chuckv97 - Posted - 05/13/2020:  10:31:31

Senators came in to inspect the facility and Obie unfortunately told them to “go forth and multiply”.

The warden was nonplussed

OM45GE - Posted - 05/13/2020:  12:37:59

because Obie used a well known vernacular for “go forth and multiply” which the warden was fairly certain was anatomically impossible.

He made a mental note to ask Obie

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/14/2020:  19:07:28

about this once the senators had left for good.

Obie finally started telling the story about how all of this really started and if you take note you will find

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/14/2020:  20:33:10

holes in his story.

For one thing,

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 05/15/2020:  03:56:35

Alice doesn't actually live in the restaurant; she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog.

This seemingly insignificant detail

OM45GE - Posted - 05/15/2020:  04:18:50

actually informs much of the action that takes place later.

One must understand that

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/15/2020:  07:43:32

Alice only married Ray because of Fasha being such a special dog.

Only a few people knew about just how this

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/15/2020:  09:13:29

was the special bond that kept them together, in spite of vindictive daily arguments.

Alice wanted to paint the bell a psychedelic orange

OM45GE - Posted - 05/15/2020:  12:41:41

and went so far as to purchase the paint and a ladder.

However, Ray was

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/15/2020:  12:48:37

not very impressed at all and a huge argument started again.

As usual a fight broke out and as usual Ray lost his

OM45GE - Posted - 05/15/2020:  13:56:28

contact lenses, which was how he always got out of physical fights with Alice.

Alice, of course, saw through the ruse and

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/15/2020:  16:38:10

put him in a full nelson until he cried “UNCLE!”

Alice’s senile Uncle Ferd

OM45GE - Posted - 05/16/2020:  04:33:01

thought he was still a belly turret gunner on a B17.

Periodically he will yell,

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/17/2020:  06:25:42

Hang on fellers the Luftwaffe is out today.

Sometimes he wanted to

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/17/2020:  09:15:52

run away to a deserted island with Hilda Grubenberger.

Unfortunately Hilda’s strretwalker job

OM45GE - Posted - 05/17/2020:  15:37:34

is quite lucrative and she doesn't want to give up getting her bucks for the bang.

You can't really blame her, she

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/18/2020:  07:15:52

has a nice haus in the Bavarian Alps and she roars down the Autobahn in a brand-spanking new Porsche.



Her regular Johns/Jans

Edited by - chuckv97 on 05/18/2020 07:18:06

OM45GE - Posted - 05/18/2020:  13:28:12

show their appreciation in myriad ways in addition to monetary rewards.

One of them gave her

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/18/2020:  13:33:08

a bottle of pills to kill the herpes virus.

Another gave her the clap (klapp in German)

OM45GE - Posted - 05/19/2020:  05:33:42

which he called, "the gift that keeps on giving".

Hilda didn't think

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/20/2020:  11:14:06

think to much of him after that.

However she continued on after the war and later became

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/20/2020:  12:44:30

a beer slinger at various Oktoberfests.

She always liked men in liederhosen

OM45GE - Posted - 05/20/2020:  16:32:37

because they were fun to remove.

She was a lusty lass and was always

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/20/2020:  18:37:38

up for new adventures.

After a few years she found herself

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/20/2020:  21:23:28

a banjo player from Hamburg.

He serenaded her

OM45GE - Posted - 05/21/2020:  02:44:22

with his vast repertoire of Bavarian battle tunes.

She didn’t understand

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/21/2020:  07:13:11

but she longed for his love.

But he didn't understand and cause her to

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/21/2020:  08:51:05

develop a severe case of tinnitus because he refused to send away to Elderly for a bridge mute.

She now says she always hears sirens

OM45GE - Posted - 05/21/2020:  17:08:02

and that makes her very anxious when she drives.

Her speeding days may be over, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/21/2020:  20:32:16

her habit of chasing fire trucks has gotten way out of control.

Her daddy was an arsonist

OM45GE - Posted - 05/22/2020:  04:44:27

and the fire chief.

It made his

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/22/2020:  12:57:58

job really complicated at times as she had pushed him to his limits.

Alice wanted nothing more than

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/22/2020:  13:30:15

to be called Hilda (remember Alice?).

Unfortunately some johns in the past called her

OM45GE - Posted - 05/23/2020:  04:42:44

in the middle of the night.

She needed her beauty rest, so

deadwud - Posted - 05/23/2020:  05:13:41

she listened to smooth jazz.

She always slept

OM45GE - Posted - 05/23/2020:  05:17:20

with her back to a wall.



She didn't want anyone

Edited by - OM45GE on 05/23/2020 05:17:34

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/23/2020:  09:07:52

entering by the back door.

My fondest memory of Hilda

deadwud - Posted - 05/23/2020:  09:23:31

was that day we climbed the Matterhorn.

When we got to the top

OM45GE - Posted - 05/23/2020:  11:10:38

she produced a bottle of Scotch and proposed a toast.

Here's to

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/23/2020:  16:20:32

your sorry-looking carcass, you cad!”, she exclaimed.

With that she pushed me

deadwud - Posted - 05/23/2020:  17:17:15

which I felt was unfair.

Luckily, I was able to grab

Edited by - deadwud on 05/23/2020 17:17:36

OM45GE - Posted - 05/24/2020:  07:10:12

hold of her purse and ran for my life.

When felt it was safe, I

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/24/2020:  08:36:57

found a Dear John letter she had not yet mailed to me.

My days in the Alps

deadwud - Posted - 05/24/2020:  08:54:35

remind me of a better time.

A time when

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 05/24/2020:  09:02:42

I was buried under an avalanche for five days.

When Bosco the Wunderdog dug me out

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/24/2020:  11:32:24

he growled at me , then gave me some rum from his little neck cask.

Then he wanted to play frisbee

deadwud - Posted - 05/24/2020:  11:40:18

, but my initial toss sailed over the mountainside.

I'll never forget

OM45GE - Posted - 05/25/2020:  04:22:41

the look of surprise on Bosco's face as he sailed over the edge.

I wonder how long

KyBanjo - Posted - 05/25/2020:  07:14:32

it took for him to get to the bottom.

Bosco survived but the frisbee seemed to be