OM45GE - Posted - 12/19/2015:  18:56:30

just thinking about having to examine butts all day long. 

I would much rather 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/20/2015:  04:57:12

go to a good old fashioned shin-dig down at Dumas Walkers.

They have fish and chips there so

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/20/2015:  07:20:08

be sure to bring ketchup, malt vinegar, salt, pepper, tartar sauce, and rolaids.

My favorite fish

OM45GE - Posted - 12/20/2015:  09:43:44

was a real cheapskate. 

He would never lend you a fin

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/20/2015:  10:25:39

from his scaled body.

Baboons,fish and fireflies all

jistgreg - Posted - 12/20/2015:  11:15:48

start with F -- except baboons. 

Baboons start with you and never 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/20/2015:  11:22:01

evolve beyond the 7 letter alphabet - you , vee, dubbleyou , ex, why, zee, and ay ("eh" in Canada).

Never teach a baboon

OM45GE - Posted - 12/20/2015:  14:45:34

how to unlock your liquor cabinet. 

It will be the last you see of

MWBailey - Posted - 12/21/2015:  09:00:49

order in your lman cave, or that bottle of sixty year old scotch.



I had little rhesus monkey once, but he didn't have a peanut butter center; he did have a cup that he

Edited by - MWBailey on 12/21/2015 09:01:53

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/21/2015:  09:12:25

held out to passersby when I was in my "the world is coming to an end" phase, shouting loudly on street corners.



But my monkey licence

 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/21/2015 09:13:11

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/21/2015:  12:07:08

only allows me to monkey around with them.

One monkey don't stop no show but a gorilla

OM45GE - Posted - 12/21/2015:  15:49:52

can bring things to a halt in a hurry. 

Reasoning with him won't 

jistgreg - Posted - 12/21/2015:  16:01:17

, especially an 800-pound (57 stone) gorilla, commands a modicum of respect. 

If I knew what a modicum is, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/21/2015:  16:36:33

I'd buy one and soup it up for the 50 mile hotrod derby this weekend.

My roll bar

OM45GE - Posted - 12/21/2015:  17:41:22

is made of balsa wood painted to look like steel. 

It's very light but

jistgreg - Posted - 12/22/2015:  01:33:46

I could paint it darker to resemble molybdenum. 

If I knew what molybdenum was, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/22/2015:  02:27:39

My small vocabulary would be + one more word..

Hillbillys are people of

OM45GE - Posted - 12/22/2015:  03:31:41

the hills, so why aren't people how live in valleys called "valleybillies"?

Maybe they

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/22/2015:  05:11:21

don't like that aristocratic name??

Maybe "Lowlanders" might fit their

jistgreg - Posted - 12/22/2015:  07:13:16

mailboxes, but it's difficult to see that as an improvement. 

Why American postal codes should be called ZIP codes 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/22/2015:  07:48:37

is an oxymoron 'cuz the mail is anything but zippy.

In northern climes mail order brides

OM45GE - Posted - 12/22/2015:  09:41:35

often froze to death before being delivered to the anxious grooms.

When their packaging was opened it was common to find

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/23/2015:  06:08:15

a fridged lady.

But after being thawed out they

jistgreg - Posted - 12/23/2015:  06:16:38

begin to cuss fluently, "Отправить меня к чертовой Сибири !" 

I think that's Russian for 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/23/2015:  07:15:07

"Crack open the vodka, comrade, we party hard in homeland!"

An alcoholic Russian wife

OM45GE - Posted - 12/23/2015:  08:08:57

 would be about par for my marital exploits. 

I seem to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/23/2015:  09:39:51

strike out on those points.

If you don't want to strike out then

OM45GE - Posted - 12/23/2015:  11:13:00

don't take a turn at bat - never try, never fail!

Of course, that means you

jistgreg - Posted - 12/23/2015:  11:29:32

end up on the bench in the dugout, just like George Herman Ruth and Peter the Rose. 

Der Rosenkavelier was 

Edited by - jistgreg on 12/23/2015 11:30:17

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/23/2015:  11:32:50

play on words and musik by that madman Reekard Strowss, a dashing kraut who never read the PC rulebook.



His bush league

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/23/2015 11:36:54

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/23/2015:  11:33:42

could have someone pinch hit for you and you still wouldn't strike out.

The record for the most strike outs goes to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/23/2015:  11:40:22

Wally Cox ,who had trouble wowing the girls with his nerdish looks and wimpish demeano(u)r.

But one day he joined the local book club

jistgreg - Posted - 12/23/2015:  11:43:55

and met Frank Hoenikker, who made Wally look like Tony Curtis. 

"Why, Bernie Schwartz!" I heard a lady 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/23/2015:  14:34:21

exclaim as she pushed her baby in its carriage through the the crowd. 

I've been looking for you

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/23/2015:  15:01:21

,you cad!

You left me at the Sundown Motel

OM45GE - Posted - 12/23/2015:  15:08:32

in a family way and crying my eyes out. 

Now you are going to have to 

jistgreg - Posted - 12/23/2015:  17:19:30

pay child support AND marry me AND live with me and the kid and my mother! 

How's THAT grab ya, you 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/23/2015:  17:47:11

....you...you....gorgeous hunk of man, you!

I've been SOOO lonely

OM45GE - Posted - 12/24/2015:  03:48:34

ever since my sixth husband ran away with the babysitter. 

I'm hoping you

jistgreg - Posted - 12/24/2015:  05:40:17

will babysit, oo big, wunnerful hunka hunka burning man! 

The baby will 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/24/2015:  06:07:16

probably crap himself a few times, so be a dear and run down to the store and grab a couple packages of disposable nap pies, would you?

While you're there, pick up some

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/24/2015:  08:40:11

liquor and cigarettes, because I go through a quart and a couple of packs a day.

With you here, I

OM45GE - Posted - 12/24/2015:  10:33:11

think I may be able to stop bringing home items from the trash. 

I'm running out of

jistgreg - Posted - 12/24/2015:  17:27:04

Cheez Whiz and molasses, be a dear and pick some up for me. 

I know you weren't 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/25/2015:  03:11:50

planning to pay off all my credit cards, but it really would take some of the pressure off. 

I'm thinking it would be nice to have

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/25/2015 03:12:47

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/25/2015:  18:38:39

you working in the local coal mine, bringing home a paycheque every week.

You'd like it underground

jistgreg - Posted - 12/25/2015:  20:50:18

where the temperature is a steady 55° F year 'round and the humidity is also steady. 

If you want a good place to store your casks of beer, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/26/2015:  03:40:57

just put them in my walk in cooler.

No thank you..I've decided to join the

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2015:  05:08:37

French Foreign Legion. 

I'd rather risk my neck as a mercenary than

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/26/2015 05:09:04