jistgreg - Posted - 07/26/2015:  07:34:44

are you going to write? 

When I'm trying to decide between fiction and nonfiction, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2015:  07:39:44

I stroll down to the Library and ask the cute librarian with the horned rim glasses.

Her wide-eyed

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2015:  08:05:38

innocence combined with a sharp intellect drive me crazy. 

I have fantasies about

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2015:  08:08:37

bi-focals must be at least 7x35.

But how can she just sit there and eat those tuna fish sandwiches and not

jistgreg - Posted - 07/26/2015:  13:11:14

succumb to salmonella is beyond me. 

I would be singing the blues if 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2015:  13:18:15

I was from the Mississippi delta, totin' that bale and loadin' that barge.

Hard work never

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2015:  14:55:01

was easy.

Everyone thought it would be

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2015:  15:06:51

easy to stop smoking whenever they wanted to.

However, when

jistgreg - Posted - 07/26/2015:  16:13:19

push came to shove, they never quite seemed to want to. 

So push left shove again and went back to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2015:  17:52:23

the wall placard in the toilet stall at the annual National Constipation Convention.

Prune juice

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2015:  17:57:29

makes the going great was what it said but I'm not sure what it means. 

Perhaps they are referring to 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/26/2015:  18:00:07

what happened last week

the only way you can pull this off is

jistgreg - Posted - 07/26/2015:  21:26:26

to take three or four deep, cleansing breaths and make sure you are quite alone. 

Otherwise, it's just 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2015:  03:40:33

exhausted hot air in vain.

Don't try to pamper her,she was

jistgreg - Posted - 07/27/2015:  04:23:24

the sort who Depends on the kindness of strangers. 

In continents or in Islets of Langerhans, when she 

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2015:  13:13:04

started to sing everyone else stopped to listen.

At some point

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2015:  15:35:32

everyone retreated out the exit.

But they only went across the ally to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2015:  18:28:58

Tootsie's ,where the songs and lyrics flow with uncanny profundity.

A Rabbi walked in

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/27/2015:  19:00:45

to the pool hall to see a friend and play a game

my old car just doesn't

jistgreg - Posted - 07/28/2015:  00:01:56

leap the gap between bascule bridges like it used to. 

Perhaps I shouldn't have sandblasted off the Confederate 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2015:  04:37:01

General when I had the chance.

Small,flat stones are good for skipping down at

OM45GE - Posted - 07/28/2015:  05:24:22

the local swimming hole.

Sometimes the swimmers don't like

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2015:  10:26:50

it when a skipped rock smacks them in the forehead.

But the life guard just shrugs his shoulders and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2015:  10:34:36

Says " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Lifeguards that kick sand

OM45GE - Posted - 07/28/2015:  16:13:59

in the faces of 98 pound weaklings isn't really much of a man. 

They're more 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2015:  16:39:05

of a sissified bully.

The only time he breathes is when he

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2015:  20:12:36

turns blue from lack of oxygen, or after diving for pearls.

Poils and perloid

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2015:  01:46:21

are both fakes.

Tom and Jerry were arrested for

jistgreg - Posted - 07/29/2015:  10:49:20

Impersonating Simon and Garfunkel. 

If ever a song cried out for BG interpretation, it's 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2015:  16:41:55

Beethoven's Fifth (sim-phony), the 'fifth' possibly referring to a FIVE string banjo player fortified with a 'fifth' of liquor.

Ol' Ludwig

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/30/2015:  04:08:10

never tolerated a banjo,so he fired that hillbilly.

He had to use spray starch on his hair because

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/30/2015:  10:14:18

the gals never could tolerate his haystack mop.

With wild fury, he

Edited by - chuckv97 on 07/30/2015 10:15:20

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/31/2015:  02:58:09

shaved it all off.

Now he's a skinhead and

jistgreg - Posted - 07/31/2015:  04:44:57

is partly responsible for the composition of "Deutschland, Deutschland Über Alles" ("German, German Overalls"). 

Is an umlaut 

Edited by - jistgreg on 07/31/2015 04:47:10

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/31/2015:  13:10:54

ever any good for the German people?

After they sang Wooden Heart they tried to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/31/2015:  16:05:57

sell us those weird Beetle VW's - how heartless can you be?



The next  time I eat kraut

Edited by - chuckv97 on 07/31/2015 16:07:37

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/31/2015:  16:59:10

I want an American hot dog with it.

I'll be riding a surf board at

jistgreg - Posted - 07/31/2015:  19:38:42

The Pipeline off Oahu -- or Ohio -- or Iowa -- or somewhere. 

When I'm riding the Mayhem F1 Stub, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/01/2015:  01:01:31

my heart surgeon always comes with me in case I blow a valve.

He's already drained

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2015:  05:59:02

half a dozen pints of ale so I'm not sure he'll be much help if something actually goes wrong. 

Also, he has to go to

jistgreg - Posted - 08/01/2015:  09:07:30

the Medical Association to answer charges of malpractice. 

But he's cheap 

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2015:  10:34:17

and easy to get an appointment with so he's my primary care physician. 

I also use him for

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/01/2015:  11:42:30

my catcher while I'm perfecting my knuckleball.

His melon gets

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/01/2015:  13:49:47

in the way of my fast ball.

Once I hit a no pitcher so the ump

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2015:  16:25:54

got so bored he started a cribbage tournament in the visiting teams dugout.

I didn't think he could

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/01/2015:  17:46:28

see past his nose, because the crib board was 5 feet long so he could see the pegging holes.



An ump with eyeglasses

Edited by - chuckv97 on 08/01/2015 17:48:15

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2015:  18:11:57

doesn't inspire much confidence. 

Even worse is an ump with 

jistgreg - Posted - 08/01/2015:  20:03:28

a seeing-eye dog. 

But an ump with a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/02/2015:  03:27:30

with an eye patch??,,,,,,NAW!!! you gotta be kiddin me..

If your going to the ballpark today,take along some