chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2018:  08:48:24

Tim Horton himself drank copious quantities of 6.8% alcohol Molsons.

Being a burly defenceman

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2018:  11:43:16

means never having to say your sorry.

Of course, apologies can be

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/24/2018:  23:25:42

said while crunching an opposition left winger into the boards.

Canadians apologize too frequently

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/25/2018:  03:06:54

because they are polite.

All the rest are only

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/27/2018:  03:20:48

subjects of the Queen.

Don't say it if you

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2018:  06:49:18

don't really mean it.

That makes me

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/27/2018:  08:54:08

a meaningless idiot.

i used to have a better reputation

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2018:  10:40:03

until people really got to know me.

That's when they realized

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/28/2018:  04:44:53

I was full of hosunga.

That word is not to be confused with

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/28/2018:  07:37:07

huizinga, he of the Florida Marlins of yesteryear.

Baseball in Florida

OM45GE - Posted - 03/29/2018:  05:55:59

can cause weather envy in snow belt residents.

The dysphoria caused by the distinct disjunction

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/30/2018:  09:00:51

of the square root of the quadratic equation can lead to early dementia.

Love triangles

OM45GE - Posted - 03/30/2018:  11:33:07

are not to be confused with love handles.

Unless, of course, one side of the triangle has

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/30/2018:  12:40:03

been gripped very hard.

But that doesn't mean that it will

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/30/2018:  12:51:28

come off in your hand.

Blood is thicker than water

OM45GE - Posted - 03/30/2018:  13:10:32

unless your blood has been spilled on the ground an has clotted.

In that case,

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/30/2018:  14:57:31

best leave it alone.

but you can always

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/30/2018:  19:47:32

chew 10 aspirins and call your sawbones in the am.

If your heart stops

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/31/2018:  04:01:25

you won't need the sawbones.

Don't worry about it because

OM45GE - Posted - 03/31/2018:  05:55:08

worry just makes you anxious.

You would be better off

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/31/2018:  09:25:37

buying a grave-digging spade now to get the jump on the grim reaper.

But don't pile all the dirt

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/31/2018 09:27:17

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/31/2018:  11:36:08

on the same side of the hole.

There is a story to be told but it

OM45GE - Posted - 03/31/2018:  14:40:46

won't be anything Hollywood will want to make into a film.

I'm sorry to say that

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/31/2018:  14:52:47

I won’t be attending the Academy Awards show to receive my imaginary Oscar.

There are shrinks in Hollywood

OM45GE - Posted - 03/31/2018:  17:44:26

and I'm afraid that they'll get me on the couch and then there's no telling what will happen.

The last time I

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/31/2018:  21:40:09

was shrunk on a couch, my tailor called to say he’d checked into a rest home.

The problem I have with tailors

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/01/2018:  02:10:22

is they keep measuring you up.

Seems as the tailor occupation is always

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/01/2018:  20:33:31

butting up against oversized asses.

Why a mule would ever wear a suit

OM45GE - Posted - 04/02/2018:  13:00:56

to a beach volleyball game is beyond be.

Perhaps they're trying to impress the

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/02/2018:  13:42:00

b(l)eacher bums (hoho) watching on the sidelines.

My last mule dove off the pier

OM45GE - Posted - 04/02/2018:  16:07:44

doing a reverse pike with a double twist.

He must have pulled a muscle, because he

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/02/2018:  17:30:41

sent me a letter from the belly of a whale.

A mule’s stubbornness

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2018:  05:36:03

is legendary, but every mule I've talked with says it's an unfair generalization.



Sure, they say, some mules are stubborn, but most

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/03/2018 05:36:15

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2018:  06:59:21

are just acting on principle.

Take your garden variety ass, for example,

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2018:  07:04:06

doesn't know beans from applebutter

But that doesn't mean

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2018:  07:10:14

he can't make a great applebutter bean dip.

Just don't ask him to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2018:  07:16:08

mallow the marshes though.

A good day of ploughing

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2018:  07:19:47

is not much better than a bad day of torture.

In fact, some folks prefer

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2018:  08:42:10

to work in the fields 24/7.

How many does it take to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2018:  09:25:20

screw in a lightbulb at a Gluebrass Fstvl?

First prize is

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2018:  12:22:17

a week at a banjo camp.

Second prize is

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2018:  12:40:54

two weeks at a banjo camp.

If you have a prewar thumbpick in your possession

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2018:  12:47:45

your fellow campers will fawn over you obsequiously.

If you have prewar fingerpicks, they

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2018:  14:17:21

will sneak into your tent at night and flatten them with a hammer.

A flat fingerpick

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2018:  18:48:18

doesn't work well as either a fingerpick or a flat pick.

The lesson here is to never

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2018:  19:36:07

fall asleep at a Bluegrass festival.

Jamming til 4:30 am

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/04/2018:  04:14:28

is very good while sitting beside a lovely hillbilly gal.

Never sit beside the fat fiddle player because he

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2018:  07:20:25

will poke your eye out with his bow.

He may also

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2018:  08:13:08

beat you to the punch.

Don’t have a breakdown