Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/04/2015:  14:39:32

bygone past when I was my old self at the home on the range

my first experience at

jistgreg - Posted - 01/04/2015:  14:44:06

punching cattle ended badly. 

They call me a cowpoke because 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/05/2015:  10:46:28

I have a cow if someone pokes me.

When I get prodded

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/05/2015:  13:21:37

I grab my branding iron and let the prodder have it on the caboose.

I'm no doormat

OM45GE - Posted - 01/05/2015:  15:00:30

but I don't mind lying around on occasion.

Why do they always

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/05/2015:  16:34:23

ask me to go first

there has to be a reason for

jistgreg - Posted - 01/05/2015:  21:29:36

everything -- Why? --  No reason. 

If man is a rational animal, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/05/2015:  21:35:39

he would stop the world and get off.

A hitch hikers guide to the Universe

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/06/2015:  02:25:46

will not get him admitted.

Only Kermit the frog knows how to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/06/2015:  03:17:46

make Miss Piggy squeal like she means it.

They have a certain

jistgreg - Posted - 01/06/2015:  03:23:27

Je ne se qua (which is French for oo la la). 

The Barber of Seville

Edited by - jistgreg on 01/06/2015 03:23:51

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/06/2015:  04:56:04

lowered Wolfgang's ears, then sold Leopold some toilet water.

A little night music

OM45GE - Posted - 01/06/2015:  05:13:25

seemed to be in order, so Wolfie sat down at the harpsichord and started to play.

At first it sounded

jistgreg - Posted - 01/06/2015:  13:22:49

like the wail out of a jail from a down-heart frail and he played that as part of the blues. 

From a whippoorwill up on the hill, he took 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/06/2015:  13:26:49

a couple of tail feathers and some twigs from its nest.

He wasn't sure what

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/06/2015:  13:30:46

it would sound like,but he laid them on the strings of his honky tonk harpsichord and began to play.

The resulting tune

OM45GE - Posted - 01/06/2015:  14:07:35

surprised everyone with its seductive and alluring beauty.

Somehow the heathers and twigs

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/06/2015:  17:32:13

wern't enough to make him fly

when I crossed over the

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/06/2015:  18:59:44

threshold with my bride,I collapsed under her "pleasantly plump" 300 pound weight.

My doctor

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/07/2015:  04:15:44

is actually a veterinarian,,,,but it works for me.

Once upon a time ago,a woman in Walmart ask me

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2015:  04:48:15

if I needed any help.

I asked if she could paint my house but she

jistgreg - Posted - 01/07/2015:  05:15:29

demurred. 

She should have stayed murred because 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2015:  05:35:58

she was more attractive that way.

We ended up back at her place where we

jistgreg - Posted - 01/07/2015:  06:57:29

pitched woo. 

I clocked her woo at 90 mph, which was 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2015:  07:13:03

pretty good for a side arm woo pitcher.

Now, if she could only

jistgreg - Posted - 01/07/2015:  07:28:12

decant Kool-Aid, she'd be a perfect pitcher.  (Oh, Yeaaaah!) 

What prevents us from being the most 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/07/2015:  08:16:23

perfect couple in America is our penchant for flatulation.

Febreeze is a constant companion

OM45GE - Posted - 01/07/2015:  12:49:26

but there is still a faintly acrid aroma in the air whenever we are around.

It's a major problem when we

MWBailey - Posted - 01/07/2015:  22:10:06

consume baked beans.

Sometimes entire towns are

jistgreg - Posted - 01/08/2015:  00:47:48

evacuated due to rumors that we are on our way. 

Going My Way, a film starring Bing Crosby, 

JKabilly - Posted - 01/08/2015:  03:17:49

set it on fire.

I then jumped

OM45GE - Posted - 01/08/2015:  04:26:47

to a completely erroneous conclusion.

That happens fairly often

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/08/2015:  04:58:50

when evacuations don't go your way,despite erroneous rumors.

Bing's pipe

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/08/2015:  05:24:27

was one of a kind.

That's when I called the Sheriff and

jistgreg - Posted - 01/08/2015:  05:34:29

bade him mosey on down to the Blow Chunks Casino and arrest the band's banjo picker. 

I personally had nothing against her, it was just 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/08/2015:  06:04:23

that if she was in jail I might get a chance to pick up the gig.

I wonder if I will have to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/08/2015:  07:02:28

wear skimpy and revealing clothes like she did.

My abs

jistgreg - Posted - 01/08/2015:  07:23:42

stand for Awfully Big Stomach. 

One of these days, I've got to 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/08/2015:  10:40:54

stop pretending I meant any of my New Year's resolutions.

The fact is, I

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/08/2015:  16:44:59

am a liar, a procrastinator, and a master of self deception.

Why women avoid me

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/08/2015:  18:28:28

is because of my banjo and that peculiar smile I have

I was on my single ski trying a new

jistgreg - Posted - 01/08/2015:  19:42:51

banjo in lieu of ski poles. 

My control was fantastic, but the sound 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/09/2015:  03:17:32

of the snow mobile behind me made me nervous.

So I just did a side step and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/09/2015:  05:54:08

ended up crashing into a freezing cold river.

Just when I thought I was a goner,

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/09/2015:  06:38:48

my banjo was buoyant enough to carry me to the surface.

I always knew

OM45GE - Posted - 01/09/2015:  06:46:27

the danged thing would be useful for something.

Lord knows it isn't any good as

MWBailey - Posted - 01/09/2015:  07:54:13

Firewood; I can't get it to burn.

I even tried a propane

jistgreg - Posted - 01/09/2015:  10:47:38

torch -- I mean a profane tort. 

Did you know 1,548 obscene lawsuits are filed every 

Edited by - jistgreg on 01/09/2015 10:47:59

OM45GE - Posted - 01/09/2015:  11:43:23

day in the land of make believe.

That's where they