chuckv97 - Posted - 12/06/2016:  07:48:13

giving them banjos and a lifetime membership to "Banjos'R'Us", along with bib overalls and straw hats.

Society will thank me

Forrest - Posted - 12/06/2016:  09:08:47

for my efforts, but the real challenge before me is making those future banjo players into "accepted" members of society.

Banjo players face a number of challenges

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2016:  11:34:20

some unfairly imposed on them by others and many they bring upon themselves.

For instance,

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/06/2016:  12:31:20

many of'em refuse to visit dentists to fix that gap-toothed grin.

Others play in Church with devilish abandon

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2016:  12:36:08

and plan to meet their fellow players in hell.

Little do they know,

Forrest - Posted - 12/06/2016:  13:52:49

hell supposedly has many levels, reserved for different sinners. 

Banjo players fall into the 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2016:  14:08:27

lowest level of all where they can associate with musicians of all genres who are similarly doomed to the depths.

It turns out to be a pretty happening place, with

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/06/2016:  14:54:42

beatnik poets rubbing shoulders with pugnacious rednecks.

No one sails on the lake of fire

OM45GE - Posted - 12/07/2016:  03:37:59

in a wooden boat. 

Unless, of course, they

Forrest - Posted - 12/07/2016:  18:03:10

have an asbestos life jacket and paid up life insurance.

The result is an express trip to

Edited by - Forrest on 12/07/2016 18:03:21

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/07/2016:  18:11:09

Fargo, North Dakota, a resting place for weary pilgrims from the Outer Islands of Lake Superior.

Many hell-bound souls

OM45GE - Posted - 12/08/2016:  02:55:01

look back on their lives of debauchery and lasciviousness fondly. 

95% say they wouldn't 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/08/2016:  03:48:42

trade their herpes and syphilis-infested lives for any sum of money.

Penicillin is a boon

OM45GE - Posted - 12/08/2016:  05:03:08

to those who were given a gift that keeps on giving.

It allows them to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/08/2016:  14:04:25

debauch and lasciver without calamitous fears.

A bad liver

Forrest - Posted - 12/08/2016:  18:10:26

is the sign of a life lived to its fullest, soaked in gin or other spirits.

No one is getting

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/08/2016:  19:29:46

out of here alive, so you might as well start digging your grave now.

Being buried beside a distillery

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/09/2016:  08:28:00

won't help a thing.

You might want to think about

OM45GE - Posted - 12/09/2016:  12:37:24

alternative interment sites

Might I suggest

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/09/2016:  12:41:28

a nice plot in the mountains, beside an old Indian burial ground.

Goats and sheep will deface

OM45GE - Posted - 12/09/2016:  12:45:19

any grave marking you put up so I recommend going large.

The Parthenon is a good example of what

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/09/2016:  15:32:05

might be done ..

So ride me down easy Lord and leave

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/09/2016:  17:59:52

twenty bucks in the collection plate, to help lost banjoists.

I was just a lad, maybe 22

OM45GE - Posted - 12/10/2016:  04:30:46

when I first realized that it would have been better if I was born rich instead of so darn handsome. 

My looks only get me

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/10/2016:  04:43:28

vulgar remarks from other men..

It's not what you're thinking about me,it's only

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/10/2016:  06:23:05

what I'm thinking about them and their goofy wives who wear track pants and high heels.

The old grandfather's clock in the hall

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/10/2016:  06:57:44

was too large for the shelf.

But then he died so

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/10/2016:  07:32:51

the old clock ticked no more , which made us all late for the graveyard jamboree

Some folks chime in

OM45GE - Posted - 12/10/2016:  10:42:34

when they don't have anything to contribute to the conversation. 

Others barely 

Forrest - Posted - 12/10/2016:  15:59:49

utter a peep, despite having an inner monologue that would rival the best conversationalist. 

As the saying goes, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/10/2016:  16:38:09

if you answer your inner monologue ,your time in a padded cell will soon be forthcoming.

I seldom speak in parables

OM45GE - Posted - 12/10/2016:  17:39:27

because I'm not really sure what a parable is. 

I do like fables 

Forrest - Posted - 12/11/2016:  09:00:01

and in fact consider myself to be legen....wait for it....dary. (Thanks to Barney Stinson for that quote). 

The moral of this story is

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/11/2016:  13:40:15

never go near the graveyard without a parable to say.

This is one time things just don't

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/11/2016:  14:41:54

add up, because I gave twenty bucks to the "Lost Banjo Players Fund" and got back an old g-string and a broken capo.

If I live to be a hundred

Forrest - Posted - 12/11/2016:  17:38:19

I'll never understand why banjo players are so darned cheap. 

And by cheap, I mean

OM45GE - Posted - 12/12/2016:  03:26:25

they may not have their first dollar but they can probably tell you what they spent it on. 

In my case, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2016:  05:30:34

I have some needle nose pliers,a nut driver and a heckler neutralizer.

Don't bother showing up

Forrest - Posted - 12/12/2016:  07:12:13

unless you want a free vasectomy by none other than yours truly, because I'm not carrying around these tools for nothing.

I'm surprised that

OM45GE - Posted - 12/12/2016:  07:34:07

the state hasn't responded to my application to set up a urology practice.

I'm thinking of combining it with

Forrest - Posted - 12/12/2016:  07:48:27

hematology, because you know the difference between the two - a hematologist pricks fingers all day. 

Some variety would be

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2016:  08:15:58

welcome in my daily activities here in the county jail.

Cold toast and burnt coffee

Forrest - Posted - 12/12/2016:  08:53:11

get old after a while, as does the daily grind of beating prisoners into submission with my sharp wit and even sharper tongue.

The one bright light

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2016:  08:56:57

here is in the solitary confinement cell, a piercing white light shining 24/7.

Tortuous screams at 3am are expected

Forrest - Posted - 12/12/2016:  10:10:55

as are the smells, fluids, and other horrible sounds. 

My favorite part is

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/12/2016:  10:39:46

when mother nature calls and doesn't say why.

Anyway the guards all get

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2016:  10:53:37

to shuckin' and jivin' when I get out my banjer and sing "Doin' My Time".

Even the warden's wife

Forrest - Posted - 12/12/2016:  10:56:07

, a handsome woman, with a deep singing voice, large hands and prominent adams apple, loves to join in and sing along with my banjo playing.

Our other favorite activities

OM45GE - Posted - 12/12/2016:  11:01:00

include tunneling and rope knotting.

We even started