chuckv97 - Posted - 04/20/2016:  15:45:00

go back to Canada and quit playing an Uncle Injun Tom.

Hanging around with masked men

OM45GE - Posted - 04/21/2016:  03:54:04

isn't exactly a fulfilling role.

I wonder if

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/21/2016:  06:40:08

could be dangerous to your health.

But Tonto is special,,he has

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/21/2016:  10:04:48

friends in high places who frequent the village peyote teepee.

When eagle fly during full moon

OM45GE - Posted - 04/21/2016:  12:15:58

watch for poop falling from sky.

I didn't one night and

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/21/2016:  12:38:53

couldn't see the moon anymore.

Then the sheriff said he would bring

OM45GE - Posted - 04/21/2016:  13:16:16

some eyewash and a roll of paper towels.

I asked if he could also bring

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/21/2016:  19:53:47

his voluptuous wife to give me a rubdown.

"Rubdown!?",he shouted,"Why I

OM45GE - Posted - 04/22/2016:  03:37:08

can do better than that!"

"I'll have her give you a

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/22/2016:  04:48:08

full body massage".

His wife was thrilled at the idea but

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/22/2016:  07:18:29

then the vice squad kicked in the door.

Bribe money was offered

Rossanne - Posted - 04/22/2016:  13:08:46

..and accepted for carpenter to fix a new door and lock..

however the lock-smith-man wanted..

OM45GE - Posted - 04/22/2016:  14:29:11

in on the full body massage action.

The sheriff wasn't sure he

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/22/2016:  15:28:53

could trust a lock picker, who was known to moonlight as a Georgia safecracker.

If you happen to lose your car keys

OM45GE - Posted - 04/22/2016:  16:23:55

you have a couple of choices. 

One would be to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/23/2016:  04:17:33

head for the nearest bar and get pie-eyed; the other would be to hitch hike home.

Never accept a ride

OM45GE - Posted - 04/23/2016:  09:46:45

with someone wearing a crash helmet and reeking of gin. 

Unless, that is, you want 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/23/2016:  12:55:37

some adventure.

Fishing will always be

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/23/2016:  14:01:32

a tough sport ,demanding the donning of hip waders and slashing underbrush with a machete.

A new fishing accessory now on the market

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/23/2016:  16:12:59

a battery powered motorized bait caster reel.

Get one now because

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/24/2016:  13:06:46

the dealers can't keep them in stock.

They work good on an Ugly Stick pole but

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/24/2016:  16:07:33

you can always use Olive Oyl as a substitute.

A skinny woman

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/24/2016:  16:28:30

is cheap to feed.

They don't look good in spandex because

OM45GE - Posted - 04/25/2016:  03:36:29

there aren't any curves for the spandex to cling to. 

On the other hand,

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/25/2016:  04:32:09

they don't take up much room in bed.

But be very careful when

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/25/2016:  11:34:41

sending them out to rake leaves on a windy day.

She, the rake, and the leaves will

OM45GE - Posted - 04/25/2016:  12:59:37

all blow away, never to be seen this side of town.

On the other side of town

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/25/2016:  13:24:47

where "Big Bertha" lives.

But you will have trouble keeping

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/25/2016:  19:11:01

her staked to the lawn, since city bylaws forbid it.

Lawn ornaments

OM45GE - Posted - 04/26/2016:  03:28:51

are supposed to be inanimate objects.

Once in a while

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/26/2016:  04:02:12

we give her a cup of water.

She's looking sort of pale so maybe

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/26/2016:  09:22:29

some India Pale Ale will cure what ails her.

The lawn jockey

OM45GE - Posted - 04/26/2016:  11:45:50

makes a pretty handy bottle opener when you're staked in the front yard.

There is a pile of bottle caps

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/26/2016:  14:53:14

on Mrs.Jones back porch.

She spreads them on her icy driveway to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/26/2016:  17:06:51

give her traction when she goes out with her '46 Dodge Coupe.

Her old tires

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/27/2016:  02:54:48

are original and have only 953 miles on them.

Some people would say that is not

OM45GE - Posted - 04/27/2016:  03:27:45

a good things because the rubber has probably dried out and rotted. 

However it is

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/27/2016:  05:08:24

a good thing she doesn't drive on the freeway on those tires.

The car is absolutely mint condition and

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/27/2016:  07:12:18

only has one full ashtray.

When she knocked off her cheating hubby

OM45GE - Posted - 04/27/2016:  14:01:02

he fit nicely in the trunk.

She forgot

J e f f - Posted - 04/27/2016:  15:08:40

to cut off his appendage.

It doesn't matter, though, because she

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/27/2016:  15:45:11

doesn't have a trophy room in which to hang appendages.

A scorned woman

OM45GE - Posted - 04/28/2016:  02:54:38

will make your life miserable. 

She will

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/28/2016:  03:56:41

beat you like a rented mule,, usually when you're sleeping.

A cheater's life

OM45GE - Posted - 04/28/2016:  08:06:11

is a heady mix of wild sexual excitement and numbing anxiety. 

I love every minute 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/28/2016:  14:12:22

I ever spent at the dog races.

Sometimes those stupid dogs would

Rossanne - Posted - 04/28/2016:  14:25:01

.yap, yap, yap, and bite awfully big chunks out of Grandma's leg 

Grandpa insisted that she..

J e f f - Posted - 04/28/2016:  15:49:57

go in the chicken coop and sit on some eggs.

The chicken that works at the 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/28/2016:  17:01:51

egg packing factory got fired for sitting too long.

Why she crossed the road