banjoscotty - Posted - 12/12/2016:  13:21:12

but there is an inmate that has been squealing on them.

So now they're trying to

OM45GE - Posted - 12/12/2016:  18:01:51

exact their revenge with a pair of vice grips and a sharp razor. 

When they're finished, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2016:  18:50:52

the aftermath won't be pretty, and neither will the algebra.

A warden-less jail

OM45GE - Posted - 12/13/2016:  02:44:36

reminds me of my home growing up. 

With six kids, it

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/13/2016:  04:21:25

was hard to get into the bathroom.

Sleeping arrangements were no

OM45GE - Posted - 12/13/2016:  04:51:06

picnic either.

We were

Forrest - Posted - 12/13/2016:  06:15:03

stacked up like fire wood drying for the winter.

The funny thing is

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/13/2016:  09:32:13

none of us were made to put our feet to the fire.

Life on the bald prairie

Forrest - Posted - 12/13/2016:  09:40:40

was just that: bald.

And by bald, I mean

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/13/2016:  12:06:48

bald,,no hair.

Be that as it may we never

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/13/2016:  13:04:18

suffered for lack of hair ,grass or buffalo chips.

I've never seen the wind

OM45GE - Posted - 12/13/2016:  14:08:32

blow quite as relentlessly as it did on the prairie.

It was enough to

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/13/2016:  14:52:14

put the campfire out.

But then we got smart and

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/13/2016:  15:01:30

moved into an abandoned teepee, left there by a rambling redskin.

Ancient native folklore

Forrest - Posted - 12/13/2016:  15:15:47

teaches us that a fire built from dried buffalo dung in an abandoned teepee burns hot, but smells horrible, especially when mixed with ceremonial herbs.

The herbs in question

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2016:  02:56:32

have been passed down for many generations as a way of preserving traditional healing methods. 

Except of course for the 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/14/2016:  04:33:45

ones that are really sick.

If you believe that go

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2016:  04:59:58

to my website where I posted an ad selling some Florida swampland , cheap but all sales final.

My bookie put down $200 on

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2016:  05:27:35

a contract to have my legs broken.

I think he's upset because

Forrest - Posted - 12/14/2016:  06:57:23

I decided to keep the ceremonial herbs for myself and his personal stash ran low. 

What I learned from this experience was

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2016:  07:45:08

never give a bookie money to be used against you, since you'll need some dough to buy crutches.

I once used whisky as a crutch

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/14/2016:  07:59:26

and fell flat on my face.

I tried a cane but

Forrest - Posted - 12/14/2016:  08:04:05

realized that required too much coordination to use it when I've been drinking.

I know I don't have a drinking problem

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2016:  08:47:34

because it goes down quite smoothly, with no acid reflux issues.

My real problem seems to be

Forrest - Posted - 12/14/2016:  11:34:49

coping with all the idiots that surround me without resorting to personal violence. 

While I do not condone

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2016:  12:37:32

violence, sometimes it's a good time to whup somebody's ass.

In fact, I think I will

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2016:  12:43:11

whip my wife this Sunday , as she's been asking for it lately.

Our relationship has become

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2016:  12:45:04

so dysfunctional we've been approached by several movie studios about making it into a film.

I hope they cast

Forrest - Posted - 12/14/2016:  13:16:33

Christopher Walken as me because he's my much older and creepier Doppelganger. 

My wife will be played by

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2016:  14:57:16

Jennifer Lawrence, who she doesn't resemble at all, but it will fuel my fevered dreams for years to come.

I'll be able to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2016:  16:21:20

tell everyone in the loony bin about my imaginary love life.

My shrink told me

Forrest - Posted - 12/14/2016:  18:21:58

that just because others think I'm crazy doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.

I personally think 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/15/2016:  03:37:01

it's better to be crazy than stupid, but perhaps that's dumb of me. 

Maybe I should talk with 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/15/2016:  07:12:27

the university philosophy department about my long-held beliefs concerning out-of-my-mind experiences.

I could garner a Ph.D.

Forrest - Posted - 12/15/2016:  09:00:21

in crazy, which would be well deserved given my past behavior.

This one time I

OM45GE - Posted - 12/15/2016:  18:12:41

tried to enlist in the Marine Corps which went well until I took the psychological exam. 

Suddenly they

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/15/2016:  18:39:54

pulled out their guns and told me in no uncertain terms to hit the road.

My childhood was bereft of

Forrest - Posted - 12/15/2016:  19:37:29

toys, affection, pets, friends, holidays, parties, music, sunshine, movies, and marshmallows.

The only thing that I had was 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2016:  02:30:16

my pet dust kitten and several imaginary friends who refused to talk with me. 

I tried to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/16/2016:  07:43:39

start a flea market and an ant farm, just to have company.

Mom had to tie a pork chop around my neck so that

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2016:  08:03:24

the neighborhood dogs would play with me but that backfired when I accidentally killed one of the dogs while trying to extricate my arm from his jaws.

After that, I wasn't allowed

Forrest - Posted - 12/16/2016:  08:22:51

to go within 50 yards of anything with a heartbeat, an edict that I summarily violated at every opportunity.

The result was

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/16/2016:  08:30:07

a life of pet rock and stamp collecting, which later led to a life of crime and punishment.

My best year

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2016:  10:13:01

in school was the fourth grade which took me three years to complete. 

The teacher was really 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/16/2016:  11:57:13

cute, but dumb as a fencepost.

Some students even taught her

Forrest - Posted - 12/16/2016:  12:03:52

to fetch small objects and bark like a dog. 

The real shocker was 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2016:  13:41:17

when she started eating canned dog food.

Her breath got

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/16/2016:  14:15:14

as foul as a backwoods banjo picker's drool.

Her Pa used to fiddle

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2016:  14:34:18

where he should not have been fiddling. 

It was quite the