jistgreg - Posted - 08/02/2015:  10:05:06

left a Milwaukee woman with more than 30 stitches, two titanium plates in her face, and $215,000 in medical bills.

jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/in...6091.html 

The Milwaukee Brewers have kept in touch with her family, sending flowers and memorabilia, so 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/02/2015:  12:45:16

she doesn't forget them.

Just don't go batting the ball all around the park because

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/02/2015:  13:40:38

you'll end up in a bench clearing brawl as happened in Toronto this afternoon.

The fans thought a hockey game

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/03/2015:  06:05:40

was in progress.

They should conserve their energy and

OM45GE - Posted - 08/03/2015:  17:28:35

stay home drinking beer. 

That is a national sport in

Scaggs7 - Posted - 08/03/2015:  17:57:12

American

you try that at home

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/03/2015:  20:09:28

and your wife/"significant other" will put you in the doghouse.

When you have a bone to pick

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/04/2015:  04:43:15

on,you can leave the banjo in the corner

Besides that,pickin on a bone will

OM45GE - Posted - 08/04/2015:  05:42:08

not win you any friends at a national convention of vegans. 

They are likely to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/04/2015:  09:15:18

disqualify you and send you home boneless.

I had a dog named Frank and he would just

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/04/2015:  14:08:17

run over to the hot dog stand all the time, thinking the franks were his for the taking.

The owner threatened him with rock salt and nails

OM45GE - Posted - 08/06/2015:  18:51:54

but Frank was too quick for him and didn't stop chewing on him until there wasn't enough to left of him to stuff a hot dog bun. 

Frank then proceeded to

jistgreg - Posted - 08/06/2015:  21:03:19

lick the owner's face (what was left of it) and invite him to get up and play. 

Poor doggie didn't understand 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/07/2015:  03:46:22

that the owner's name was Frank.

So we called the owner Frank and called the dog Franky so others

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/07/2015:  07:42:42

wouldn't confuse hot dogs with dogs , a faux pas in ol' Quebec.



If you are on the run, don't ever

Edited by - chuckv97 on 08/07/2015 07:43:01

jistgreg - Posted - 08/07/2015:  07:56:33

leave your shoes untied. 

My uncle had a bad experience: 

MWBailey - Posted - 08/07/2015:  09:38:06

farting in a welder's shop.

You'd neve rbelieve how explosive

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/07/2015:  10:54:39

bean gas is - it liquified the anvil.

Not to get political, but Bush's Beans

MWBailey - Posted - 08/07/2015:  12:10:43

taste like hillary's eyeliner.

Must be all that Texas

OM45GE - Posted - 08/07/2015:  14:40:59

is known for is the Alamo and big hair. 

That is unfortunate, because 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/07/2015:  15:03:38

they have some really nice senoritas there.

But watch out for the jack rabbits,they

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/07/2015:  15:14:15

will jack up your car and steal your ultra fancy rims and tires.

Some of'em will

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/07/2015:  18:02:05

pounce upon your body?

When the heat gets to 110 they begin to

jistgreg - Posted - 08/07/2015:  21:52:18

grow antlers and turn into jackalopes. 

They are truly fabulous beasts; they 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/08/2015:  21:23:15

applied for a job with Marlin Perkins and Jim.

Jackalopes never seem to

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2015:  02:14:26

run out of energy.

Jackalopes never die,they just

jistgreg - Posted - 08/09/2015:  03:10:42

keep going and going and going. 

When they're comin' 'round the mountain, they 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2015:  04:19:54

they run single file for safety.

There isn't much that can be done when

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/09/2015:  06:33:43

the storms are on the ocean, except to secure your rowboat.

My oars are not

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2015:  12:13:34

designed for more than 900 psi.

Our rowing team captain says always

OM45GE - Posted - 08/09/2015:  17:16:22

blame your farts on the rower in front of you. 

Unless of course you

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2015:  17:42:36

strained to much.

Just then James Cagney came in and

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/09/2015:  19:18:39

washed all the dirty rats in the the ol' hog trough.

A rat without Brylcreem

jistgreg - Posted - 08/10/2015:  00:59:56

is like a day without Anita Bryant. 

My dictionary defines homophobia as 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/11/2015:  02:05:36

something that is homo.

When playing poker,always keep your hands

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/11/2015:  06:06:05

up your sleeves to keep everyone guessing.

And don't "call"

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/11/2015:  14:00:23

for the bartender,,he's busy with important people.

And the dealer doesn't stand for

jistgreg - Posted - 08/11/2015:  14:38:05

sit down strikes when he doesn't know what the deal is. 

Three strikes and you're 

Edited by - jistgreg on 08/11/2015 14:39:03

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/11/2015:  17:44:28

five spares away from the grand prize at Boris' Bowling Alley.

But a split

MWBailey - Posted - 08/13/2015:  13:57:32

personality helps with a teammember shortage.

It's easy to bowl with your pants

Scaggs7 - Posted - 08/13/2015:  18:34:22

up

I didn't even know

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/13/2015:  18:58:33

that the balls had holes in'em.

Some dirty rat put

jistgreg - Posted - 08/13/2015:  19:39:25

a swiss cheesehead ball in the ball return. 

Local bowlers still reminisce about that sad day 

MWBailey - Posted - 08/13/2015:  23:13:27

when the cheese ball began to stink.

The fire department brought bourdeaux

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/14/2015:  02:12:34

but what they needed was battery acid.

Once the stage has been set,don't ever

jistgreg - Posted - 08/14/2015:  02:25:13

try to rob the Wells Fargp Overland. 

"Riding shotgun" isn't just 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/14/2015:  07:35:07

a ruse to amuse New Years revellers.

After all,

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/14/2015:  08:22:18

I'll bet none of us ever rode shotgun for a stage coach driver.

Then along came the "Tin Lizzie" which changed

jistgreg - Posted - 08/14/2015:  13:05:31

its bloomers in the town square fountain. 

The town bluenoses were shocked -- shocked -- because