jistgreg - Posted - 01/29/2014:  17:15:58

"I'm feeling rather Orange, being from Ulster...." 

He wouldn't tolerate the wearin' of the 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/29/2014:  18:19:09

green,even though he's a red haired boy.

Give him a green Guinness and a shamrock

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/29/2014:  18:29:39

and a fifth of Scotch , then he will shut up.

These crazies next door

RandyZ - Posted - 01/29/2014:  18:37:45

Jamming that longhair accordian music. If i have to stop this car....

jistgreg - Posted - 01/29/2014:  18:59:47

I hope my spouse didn't cut the brake lines. 

An offhand remark 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/29/2014:  19:08:35

led to the whole bar on an uproar..

The next time I go to the lake

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/29/2014:  19:26:25

I'm gonna take a bar of soap.

The last time, I came out of the water dirtier than

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/29/2014 19:26:50

ErikH - Posted - 01/30/2014:  02:08:54

when I went in.

Of course, maybe it had something to do with

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  04:13:03

since I jumped in the wrong watering hole

it's a whole nother thing when you comes up a against

RandyZ - Posted - 01/30/2014:  05:25:12

a rabid sewer rat.

now, seeing that this wasnt working at all....

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  05:43:58

we decided to try something completely different.

Of course, we disagreed on

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  06:27:45

who we would listen to for advise.

I took these here pills and now I'm

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  06:30:53

Feeling pretty frisky.

Do you know anyone

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  07:01:54

who has a deep longing for ribald passion?

The last time we went to lover's lane my car

RandyZ - Posted - 01/30/2014:  07:27:13

my car smelled just like peaches.

now, its taking on the...

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  08:48:28

rather disturbing funk of hyena.

The only reason I can think that is happening is

jistgreg - Posted - 01/30/2014:  10:06:33

I've hauled one too many hyenas in my backseat -- or two, actually. 

Sometimes I cry because 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  10:09:14

the hyenas make me laugh until tears run down my leg.

They have a sense of humor that reminds me.

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  10:14:21

of Phyllis Diller  and Ronnie Stoneman all rolled up in one.

But they all left me penniless, so the next 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/30/2014 10:14:51

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  10:15:23

time they show up I will be well armed.

I've checked the laws about

RandyZ - Posted - 01/30/2014:  10:39:22

aquiring a PFH (protection from hyena).

they told me in no uncertain terms...

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  11:10:35

that hyenas are a protected species in the United States.

In Africa however,

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  11:21:58

they are the laughing stock of the continent.

No one is able to shoot one , cuz they're doubled over with

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  11:36:22

convulsive laughter.

Once they're able to control themselves, they often realize

RandyZ - Posted - 01/30/2014:  11:40:01

that theyre really not that funny afterall.

Old wives tell of the....

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  12:01:38

time when Hyenas were considered quite attractive.

Of course, this was before

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  13:46:12

before I met you.

The mail man looked at me real funny when

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  14:40:29

he delivered that notice from the herpes testing lab.

I tried to explain but he

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  16:08:29

kept frothing at the mouth.

 I think he's been hangin' around that lab

RandyZ - Posted - 01/30/2014:  16:24:31

rador retriever they called Marylew. But, by the time...

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  17:05:46

I got to Pheonix the party was over

My motorcycle tanks have

jistgreg - Posted - 01/30/2014:  17:08:43

been more popular than my unicycle humvees. 

Once, I got a ticket for 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2014:  17:17:48

excessive metalflake and fancy airbrushing.

Then the officer noticed that I 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  17:42:36

was turning red with rage,partly caused by paint fumes.

As he reached for his gun, I

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  18:25:14

jumped behind the truck and slid down the alley

While ice fishing the wind

dflowers - Posted - 01/30/2014:  19:06:55

shifted towards Big Bertha's pole dancing tavern.  From the corner of my eye, I saw

jistgreg - Posted - 01/30/2014:  19:56:16

the Poles dancing the Mazurka. 

In reality, Frosty the Snowman was 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  20:13:11

actually Foster Brooks after a couple of fifths of white rum.

The neighbourhood kids used to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/30/2014:  20:16:14

tease me with snakes.

When tuning my guitar I always

Edited by - banjoscotty on 01/30/2014 20:18:18

jistgreg - Posted - 01/30/2014:  20:54:23

turn on my toaster or a fluorescent light to hear it hum B for my second string. 

Another household tip that really works is 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  21:01:34

using a hairdryer to melt the snow off the roof.

The pigeons like it too - they scatter

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/30/2014 21:04:27

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  21:02:17

when the door rings-- run

did you see Scotty's mule when

jistgreg - Posted - 01/30/2014:  21:05:54

the barn burned down? 

He made a perfect ash of himself, and everybody agreed 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  21:10:31

it made a perfect match with Leroy

The first time I played my first Pre-war banjo, I thought
I would

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2014:  21:13:23

open up the heavens with my rendition of "Old Time Religion".

What happened ,though, is that

jistgreg - Posted - 01/30/2014:  21:47:00

a moderator was in the audience and she locked the concert. 

If I try politics, I expect 

ErikH - Posted - 01/31/2014:  02:27:41

some skeletons would come out of the closet.

For example, when I was in my 20's, 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  02:38:15

I though I knew everything.

Now I realize

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/31/2014:  03:02:50

I knew more than that.

My Morgan Monroe/Cascade banjo is