GE - Posted - 06/03/2015:  05:47:40

what Elly Mae and I are doing down at the ceement pond. 

We're

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/03/2015:  08:11:20

doing what we saw our other kissin' cousins doing, We are swimming underwater.

Uncle Jedd thought we were

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/03/2015:  09:09:41

pretending to be in Hooterville, where Pearl's girls swim nekked in the railroad water tower.

Uncle Joe's binoculars

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/03/2015:  10:07:56

told all there is to tell.

Tuxedo Junction is the most

OM45GE - Posted - 06/04/2015:  15:28:01

misunderstood municipality in the country. 

Everyone thinks it's 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/04/2015:  17:56:54

a "hick" junction.

Well,it ain't,,it's a

OM45GE - Posted - 06/05/2015:  03:33:19

steamy hot spot of random hookups and torrid affairs. 

Betty Jo and Billie Joe liked to

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/05/2015:  05:06:35

tease all the men folk.


Uncle Joe finally said,,

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/05/2015:  06:51:57

"You girls better get your little cute cabooses out to the bean field- there's a heap of hoeing to be done."

"Maybe then you'll

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/05/2015:  09:55:16

leave Hooterville for good.

Then he lit his pipe and

OM45GE - Posted - 06/05/2015:  17:48:39

took a long pull and inhaled deeply.

Everyone thought he was smoking tobacco, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/05/2015:  17:51:57

Mr. Haney knew different - he was selling herbal remedies out of the trunk of his 1952 Studebaker.

Confusing the trunk with the hood

OM45GE - Posted - 06/05/2015:  17:58:30

on day, he poured oil all over his clothes and tossed his hat onto the hot engine.

When the tow truck arrived

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2015:  04:56:15

the driver didn't know which end of the car to hook up to.

So he call his boss for instructions before