banjoscotty - Posted - 11/07/2014:  04:27:23

because if you do,,you'll only eat them.

Everyone please go to the bomb shelter,and don't

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2014:  04:50:32

come back outside until we give the all clear signal.

If we don't

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2014:  06:20:42

run out of food,at least we'll lose weight.

A silver lining

jistgreg - Posted - 11/07/2014:  09:14:49

in all this general great mish-mosh is a lesson to us all:  how to become an omnivore. 

C'mon, Swee'pea, we're going 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/07/2014:  09:33:39

to McDonalds for burgers and fries.

When flying your F-86 inverted,it's important to

jistgreg - Posted - 11/07/2014:  09:49:55

turn your banjo upside-down also so the music comes out of it rightside-up. 

Macaroni and cheese was invented to make us all 

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2014:  14:22:31

say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Unless of course, you really did

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/07/2014:  16:28:27

look up

my carport went

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/07/2014:  18:07:46

into an identity crisis last night,transforming itself into a Chrysler Newport.



Never leave

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/07/2014 18:08:02

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/08/2014:  03:49:14

Home without Jesus. (Marty Stuart)

Black powder revolvers are fun but

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/08/2014:  09:35:14

those powder burns are ruining my sex life.

It hurts to

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/08/2014:  17:53:30

say,,I give up.

Little Orphan Annie was only

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/08/2014:  19:09:37

in the Wild West Show with sure shot Annie

when I was walkin across country

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/09/2014:  04:22:41

I got very tired and thirsty.

I had used up my food and water so

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/09/2014:  07:56:14

I ate tadpoles and frogs,and drank maple sap.

My lumbago cleared up

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/09/2014:  12:40:41

after I washed it and did the rest of the laundry

my dog is loosing

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/10/2014:  04:08:53

his battle against time,,he is 17 years old.

Guess what? His name's Shep but not

OM45GE - Posted - 11/10/2014:  05:44:58

as in "Shepherd".

We named him after

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/10/2014:  08:13:45

our Jewish neighbor's dog Schlep,but forgot how to spell it.

Doghouses are

jistgreg - Posted - 11/10/2014:  10:10:01

vastly underrated, compared to extremely chilly conjugal beds. 

One thing I know from experience, 

OM45GE - Posted - 11/10/2014:  12:49:31

is that experience has to be experienced to be believed.

If you don't believe it you can

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/10/2014:  13:42:50

experience the un-experienced .

Please put the tools back when

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/10/2014:  16:58:52

you land the plane if the engine is still running

it's not supposed to be hot here but

OM45GE - Posted - 11/10/2014:  16:59:16

you are finished mishandling them.

When you leave them lying around, it

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/10/2014:  18:20:58

scaggs 1st

but with all this glowball warming,old man winter is befuddled.

Perhaps he is

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/11/2014:  10:41:25

going to join the groundhog.

Popeye once said,

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/11/2014:  17:53:55

I'm going to climb that bean stock that Jack planted

it's too hot to be as cold as it is and

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/11/2014:  18:11:47

it's too windy to be this calm.

Patchy Drizzle,our local TV weather girl,

jistgreg - Posted - 11/11/2014:  22:24:45

trades quips during her weathercast with Albert, a sock pupppet. 

Professional meteorologists everywhere 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/12/2014:  02:54:12

say it will be daylight soon.

The buttons on this jacket are

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2014:  05:52:41

mysteriously moving further apart and I can no longer button the darn thing.

My wife says

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/12/2014:  07:03:55

I need a new one.Two sizes bigger.

All women are the same except

oliver james - Posted - 11/12/2014:  10:24:08

for the way they look, act, talk, flirt, laugh, smell, and understand me

other than that

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2014:  11:36:38

I can hardly tell them apart.

Except for the

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/12/2014:  13:24:43

scent of their perfume.

We had a woman keyboard player who would

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2014:  13:39:55

tickle the ivories in a way I found very provocative.

Perhaps it was how she

jistgreg - Posted - 11/12/2014:  17:59:20

played "Kitten on the Keys" with her toes. 

When I get to thinkin' about the human race, 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/12/2014:  18:11:22

I black out

things aren't the same without

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/12/2014:  20:32:31

my '62 Pontiac and my 8 track player.

Nostalgic memories are just

jistgreg - Posted - 11/13/2014:  00:21:19

my luck, in my future. 

A mouthful of silver 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/13/2014:  03:49:58

isn't worth as much as gold.

HAPPY IS THE DAY WHEN

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2014:  05:25:31

I don't have to pretend I'm interested in what other people are saying.

For example,

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/13/2014:  07:51:42

Officer Obie last night was telling me to get out of the car.

I wasn't interested

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2014:  08:16:57

but had to pretend I was which caused a problem when I asked him to hold my bottle of Scotch. 

He seemed to think

oliver james - Posted - 11/13/2014:  10:55:09

that Glenfiddich never had a single malt scotch

an argument ensued, leaving him with nothing more than

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2014:  11:58:35

a black eye, and empty pair of handcuffs and a vague sense of foreboding that he would be unable to explain what had happened.

I, on the other hand,

Scaggs7 - Posted - 11/13/2014:  18:35:12

was a watch I got while fishing in a place I can't remember

the shoes I'm wearing just got

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/13/2014:  18:44:50

attacked and chewed by our half-blind neighbor's dog,Schlep.

He keeps mistaking

jistgreg - Posted - 11/14/2014:  00:50:57

footwear for feral cats. 

Maybe if I wasn't wearing moccasins made from fuzzy bunnies,