chuckv97 - Posted - 07/30/2016:  08:20:37

to wield those weapons so adroitly I'll never know.

Don't ask for a bit off the top

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2016:  13:37:16

because they will take you literally and leave your brain exposed. 

That would be a real conversation starter, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/31/2016:  04:03:34

nobody really feels like talking right now..

So let's just go back to bed and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/31/2016:  08:16:13

turn back the clock to yesteryear when I coulda been a contendah.

Blunders and missed opportunities

OM45GE - Posted - 07/31/2016:  14:49:06

have been the high points of my life so far. 

The low points are too

J e f f - Posted - 07/31/2016:  20:45:06

alphabetical.

Albert Baker's cat decided Elmer finally got

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/31/2016:  22:00:47

his insulin 'jection knowing lousy medics never operated past quiet restroom stalls.

To understand verses while x-raying

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/01/2016:  01:35:51

they used telepromters.

But nobody could read so

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2016:  02:49:13

they ended up just humming along. 

They weren't very good at 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/01/2016:  08:55:43

being prompted by tellys, not having spent time in the merry isle.

Driving on the left side

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2016:  13:56:14

was too challenging so they decided to just drive on the right and use their horns and middle fingers a lot.

That worked reasonably well until

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/01/2016:  20:20:41

they went down a one-way street.

Then the fan hit the

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/02/2016:  02:53:26

radiator as he crashed into the light pole..

As he climbed out of the wreckage he said;;

OM45GE - Posted - 08/02/2016:  03:08:27

"Did you get the number of that bus?"

He was clearly confused because 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/02/2016:  09:22:49

he was traveling backwards down that one-way street with a '52 Studebaker.

Angry hungover bus drivers

OM45GE - Posted - 08/02/2016:  13:48:53

decided to take matters into their own hands and dragged him out of the car by the scruff of his neck.

The proceeded to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/02/2016:  13:58:01

stuff him in the trunk of the old Studdy , put it in reverse with a brick on the accelerator, and let'er run over Deadman's Cliff.

The storal of the mory is

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/02/2016:  14:36:49

don't get stuffed in the trunk of an Studdy.

Better yet,don't get

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/02/2016:  16:12:24

pie-eyed drunk in your study with the maid.

Paying your maid for services rendered

OM45GE - Posted - 08/03/2016:  02:55:44

takes the relationship from a dalliance to prostitution. 

The penalties 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/03/2016:  03:31:17

for that is pure pleasure.

The maid had worked for Bill Clinton before

OM45GE - Posted - 08/03/2016:  05:31:22

he graduated from Yale.

Cleaning dorm rooms isn't much fun, but is sure beats

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/03/2016:  10:32:17

cleaning toilets in the football team's locker room.

Centers demand specially sized

OM45GE - Posted - 08/04/2016:  03:34:39

towel bars and toilet roll holders.

We asked why and they said

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/04/2016:  08:52:09

they want to smell good for the QB.

QB's get the best cheerleaders but

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/04/2016:  17:06:42

that doesn't win any games.

Babe Ruth had a

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/04/2016:  18:13:20

special seat in the Yankee dugout with beer-cup holders and a handy-dandy hot dog tray.

He would go hitless

OM45GE - Posted - 08/05/2016:  13:37:31

if an enterprising bookie offers him enough cash, preferably in unmarked $10s and $20s. 

After all, a guy

BanjoClive - Posted - 08/05/2016:  17:11:12

has gotta make a living somehow.

When is my

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/05/2016:  17:31:15

ship coming in, after all ,it's been years that I've been out on this dock waiting.

My horrorscope said

BanjoClive - Posted - 08/05/2016:  19:12:17

I was going to die tomorrow.

So I left

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/06/2016:  04:09:52

and went and bought a gravesite.

Don't you think that

OM45GE - Posted - 08/06/2016:  04:28:14

was silly of me?

After all, how many

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/06/2016:  05:17:20

grave sites can a guy buy based on the movement of the heavenly bodies?

Hearses with hemis

OM45GE - Posted - 08/06/2016:  06:38:36

will get you to the graveyard faster, but what difference does it make?

After all, you

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/06/2016:  08:27:48

aren't really going anyplace..

When our time comes around we

OM45GE - Posted - 08/06/2016:  11:41:54

will be the center of attention until the ceremonies end. 

After that,

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/06/2016:  13:37:25

everybody eats all the food and go home.

Now I ask you,,is that

BanjoClive - Posted - 08/06/2016:  15:06:55

really necessary.

After all

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/06/2016:  19:11:49

I had to pay the gravediggers $200 before I kicked his a....err, I mean before I kicked the bucket.

My bootlegger takes IOU's

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/07/2016:  13:41:02

that way he doesn't spend all his money.

Corn on the cob isn't

OM45GE - Posted - 08/07/2016:  18:25:59

my favorite vegetable. 

It is not even 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/08/2016:  02:24:03

my horses favorite veggie.

He likes omalene and

OM45GE - Posted - 08/08/2016:  02:40:23

fresh hay with plenty of water. 

We try to

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/08/2016:  05:33:49

feed them a balanced diet every day.

But sometimes they want beer and get

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/08/2016:  09:36:54

drunk from eating fallen apples in the old orchard.

Letting a horse take you home from the bar

OM45GE - Posted - 08/08/2016:  11:59:48

is probably safer than hitching him to the back of the car and driving home at breakneck speeds.

The horse will be

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2016:  01:24:22

a good companion if you treat him like Roy treated Trigger.

Roy's real name was Leonard but

OM45GE - Posted - 08/09/2016:  02:48:53

Leonard Franklin Slye was too big for restaurant signs. 

Trigger and Buttermilk