OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2014:  05:40:51

I never hear them grinding the gears.

On the other hand, maybe

jistgreg - Posted - 11/03/2014:  08:37:27

it's magic broomstick dust. 

If my daughter brings home one more Harry Potter book, 

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2014:  09:33:12

I will have one more book to read.

If she brings home two more Harry Potter Books

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/03/2014:  09:36:26

I'll take a leave of absence in order to digest them.

When you're hungry

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2014:  09:38:32

even the leather covers on a bound book begin to look tasty.

If you are REALLY hungry,

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/03/2014:  14:19:14

go fishing

something knocked a hole in my boat

OM45GE - Posted - 11/03/2014:  14:26:51

which quickly began to fill with water.

I drilled a couple new holes to let the water out but

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/03/2014:  15:23:51

it rose like a cork and a whale ramed it and sank to the top again

a friend was fishing when a

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/03/2014:  17:05:25

police boat came along and wrote him up for impaired fishing.

You see, his

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/03/2014:  17:37:15

buddies laught him off the baot and drank his beer

back when I rode the old steam trains

jistgreg - Posted - 11/03/2014:  21:11:50

I was known far and wide as Hobo Cyril. 

Me and Hobo Poindexter 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/04/2014:  02:51:46

taught the newer hobo's the "do's and don'ts of hoboing.

Sharon,maybe you could come over sometime and

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2014:  04:40:37

and teach me the do's and don'ts of party games with high explosives.

I have a birthday coming up and want to

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/04/2014:  05:04:24

go up on a big way

I'd like to switch out my John Deer motor to my

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2014:  05:46:32

electric toothbrush.

I figure the extra horsepower will

jistgreg - Posted - 11/04/2014:  07:27:58

tickle my ivories, leaving unsurpassed whiteness and brightness. 

It's like magic, without 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/04/2014:  07:33:01

a little imagination you won't be able to leave the farm.

The bright lights

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/04/2014:  08:46:27

of the marque sure are luring.

Chuck Berry sure played a lot

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2014:  09:13:59

of mind games with his roadies.

One time he

jistgreg - Posted - 11/04/2014:  09:22:01

hollered at his roadies, "Guess what's on my mind!" 

They replied, 

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2014:  09:39:59

"Unless something's changed, nothing is on your mind."

They knew he

oliver james - Posted - 11/04/2014:  12:26:35

was hiding candy in his other blazer

Conspiracy!! they yelled, then in a blink of an eye

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2014:  13:39:01

they all fell sound asleep on the floor.

While they were lying there, Chuck

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/04/2014:  14:11:15

tied all their shoelaces together.

Then he yelled "FIRE!"

OM45GE - Posted - 11/04/2014:  15:50:09

he was laughing so hard tears were running down his leg as the roadies tripped and fell in a huge pile.

"That will teach them to

jistgreg - Posted - 11/04/2014:  23:03:30

try to escape a major disaster." 

Speaking of major disasters, have you 

Edited by - jistgreg on 11/04/2014 23:04:07

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/05/2014:  03:33:14

seen the election results?

I suppose it really doesn't

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2014:  04:56:36

matter in the greater scheme of things.

After all, there are

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2014:  05:32:55

bigger fish to fry, as they say in Field and Stream.

My representative

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2014:  05:38:42

on the intergalactic council has summoned me to a meeting at council headquarters.

I'm a little nervous because

oliver james - Posted - 11/05/2014:  05:43:38

i lost the chin strap for my dress helmut

I fear they are going to demote me because

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2014:  10:07:51

if the truth is told, I am a rather complete idiot.

Even my father used to say

oliver james - Posted - 11/05/2014:  11:52:26

youre gonna grow up, and be a complete idiot??

if thats what you want then go ahead and

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2014:  12:44:13

be a chip offa the ol' idiot block.

There are advantages though,

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2014:  14:44:37

people don't ask me to do anything because they know I'll screw it up.

On the other hand,

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2014:  16:57:59

I can hear the sound of one hand clapping.

My acute senses

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/05/2014:  18:14:21

of smell always alerts me when I come into a room full of monkeys

my dog always

jistgreg - Posted - 11/05/2014:  21:07:52

alerts me when there's an idiot in the room. 

Even when I'm the only person in the room, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2014:  21:16:28

he'll bark in code to warn me I'm in the company of an idiot.

A good remedy

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/06/2014:  03:32:20

is to become a moron.

I like fried eggs on my pancakes because

oliver james - Posted - 11/06/2014:  05:59:28

fried eggs on cereal just isnt gettin it lately

i knew a pirate that had a wooden

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2014:  06:17:32

arm and a hooked leg.

He couldn't get anything

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/06/2014:  07:48:06

but termites and rust,even after applying arm-or-all.

He eventually

oliver james - Posted - 11/06/2014:  08:11:42

made the leap to kevlar and titanium

but, with all this technology, he soon found out

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2014:  11:49:54

no one took him seriously as a pirate.

Somehow they were expecting

jistgreg - Posted - 11/06/2014:  14:24:41

; they didn't know how, so they had to be schooled in conception by a pirate. 

We surprised them with a baby shower and 

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2014:  14:30:04

and a nice dinner from the local Chinese restaurant.

Litlle did we know

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/06/2014:  16:25:14

that there were no cat parts in the soup

there were 30 cat hides in the dumpster along with

OM45GE - Posted - 11/06/2014:  17:39:25

some pigeon carcasses that had us wondering about the chicken wings on the menu.

They tasted fine but were