banjoscotty - Posted - 01/20/2016:  03:47:15

had gotten broken in a bar room whoop it up last week.

So Howard The Hawkeye donated his

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/20/2016:  05:17:12

glass eye and spyglass.

Voyeurism is a lost art

jistgreg - Posted - 01/20/2016:  12:23:27

Carney in the sewer we call life. 

His bus-driving buddy, jackie Gleason, 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2016:  02:34:12

brought voyeurism to a screaming end when he started walking around nude with the shades up. 

Peeping Toms everywhere

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/21/2016:  07:01:10

became Hiding Harrys ,cursing the day they became obsessed with peeping and tweeting.



Never tweet if you

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/21/2016 07:01:39

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/21/2016:  07:43:50

if you are not a bird.

Tweety Bird was Grandma's only

jistgreg - Posted - 01/21/2016:  07:47:19

meal last Thanksgiving. 

There was only a thimbleful of stuffing, and to pull the wishbone, she and Sylvester had to 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2016:  10:00:45

use tweezers to grasp the tiny furcula. 

What's a furcula you might

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/21/2016:  10:35:09

ask your personal trainer/interpreter?

"A condition caused by chasing chicks",

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2016:  12:46:07

otherwise known at Poultry Pursuit.

This is a felony in at least six

jistgreg - Posted - 01/21/2016:  21:03:19

interpretations of the Talmud. 

The authors of the Septuagint also had strong 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2016:  02:37:33

opinions about the likelyhood of life on Mars. 

They don't 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2016:  04:55:10

want to attract any attention to it.

But there was a leak in the organization that demanded

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2016:  08:12:31

secretive cement shoes for the transgressors.

Davey Jones' locker

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2016:  08:43:25

is getting kind of full down there.

I heard that Burger King is getting married to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2016:  12:31:37

the Tooth Fairy.

He's worried that

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2016:  14:05:47

the Tooth Fairy isn't a virgin.

He says he will

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2016:  17:10:25

hop the next freight outta town if she's had premarital whoopee.

A man's pride

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2016:  17:51:36

can only stand so much. 

To add insult to injury, he

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2016:  19:07:03

says he isn't a virgin either.

Anyway they will be

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2016:  03:43:55

exploring each other's dating history and bedroom experience soon. 

Personally! I personally, I don't worry about

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2016:  07:29:12

the horrid details of the past.

Fact or fiction - that is

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2016:  11:49:27

not always easy to determine with any certainty. 

Alternate realities are

jistgreg - Posted - 01/24/2016:  17:08:07

taking place on the odd-numbered days of the month. 

On even days, 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2016:  17:20:24

we abandon reality completely. 

It's a lot of fun except for

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/25/2016:  04:51:41

the re-entry.

The going up was not worth

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/25/2016:  07:04:45

the coming down.

It's more fun to go just half way up several times before

OM45GE - Posted - 01/25/2016:  09:52:46

actually making the final ascent - sort of like climbing Mount Everest.

The last time I

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/25/2016:  12:21:14

went half way they didn't pay me.

The desert is a lonely place and

jistgreg - Posted - 01/25/2016:  12:28:49

the dessert tastes sweeter when you don't have to share. 

Don't talk to me about loneliness; I 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/25/2016:  12:52:08

have been living on a deserted island for the last 20 year.

I haven't had dessert

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/25/2016:  13:29:53

since the island raspberries were wiped out by the human blight.

Don't leave a big footprint

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/25/2016:  13:35:12

when trying to sneak away.

All the cattle on this range belong

OM45GE - Posted - 01/25/2016:  15:00:36

someone else but I pretend they are mine when my girlfriend visits from the city.

I don't think she would

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/25/2016:  17:04:15

come visit if I was but a cowless cowboy.

Punching cattle

jistgreg - Posted - 01/26/2016:  00:05:00

and talking through one's hat is still better than being All Hat And No Cattle. 

Talking through a Sioux war bonnet is easier, but 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/26/2016:  04:52:07

the chief won't let anyone borrow it.

He is very stingy and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/26/2016:  06:46:16

I've been told that the last person who asked to borrow it hasn't been seen nor heard from since.

They think

jistgreg - Posted - 01/26/2016:  07:30:04

they can do anything they want to, any time they want to, anywhere they want to! 

But when the claw hammerers and the bluegrassers start goin' after each other hammers and tongs, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/26/2016:  07:36:33

they'll be sliding, pushing and pulling off each other's hair 'til the cattle in the cane scare the turkeys in the straw.

Peg heads and tailpieces

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/26/2016:  08:06:04

will be banjo history..

Which isn't such a bad idea if

OM45GE - Posted - 01/26/2016:  15:18:59

you don't like banjos

If you do however,

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/26/2016:  18:38:23

then please tune it..

Bagpipes should be introduced into

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/26/2016:  18:54:25

the amusement park's House of Horrors.

Hair-raising dirges

jistgreg - Posted - 01/27/2016:  00:06:51

depicting death on dirigibles have been known to cause little children to wet themselves. 

A much better way to get wet is 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/27/2016:  03:07:40

take a shower,,clean your body.

Do you really think the Winter Storm Jonas

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2016:  05:17:32

was Mother Nature's way of saying, "take a few days off and enjoy yourself"?

That's what I told me boss and she said

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/27/2016 05:17:52

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/27/2016:  06:10:23

"of course,,come on over and keep me company for a few days"..

But she was only joking and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2016:  06:40:30

you can imagine my surprise when I showed up at her door with some flowers, a bottle of wine and my toothbrush and my wife answered the door.

When I started breathing again, I asked,