chuckv97 - Posted - 02/24/2020:  11:47:18

my face “kissing” a rock.

Nonplussed, I soldiered on

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/24/2020:  11:56:29

fighting my way through the muck and mud and the flies.

Those darn flies

OM45GE - Posted - 02/24/2020:  14:44:05

will pick you up and take you home to eat later.

No amount of bug spray

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/24/2020:  15:07:45

mixed with ginger ale is a cure for nightmarish VW Beetle invasions.

My bug-driving days are ove

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/24/2020:  16:05:37

n baked hams was my thinking due to severe dehydration.

Meanwhile

OM45GE - Posted - 02/24/2020:  18:29:23

the distant relatives were gathering at the lawyer’s office.

They hoped

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/24/2020:  18:36:54

to have me committed on grounds of insanity.

I phoned the lawyer and told him they were the insane ones

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/24/2020:  19:01:39

and he smelled like curry.

To top it off his close had not seen the inside of a washing machine

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/24/2020:  23:11:27

so I do not know how he could possibly appear in court.

Any judge would jail him for contempt, where

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/25/2020:  00:48:50

I’m sure the judge would ask for a sidebar.



Warning the curry smelling disheveled appearing

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/25/2020 00:54:45

OM45GE - Posted - 02/25/2020:  02:37:55

barrister that he was close to being rule in contempt.

The lawyer suppressed a laugh and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/25/2020:  05:41:58

proceeded to harangue the Judge with a 20 minute long diatribe.

Winos in the back row

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/25/2020:  05:52:00

began to hum the national anthem.

When Charlie Daniels took out his fiddle the judge had enough

OM45GE - Posted - 02/25/2020:  08:30:32

and ejected the lot of them from the courtroom.

In the ensuing confusion

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/25/2020:  11:38:52

the devil grabbed Daniels’ fiddle and lit out for Georgia.



Unfortunately, the court had no jurisdiction over the devil,* so



* See: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United...His_Staff





 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/25/2020:  12:32:11

Charlie and the Judge threw up their hands and headed for Grim Jim’s Bar & Grill.

It was there that

OM45GE - Posted - 02/25/2020:  13:10:38

they got down to some serious drinking.

That led to

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/25/2020:  15:02:46

a brawl.

The headlines of the local paper said the fight was about

OM45GE - Posted - 02/25/2020:  15:15:50

20 minutes long, which was how long it took the first responders to get there after the 911 call.

They weren’t prepared for

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/25/2020:  17:07:19

the horror the horror of all the perfectly good booze that is now become a sea of wasted libations.

Meanwhile

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/25/2020:  17:15:49

it was such a small town, the ambulance was also the hearse.

They considered the meaning of life on the way to the hospital

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/25/2020:  17:22:24

in the county seat 10 miles up the road.

That made it convenient for the gendarmerie because the county jail

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/25/2020:  17:29:55

bailiff didn’t know the definition of gendarmerie until he preformed a through web search.

Being satisfied that all parties

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/25/2020:  21:16:09

would be fine after sleeping it off, he threw them in what passed for the drunk tank.

In the morning all jail denizens awoke at precisely 7:12 a.m. to the sound of

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/25/2020:  21:51:02

tin cups rattling the cell door bars.

This caused Warden Borden’s tinnitus

OM45GE - Posted - 02/26/2020:  03:49:14

to ring louder than ever, making it impossible to understand what was being said.

He sort of like the effect, but

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/26/2020:  07:13:35

couldn't milk it for all it was worth.

So he called his son, Jordan, to

OM45GE - Posted - 02/26/2020:  08:11:17

come and give him a ride home.

He had decided

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/26/2020:  09:35:17

Jordan Borden would make a better warden.

Jordan’s first order of business

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/26/2020:  11:13:09

was to give everyone a psychological evaluation.

Everyone was declared legally insane

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/26/2020:  14:28:36

,but their rendition of The Flight Of The Bumblebee on kazoo was so inspiring that they were invited to preform at Carnegie Hall.

So the question of insanity

OM45GE - Posted - 02/26/2020:  15:12:59

drives me crazy.

How can they expect someone like me

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/26/2020:  15:23:19

to lead an exemplary life when madmen are everywhere.

My last Rorschach test

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/26/2020:  15:38:26

turned out inconclusive.



The test monitors were hard of hearing

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/26/2020 15:38:54

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/26/2020:  17:06:24

and the ink blots ran when I sweated on them.

While they were yelling at each other, I beat a hasty retreat to

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/26/2020:  17:35:43

the lighthouse. It was a dark and stormy night.

The beacon was a relief to many of the ships

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/26/2020:  17:45:03

sailing ‘round the Horn.

Not many could walk the plank

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/26/2020:  17:48:29

but then again why would they.

I’m just trying to wrap my mind around this whole concept of a crazed lighthouse

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/26/2020:  19:58:52

as the waves crashed against the rocks far below.

I started up the foghorn, and put water on to boil

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/26/2020:  20:52:35

but the wood for the stove was wet because it had been left outside.

I finally got it lit after about 45 minutes, and as the water began to boil,

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/26/2020:  20:56:17

I fell asleep.

I woke up to the

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/26/2020:  21:12:02

to the whistling of the kettle but in my slumber,which at times abandon me, I was dreaming of the time a steam locomotive was sounding it’s alarm while I laid prone across the track due to an all night binger.



Wordy? Yes but what would you expect from

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 02/26/2020 21:13:21

roxygrl - Posted - 02/27/2020:  03:54:37

A whistling kettle, I once learned of two kettles playing three beats to the bar..
Later back in the kitchen cook said..

OM45GE - Posted - 02/27/2020:  04:45:19

the kitchen is closed for the day, you’ll have to order takeout.

This really angered me because

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/27/2020:  05:15:29

even if I ordered take out wouldn’t the cook still have to cook in the kitchen he himself said was closed?

My brain still foggy from lack of sleep and that kettle,that damn kettle

roxygrl - Posted - 02/27/2020:  05:41:15

..do I dumped that kettle ..that kettle..
went shopping for..

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/27/2020:  07:50:06

a pet tiger. Many in Texas thankfully.

Now I walk the streets

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/27/2020:  09:52:20

with my clothes in shreds and my skin oozing blood.

I have to run a trap line to keep him fed

5B-Ranch - Posted - 02/27/2020:  11:53:42

which in itself is a very competitive way of providing substance, for of all things, a tiger.

Come to Texas she said,we can get a Tiger