chuckv97 - Posted - 01/14/2019:  16:24:57

get stopped by the alien interplanetary police force.

I've been observing

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/15/2019:  03:31:14

every move that you make,

Just don't move to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/15/2019:  03:41:05

far to your left as there’s a giant and very hungry alligator.

I wouldn’t want you

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/15/2019:  03:55:12

to come up missing any body parts.

Sometimes gators will

DC5 - Posted - 01/15/2019:  05:29:36

disguise themselves as shoes or suit cases.


Mostly though they just

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/15/2019:  07:19:00

call themselves Albert and hang out with Pogo and Howland Owl.

If you ever meet up with a talking possum

OM45GE - Posted - 01/15/2019:  10:17:33

do not give him your ATM password.

Don’t ask me how

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/15/2019:  13:16:20

I know this.

There was a time when

DC5 - Posted - 01/15/2019:  13:47:33

you could trust possums and raccoons.


In today's jaded world

OM45GE - Posted - 01/15/2019:  16:12:40

everything they do is suspect.

No matter how long

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/15/2019:  17:46:48

I'll be on this green earth, send my bones back to my ex, COD.

I never hold a grudge

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/16/2019:  04:14:37

against anyone that I like.

Don't stay around any of

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2019:  05:01:39

street corners where drug dealers lurk.

Guilt by association is

DC5 - Posted - 01/16/2019:  05:51:50

a sure way to ruin your reputation.


If you can hold your

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2019:  06:25:09

breath for five minutes, I’ll show you where I threw a bag full of brand new Calloways.



The pond is deep, but

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/16/2019 06:25:28

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2019:  07:34:14

but my Philosophy Club meetings attract even deeper thinkers.

Last week we pondered

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2019:  13:11:58

the meaning of extreme couponing.

We wondered whether

DC5 - Posted - 01/16/2019:  13:50:19

the lack of privacy is worth downloading coupons.


If I purchase too many

OM45GE - Posted - 01/16/2019:  14:57:25

industrial size boxes of diapers they will probably never get used.

First of all, we don’t have any children in diapers and, secondly, I

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/16/2019:  18:01:10

have my own stash of Depends.

Perhaps the Royal Family

OM45GE - Posted - 01/17/2019:  06:35:37

will finally RSVP to my invitation to our annual pig roast and keg party.

They would

DC5 - Posted - 01/19/2019:  06:21:36

be in charge of bringing the German Potato Salad.


I love to play with

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2019:  08:41:35

the glockenspiel at our weekly gluebrass jam.

The fiddlers get huffy, though,

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2019:  13:50:50

and start pulling their holier than thou routine which is starting to wear a little thin.

For one thing, they aren't

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/21/2019:  08:23:58

any better than the banjo picker.

And that's not all they

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2019:  11:25:42

can’t do, despite their royal status.

Their wood chopping skills are

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/21/2019:  11:54:30

next to none, if you catch my drift.

When is a cord not a chord?, they wondered

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2019:  12:27:34

aloud, prompting their sycophants to compliment their probing question.

Little did they know

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2019:  04:15:35

that they were being recorded.

By the time they found out it

DC5 - Posted - 01/22/2019:  05:34:26

had already gone viral.



There was no way

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2019:  06:48:37

to escape the ridicule and insults.

My name has been dragged through the mud

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2019:  08:49:43

which felt pretty much like home to me.

My family was never

DC5 - Posted - 01/22/2019:  09:40:53

able to figure out who our real fathers were.


Mom attended too many

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2019:  10:42:18

banjo contests and fiddle conventions.

Some of us kids were born with missing teeth

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2019:  12:17:57

while others lost them at an early age.

Perhaps our diets of Snickers and Coke

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2019:  14:35:19

had something to do with our being skinny.

Once when I was there one of them

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2019:  14:42:35

stood on his head and spit nickels.

Why he swallowed them

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2019:  18:47:36

was a matter of great speculation, but we didn’t notice any change in him.

Perhaps he’s got

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/22/2019 18:48:19

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2019:  04:30:50

in a contest with a parking meter.

What really matters is

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2019:  05:04:41

whether he has enough to pay back the $50 he owes me.

He’s not very good at

DC5 - Posted - 01/23/2019:  05:29:05

paying back, but he's great at borrowing.



One time I loaned him my

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2019:  07:02:26

girlfriend and kept her for 3 weeks.

She came back with

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2019:  08:25:51

all sorts of crazy ideas about starting a family and getting tattoos.

I was OK with the ink, but the

DC5 - Posted - 01/23/2019:  14:44:06

but the family was one she bought on eBay.



I consider myself fairly

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2019:  04:17:48

open minded, but my tolerance has its limits.

When she said she wanted me to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2019:  07:54:31

skin dive in shark-infested waters I put my foot down.

So she grabbed my other

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2019:  10:19:02

foot and put it down and the next thing you know I'm flailing around in shark infested waters like a wounded seal.

This quickly attracted the attention of

DC5 - Posted - 01/24/2019:  12:27:15

two great whites and a hammerhead.


Fortunately for me I had

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2019:  14:10:00

built up a huge reservoir of gas and the approaching sharks provoked a huge blast of flatulence that propelled me out of the water and into the boat.



I immediately turned to my soon to be ex-girlfriend and

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/24/2019 14:11:35