OM45GE - Posted - 04/29/2016:  03:37:20

investigate but they were unable to crack the case. 

They had to shell out

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/29/2016:  04:06:26

chicken feed to return the retainer fee.

Watson had to go to the station and apply

Edited by - banjoscotty on 04/29/2016 04:07:14

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/29/2016:  06:37:56

some good old fashioned arm twisting to get his ticket for first class Pullman car.

Riding the rails

OM45GE - Posted - 04/29/2016:  12:31:45

is an interesting way to get to your destination and has led to many interesting stories.

Murder on the Orient Express is

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/29/2016:  13:52:37

one of those stories,,and it's true.

Hobo Bill's last ride was sad and

OM45GE - Posted - 04/29/2016:  14:05:13

ended even sadder.

He was found

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/29/2016:  14:14:32

in a ditch in Andover after he had fallen from a boxcar and had rolled over and over.

The Puritans buried him beside the MassPike

OM45GE - Posted - 04/29/2016:  16:06:18

in an empty lot near Fenway Park. 

Foul balls will

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/30/2016:  01:56:51

usually emit a bad odor.

Strikes are called on the batter when

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/30/2016:  07:38:56

he accuses the ump of flatulating.

Overweight umpires seem

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/30/2016:  09:02:37

to throw their weight around.

But some used to throw coke

OM45GE - Posted - 04/30/2016:  15:46:03

and a few throw up. 

They try not to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/30/2016:  20:07:34

hide whiskey flasks in their ball bags, but temptation often wins out.

The ball boys

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/01/2016:  14:02:05

will keep your flask for you for a small fee.

The problem with that is

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2016:  02:51:43

they will return the flask empty. 

That makes them

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/02/2016:  03:05:46

have your drink and your money too.

Carrying a jug is better that a flask because

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2016:  03:17:49

a jug is larger and more difficult to misplace. 

It also holds

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/02/2016:  05:22:59

more iced tea than a flask does.

Some people get all riled up and

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/02/2016:  05:56:31

lose their better manners when confronted with jugs of ice tea sans ice.

Brouhahas have broken out

OM45GE - Posted - 05/02/2016:  11:59:44

and mayhem has spread until there wasn't  a citizen who was not involved in the melee.

There wasn't enough room in the

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/02/2016:  14:40:49

powder room for the ladies to hide.

They were finally discovered by

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/02/2016:  15:18:56

the gunpowder salesman who had misread the directions to his next customer.

Some ladies use gunpowder

OM45GE - Posted - 05/03/2016:  02:57:30

to deter unwanted suitors. 

The blasts

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/03/2016:  05:14:23

are equal to 4 ozs of nitro.

OUCHIE!! said one of the

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/03/2016:  07:52:04

suitors as his tweed suit caught fire.

Truckers and blind dates

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/03/2016:  08:34:05

are of the same nature,,,they never know where they are going.

Remember,, blind dates can actually see and

MWBailey - Posted - 05/03/2016:  18:42:59

shoot you accrately, so be careful what you say.

You should also be careful where you look, especially if their nightgown is

OM45GE - Posted - 05/03/2016:  18:43:29

will know if you show up not wearing pants. 

It's not just the

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/04/2016:  03:10:45

bass player,,,it's the entire band,,,we suck.

If we hired some bagpipes that would

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2016:  03:27:58

expand the types of music we would suck in. 

Unless, of course, the pipers were

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2016:  07:44:10

blowing instead of sucking, as taught them by kilted Scotch quaffers.

Never ask what's under a

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2016:  09:24:28

a Highlander's kilt as he's liable to show you in a most uncomfortable manner.

It does make you wonder what

J e f f - Posted - 05/04/2016:  13:56:42

he uses to shave his legs.

He probably uses

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2016:  20:02:42

jagged pieces of broken Scotch bottles.

Scotsmen think they're tough, but the Vikings made them wear

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2016:  03:33:15

lacy underwear and push-up bras. 

Worse, on Sunday's they had to

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2016:  09:08:29

work in the fields to grow more potatoes.

But they were used to hard work so that

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2016:  11:32:01

working the the tater fields was preferable to getting raped and pillaged back at the village.

They tried to

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2016:  17:19:20

call the sheriff but his phone wasn't working.

They were finally

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/05/2016:  20:57:55

able to escape to Loch Ness, where they set nets to catch the Monster.

Wearing red socks at Fenway

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2016:  03:27:25

is a bit like carrying coals to Newcastle. 

At least you would

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/06/2016:  03:50:16

be keeping your feet warm.

Don't expect to much when shopping

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2016:  10:33:50

for rotgut whisky- they've been watering it down lately.

I don't drink anymore

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2016:  15:15:38

, but I don't drink any less either. 

I guess you could say 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/06/2016:  17:30:10

that I'm still a drunk.

There are a few things that

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2016:  19:24:23

I need to explain. 

 But first

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2016:  21:00:57

allow me to clip my toenails - here, wear this goalie mask.

I'd save these for family momentos

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/07/2016:  03:50:07

but the rest of the family have saved their own..

HA-HA-HA,,you'll never guess what

OM45GE - Posted - 05/07/2016:  11:36:48

your wife and I were doing last night. 

She suggested

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/07/2016:  12:38:38

I leave my boots under the bed ,just to stir the pot.

A funny thing happened on the way