chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2016:  11:27:48

with my teeth out she couldn't understand me anyway.

My denturist has a new

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2016:  15:24:18

billing procedure that he,finds quite effective. 

You sign over everything 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2016:  15:11:51

to his secretary right before he poisons you with gum mold compound.



His closet is

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/08/2016 15:12:14

J e f f - Posted - 04/08/2016:  17:46:22

full of moldy gum that came from the visitors dugout at Wrigley Field.

At Wrigley Field you can get a good supply of

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2016:  17:53:52

Dubble Bubble, an ominous financial situation that can send folks to Chicago soup kitchens.

Please tell your bank manager

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2016:  18:41:55

to stop sending me letters asking for my bank account information. 

For one thing, I don't have any

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/10/2016:  13:23:42

moolah, and for another thing tell him to spell my name right, for crying out loud!



Drive-thru ATM's

 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/10/2016 13:24:15

OM45GE - Posted - 04/10/2016:  15:21:41

seem pretty impersonal, but on the other hand, they don't talk back. 

The other day I was

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/11/2016:  06:29:37

behind another car who pulled out a gun to rob the ATM.

Little did he know

J e f f - Posted - 04/11/2016:  13:44:53

that this ATM was an Alpaca Turd Machine.

The

OM45GE - Posted - 04/12/2016:  03:35:15

ATM responded with explosive alpaca diarrhea which quickly filled the robber's car in an impressive display of fecal defense. 

The robber

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/12/2016:  12:01:59

went home crying to mother, before father caught wind of the situation.

Archie Bunker never flatulated

OM45GE - Posted - 04/13/2016:  03:20:05

because he passed his gas verbally. 

Meat Head on the other hand, 

Rossanne - Posted - 04/13/2016:  16:34:06

...carefully rolled Meat balls for all his family...

Head Chef MacDonald decided..

Edited by - Rossanne on 04/13/2016 16:34:45

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/13/2016:  22:12:14

his farming days were over when his barn blew over.

All his animals

OM45GE - Posted - 04/14/2016:  03:27:26

left immediately for the neighbor's farm where they promptly made themselves at home. 

They started 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/14/2016:  14:53:02

a riot down at the corral.

Now the neighbor is

J e f f - Posted - 04/14/2016:  17:02:28

originally from the holy city of Toledo.

I've been to Toledo, and it's 

Edited by - J e f f on 04/14/2016 17:02:56

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/14/2016:  19:31:51

where Jeeps and Mudhens bask in city citizens' adulation.

After midnight,the place gives me the willys

OM45GE - Posted - 04/15/2016:  03:28:23

because things that seem pleasant in the light of day take on a sinister cast in the dark of night. 

For example, 

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/15/2016 03:28:39

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/15/2016:  04:00:46

if you look at a woman standing sideways at night,,things look different.

But in the daylight,,they scare

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/15/2016:  05:59:34

little tykes on their way to school.

Fish-net stockings

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/15/2016:  09:08:44

Are not legal to fish with in Florida..

The fish get confused and

J e f f - Posted - 04/15/2016:  18:04:29

leave town on their Harleys.

Most of them forget

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/15/2016:  19:31:26

to spit out the hook, but they like the pierced lip look.

Never stare at a walleye

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/16/2016:  06:10:47

or you will go cross eyed like the Duck.

Then you can't see what's

J e f f - Posted - 04/16/2016:  08:38:39

hiding in The Donald's hair.

Normally there are

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/16/2016:  11:48:44

cooties and lice hanging out at trump rallies.

His henchmen use Raid

OM45GE - Posted - 04/16/2016:  13:26:30

as an underarm deodorant and also like to spray it on their salads. 

They think it will

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/17/2016:  12:57:33

They think it will kill the monster inside of them.

That's an old wives tale because

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/17/2016:  14:20:42

old wives are delusional about seeing monsters, even at Fenway.

If you find yourself with an old wife

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/18/2016:  03:28:22

quickly trade her in for a new one.

The new ones smell very good and

OM45GE - Posted - 04/18/2016:  05:18:11

are eager to keep you happy so that you will write them into your will.

They're hoping for

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/18/2016:  06:10:54

a few scheckels to run away with the mailman to Bora Bora.

Never die before you

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/18/2016:  07:58:35

have lived as long as you're going to.



I think I died once but

Edited by - banjoscotty on 04/18/2016 07:59:33

OM45GE - Posted - 04/18/2016:  18:22:36

it turned out I was just napping. 

The undertaker was shocked when I 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/19/2016:  07:23:04

removed my toe tag and drank his alcohol.

A hearse is

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/19/2016:  09:46:22

incognito to pick of the beer for our party.

Everyone is invited but please

OM45GE - Posted - 04/19/2016:  11:41:27

do not bring your banjos.

The last time that happened

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/19/2016:  13:48:14

the dueling didn't stop until Sgt. O'Hara arrested everyone for plunking and boinking.

Then he skinned

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/19/2016:  15:46:08

up a tree to hide.

These things only happen when

OM45GE - Posted - 04/19/2016:  16:36:59

immature folks like us are permitted to party without supervision. 

You would think that 

J e f f - Posted - 04/19/2016:  19:39:22

pulling his finger would release the gas.

However, 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/20/2016:  04:08:42

all it resulted in was him punching me in the nose.

I thought that was a bit extreme but he

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/20/2016:  05:26:53

pulled my finger later.

What's the big deal about

OM45GE - Posted - 04/20/2016:  07:25:13

the price of tea in China anyway?

I don't really care how much

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/20/2016:  08:10:38

Tonto weighs, I'll carry him through Deadman's Gulch 'til we get to Rosa's cantina.

A cactus

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/20/2016:  08:22:30

was growing right in middle of the trail so I went around it..

Then I lost my grip on Tonto and he

OM45GE - Posted - 04/20/2016:  09:33:27

slid to the ground muttering something about how I would get what's coming to me soon enough. 

He may have been referring to